There are moments in Witchery that approach the madcap goofball lunacy of La Casa 3. But you have to really search for them. Just by looking at the cast - Linda Blair! David Hasselhoff! - that you'd be in for a much crazier ride. This has even been titled Ghosthouse II, but make no mistake. This ain't no Ghosthouse.An angry mob chases a pregnant woman to a house where she dives from a window, like Oliver Reed in Burnt Offerings. I say like because it's the exact same shot. Jane (Blair) wakes from the dream, which is never explained.Don't worry. This movie has no interest in story. And I don't mean that in a Fulci kind of way, like an absolute film. No, this movie does the things where you'd expect a story to happen and ignores them.But hey, let's talk about our heroes. Gary (Hasselhoff) and Leslie are a couple who have decided to head off to an island to do research on witchcraft. They are there because some weird lights show up on the beach. Also - Leslie is a virgin. That's right. A virgin. It will be mentioned again. And again. And just when you think it's been mentioned too many times, it will be mentioned again.Jane's younger brother and her parents are all coming to the island too. Her parents want to turn it into a club, so they bring the architect, Linda (Leslie Cumming, in her second straight piece of shit on our site after Robowar) and the realtor's son.Oh yeah - this method actress went crazy and haunts the island. She kills the boat captain who brings them there to start. She kills off the majority of the cast in ways that echo the seven deadly sins for reasons that are never explained. Yes, things like motivation, the hero's journey and the three-act structure are all ignored by this film. That's forgivable if crazy shit happens. Sure, there's demon sex, but it feels like too little, too late (the most out of context sentence I've written in 2018!). There's also a woman impaled on a swordfish and Hasselhoff getting a blood bukkake, so if you just edit down those scenes into a 3 minute or so supercut, this is a much better film. Like this scene, where Hasselhoff discusses his childhood friend.What blows my mind is that Tommy - the little brother - has a tape recorder that fits into the plot and it's totally a Sesame Street model. You'd think they'd want their brand to not appear in a movie where a demon's penis makes a woman's vagina start bleeding.Hey look - any movie where David Hasselhoff gets impaled can't be all bad. But Witchery sure tries. If only it pushed itself to be as deliriously stupid as Troll 2 or as devoted to gore as, well, take your pick of Fulci haunted house films. But you do get a pregnant and possessed Linda Blair - poor Linda - chasing folks around a house before doing a swan dive to her doom.The end of this film is a shock ending that has nothing to do with anything that came before. A nurse comes in to tell Leslie that Tommy is fine and so is her baby. She answers, "My baby?" The screen loses color and then a totally 80's schmaltzy love song plays. Seriously, you gotta hear this shit to believe it. It redeems much of the film.I watched the ending three times in a day to write this and I couldn't remember any of it. That should either point to how many movies I watch or how uninspiring this film is.

I found this film under the title THE WITCHERY, I'd never seen or heard about it before recently but when I found out Linda Blair was in it I reckoned it could be worth a look since I was already busy trying to find not so well known films from the 80's or they're just not so well known in my country, here the only horror movies people know are Friday THE 13TH, HALLOWEEN and A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET, basically you can say if the film wasn't part of a franchise it didn't exist.Anyway, what really sealed the deal for me to watch this film was finding out David Hasselhoff was also in it, I mean the Hoff in a horror movie that's something you won't see everyday, the film itself wasn't bad, I'd expected worse but fortunately it turned out to be very entertaining, although a few of the death scenes were rather sick especially the scene where a woman has her lips sewn shut and I won't spoil the rest of the scene and when you see a set of boobs for the first time in the film is also a creepy moment (I don't mean the boobs I mean what happens in that particular scene).The acting isn't too bad, David Hasselhoff gave a better performance than I expected, the only actor that didn't do so well was the kid but you can't really expect too much from a child actor, otherwise the rest of the cast were good enough to keep this film from being a total disaster.Overall, it was better than I'd expected, it won't win any awards but then again I've seen worst films that have won awards, if you enjoy a few good but sick death scenes and a great atmosphere I'd recommend this film.

