KING KONG LIVES is undoubtedly the worst KING KONG movie in existence, a film even worse than the remake which it follows. It's hard to imagine that a director who put out an all-time classic like THE TOWERING INFERNO was capable of making something this bad, but there you go. This film was written by the excellent novelist Steven Pressfield, but he has none of the talent on display that he would bring to a novel like GATES OF FIRE. The cheesy, family-friendly story sees Kong surviving his fall from the World Trade Center before hooking up with a mate, so expect lots of cutesy material and a ton of '80s-era cheese. Linda Hamilton has never looked more attractive than she does here, but she, like the rest of the humour cast, are wasted and merely deliver one trite line after another. The man-in-a-suit special effects look particularly bad given the era while this is the kind of film which just drags on and on with no end in sight. My recommendation? Give it a wide berth.

Laughably bad sequel to the Dino de Laurentiis 1976 version of King Kong, itself an epic ape turd. The ridiculous plot has Kong, having survived the fall at the end of the last film, comatose for ten years needing a heart operation. Problem is they need blood and he's the only giant gorilla around. That is until a female Kong is conveniently discovered by a wannabe Indiana Jones (Brian Kerwin). So he captures it and surgeon Linda Hamilton uses its blood to save Kong. Then Kong and his new girlfriend break free and go on the run together, stopping to eat snakes and moss and have sex. I can't even believe I'm typing this nonsense. This is a movie someone paid to make. What a world.This is awful stuff but it does have some so-bad-it's-good qualities. I can only imagine the room in which the screenwriters wrote this was filled with ganja smoke. Who wants to see a King Kong movie for heart transplants or giant apes falling in love and having babies? Sadly the romance between the apes isn't half as bland as the romance between the humans. Hamilton is fine in her role. She manages to keep a straight face throughout, which I imagine took some doing. She does have a couple of truly pitiful lines, though. Like when she is about to have sex with Brian Kerwin, she says "It's what primates do." For his part playing the man-child love interest who discovers Lady Kong, Kerwin doesn't impress but with the way the part is written he never really could have. The bad guy is Taggart from Beverly Hills Cop. He's really good at playing hard asses. His character's fate is hilarious.Because it's the 80s there are lots of vehicle flips. The special (ha!) effects, courtesy of Carlo Rambaldi, are pathetic. More guy-in-ape-suit silliness. The best things I can say about this stinker are that (1) It has quite a bit of unintended comedy (2) John Scott's score isn't half-bad and (3) Linda Hamilton looks stunning. The cinematographer obviously knew it as his camera lingers on her in every close-up. Best moment? Kong steps on a DeLorean. This is objectively not a good movie. How much enjoyment you will get out of it depends on your tolerance for movies so bad you can only find joy in making fun of them.

Don't get me wrong: I love King Kong. It's my file photo for God's sake. But not killing Kong off after what he had been through for Ann was just unacceptable. May I remind you that Kong just fell off the World Trade Center (Yes, in the 1976 version Kong falls off the Twin Towers)? Kong spends 10 years in hospital and ends up surviving after a blood transplant from a female ape. So the race is on for America to capture Kong and his new bride. This movie features terrible ape costumes (Probably Peter Elliot as Kong). Well that is what you get when you keep a fictional gorilla going on for way to long. So if you like weird spin offs like 'Greystoke: The Legend Of Tarzan' then this movie is for you!

Now, don't make the mistake in thinking that this is a work of art. This film follows the tradition of the great Godzilla movies made in Tokyo. If you like those, you will like this film.It has it all - rednecks, sex, the Army, and Kong himself. No, he didn't die when he fell from the skyscraper. He has been in a coma for the last 10 years.The NRA may tell us that hunters want to preserve the population of animals for all to enjoy, but the rednecks in this film do a disservice to the organization. There was a sense of satisfaction when Kong snapped one in two like a twig, and ate another whole -- redneck poppers! Linda Hamilton is always a joy, and she did a good job here as a scientist wanting to save Kong.Kong doesn't make it, but he manages to hook up with a female and after a quickie in the bushes, they have a son. Yeah, they really stretched that, didn't they.It is just the think to watch on a Saturday afternoon with a bowl of popcorn.