Witchery (1988) * (out of 4)If you remember the whole saga of George Romero's DAWN OF THE DEAD being released in Italy under the title ZOMBI only to then have Lucio Fulci come along with ZOMBI 2 then you get the same type of thing here. THE EVIL DEAD was released in Italy as LA CASA and its sequel was LA CASA 2. Then Umberto Lenzi made a film called GHOSTHOUSE, which was released in Italy as LA CASA 3 even though it was in no way, shape or form connected to the Raimi series. Then, this film, was released as LA CASA 4 but again, no Raimi connection. Outside of Italy it was known as WITCHCRAFT, GHOSTHOUSE 2 and the current title listed above.The typical group of people arrive at your typical old hotel where there's the typical legends surrounding its curse. Apparently, many years ago, a pregnant woman committed suicide to keep from being burned alive as a witch. Years later a strange silent actress moved into the house and was apparently the last owner but soon our new guests start to fall victim to the curse. You have to hand it to the Italians when it comes to the horror genre but by 1988 their magic was running out and that's certainly true here even though they did manage to get Linda Blair and David Hasselhoff to appear in the film. This is your typical cult mess that features a little bit of gore but not enough to keep people interested. The story isn't any better or worse than a dozen other "witchcraft" tales we've seen from any country but the major problem here is the direction by Laurenti, which really shouldn't be called direction at all. The movie moves at a snails pace, none of the build ups are any good, there's no suspense and the worst sin is that the thing is just downright boring. It was rumored that Joe D'Amato did some of the direction as he and Laurenti would co-direct a movie a couple years later. Having seen dozens of D'Amato's work, I'd say he did have a hand in this as it has the same slow pace of many of his films. The one main reason to see the film is a creative death scene where a woman gets her lips sewn together before being hung upside down in a chimney to be burned alive. Blair actually gives a pretty good performance with ol' David getting to act as the boyfriend of a witchcraft specialist who refuses to put out for him or anyone.

Witchcraft/Witchery/La Casa 4/ and whatever else you wish to call it. How about..Crud.A gathering of people at a Massachusetts island resort are besieged by the black magic powers of an evil witch killing each individual using cruel, torturous methods. Photographer Gary(David Hasselhoff)is taking pictures for Linda(Catherine Hickland whose voice and demeanor resemble EE-YOR of the Winnie the Poo cartoon), a virgin studying witchcraft, on the island resort without permission. Rose Brooks(Annie Ross, portraying an incredibly rude bitch)is interested in perhaps purchasing the resort and, along with husband Freddie(Robert Champagne, who is always ogling other women much younger than him), pregnant daughter Jane(Linda Blair)and grandson Tommy(Michael Manchester, who just looks bored throughout, probably wanting to watch Sesame Street instead of starring in this rubbish), go by boat to the resort being treated to a look at the property by Realtor Tony Giordano's son Jerry(Rick Farnsworth), obviously a pup in the business getting his feet wet. Along with these folks is architect Leslie(Leslie Cumming, whose character is a nympho)who might help Rose re-design the resort. The boat's captain is killed by The Lady in Black(Hildegard Knef, wearing her make-up and lip-stick extra thick)and a storm is brewing. The boat drives off by itself(..guided by the invisible power of The Lady in Black, I guess)with everyone stuck in the decrepit resort, which is in dire need of repairs. Most of the victims, before meeting their grisly fates are carried through a type of red wormhole whose vortex leads to another dimension(..perhaps a type of hell or something)where they are tortured by these fiends dressed in raggedy clothes with a crummy visage. One victim has her mouth sown before being hung upside down in a chimney, roasted as the others light the fireplace. One poor soul is tortured by harsh twistings of rope wrapped tightly around her flesh before being found hanging from the snout of a swordfish penetrating through her neck. One fellow is slowly suffocating as his veins bulge(..and bleed) and neck's blood vessels burst squirting in Hasselhoff's face! One fellow is crucified with nails hammered into his hands before being hung upside down over an open flame. Blair's pregnant victim becomes possessed with her hair standing on end speaking in another woman's voice. One is raped by this demonic man with a "diseased" mouth as the hellish hobos stand nearby gleefully cheering. The film, despite it's excesses, is mostly dull fodder for those who really wish to see the lowest point in the careers of Hasselhoff and Blair, who deserve better than this. Almost unbearable at times, building little-to-no suspense. Clumsy execution of the death sequences which look cheap and laughable. Sure some gore is okay, but most of the film shows victims after they've been run through the ringer. We do get a chance to see pregnant women(..who look exactly like stuntmen in costume with bad wigs) jumping out three story windows. Oh, and The Lady in Black's reflected face often pops up on inanimate objects for characters to see. Tommy has a little Sesame Street recorder which tapes The Lady in Black's mumbo jumbo chants, obviously used for later. For some reason, The Lady in Black likes to visit little Tommy. He's not at all scared of her, for Tommy's just too bored to show any expression on his face, much less fear. Need I say more? This one's a real stinker. Ugh.