Absolute train wreck. You cannot take your eyes away from this mess of a movie. You watch and wonder how long this plot-less, stock footage montage of action can go on. I found myself talking to my television looking for answers as this went on and on. All that is wrong with Hollywood. The people behind this dog, especially the editor, had to be permanently scared for life. How anyone could watch the final cut of this and NOT pee in their pants from laughter (and shame). It is truly embarrassing to watch... and to think that people were paid to be a part of this... I can honestly say that words cannot describe this.... GO SEE THIS MOVIE NOW!!! If you are a movie fan, you will die laughing... This is my modern Plan 9 From Outer Space!Thank you Nu Image! If this movie can be made, shown in theaters, and end up in every movie rental place in the world, -there is hope for anyone that has a desire to make a movie (and Hollywood movie at that)!Wow! Wow! Wow! The premiere of this movie was actually in Hell. The devil gave it the finger.

Ticker is set in San Francisco where narcotics cop Detective Ray Nettles (Tom Sizemore) & his partner Detective Art 'Fuzzy' Rice (Nas) are following up on a lead when they come across IRA terrorist & bomb expert Alex Swan (Dennis Hopper) & his woman Claire Manning (Jamie Pressly), Fuzzy is shot dead & Swan escapes but Nettles manages to capture Claire & take her in. Swan needs Claire so phones the police demanding that Claire be let go or he'll blow lots of things up which will kill people, lots of people. Nettles teams up with the bomb squad & Lieutenant Frank Glass (Steven Seagal) who is the one in charge to track down Swan & disarm his bombs, erm that's about it really.Directed by Albert Pyun this film has a pretty bad reputation which, I'm sad to report, it fully deserves. Things got off to a bad start when I saw the 'Nu Image' logo appear prior to the films commencement, my heart literally sank as I'm one of the few poor souls who has actually sat through some of their giant 'creature feature' flicks so my hopes for Ticker were not high & despite that I still felt let down. The script by Paul B. Margolis is awful, the character's are awful, the dialogue is awful, the story is awful, things happen to accommodate the copious use of footage stolen from other 'Nu Image' films & the fact the three main 'stars' who are all packing some serious excess weight around their belly's probably never met each other & were probably only available for short times means the script was also tailored for this & it just ends up looking & feeling an absolute mess. Ticker is just awful, I've seen some terrible Seagal flicks but even I think this is probably his worst film & believe me that's saying something. As for respectable actors such as Tom Sizemore & Dennis Hopper they should know better & are far too good for crap like this. The only good aspect of Ticker is that it actually had a decent plot twist towards the end but coming in such a bad film it matters little.Director Pyun turns in a terrible film, the action scenes are absolutely terrible since almost all of the explosions & action is stolen from other films, footage from Deadly Outbreak (1996) makes for the opening explosion of the senator's house, The Last Days of Frankie the Fly (1997) steals footage of Dennis Hopper, The Peacekeeper (1997) accounts for virtually the entire final 20 minutes & it also uses footage from Sweepers (1998). The continuity is absolutely horrible, the sites of explosions changes between shots, the things that are blowing up changes, cars change types, the number of passengers in them changes & this is just a really badly, cheaply made flick that is quite frankly a disaster on every level.The IMDb says Ticker cost $25,000,000 to make, no disrespect but that's bull. The makers have said that it cost a lot less & director Pyun has said in interviews that it cost a mere $600,000 & was shot in just 11 days & I believe him. Apparently Hopper was only on set for 1 day & never met any of his co-stars, his Irish accent is terrible & I think you can see he knows the films junk & he isn't really trying. In fact Hopper's role as a mad bomber holding a city to ransom isn't a million miles from his role in Speed (1994), having said that Seagal playing a hard as nails karate kicking cop is more or less the same role as every other film he's been in as well. Why actor's like Sizemore, Hopper, Seagal & Peter Greene agreed to do Ticker is beyond me. Ice-T also makes a small appearance at the end.Ticker is an awful film, there are some unintentionally hilarious moments in it which makes it one of those car crash films which are a complete disaster but you can't take your eyes off it. Do yourself a favour & give this one a miss.

Yes, This comment may contain spoilers, but believe me.. It wouldn't matter at all !!It's not great for sure, although it's not that bad either. But when it comes to a movie with bombs maniac in it, I just prefer an Egyptian one named (Batal min warak - 1988) or (Hero Made of Paper); it was super thriller comedy, even by the American cinema measures (you can find it on the IMDb database). And as for (Ticker), I just want to talk about a bit of what provoked me. For instance, Jaime Pressly. She is one hot chick, no doubt about that. But in (Ticker).. it's painful experiment if you forced yourself to watch her till the end (yes, I did that to myself !!). There is no acting, hot moments, or anything exciting at all (except one witty surprise in the end). Dennis Hopper plays a very weak character, because simply there is no good motive with any meaning to justify all of this bombing here and there, only this funny desire to be Michelangelo of the exploding art ?!?!And above all.. The real thing to irritate, aggravate, annoy, and boil you.. The cool presence.. The very cooooool presence of the one and only : Mr. Steven Seagal.. The greatest of the worst action heroes ever !It was so boring here to wait that long to watch him in a fight (and it was just ONE fight !). However this time I was so lucky, because I've waited longer than that while watching his other movie (The Patriot - 1998) to have nothing at all eventually !! And believe me, in Ticker, you'll have your own share of laughs, especially in the climactic sequence, when the bomb is about detonation, and there is just minutes before the big BOOOM, and Seagal is giving a long philosophical lesson to Tom Sizemore, talking in his real ridiculous calm way about forgetting all of the fear and all of the hope too, plus whatever attaches you to death or life, and how that will make you so confident and successful and happy !!.. Because love is forever baby !!I think that was the very words of Steven Seagal himself as a Buddhist. I can see clearly how it's connected to whatever he believes in and performs too. Of course there is nothing wrong with Buddha and his wisdom, but there are many wrong things with Seagal and his career !In (Ticker) you can simply replace him and put for example (Peter Weller), he would be funnier. Or you can bring (Christopher Lambert) or (Armand Assante) instead, but I think as bombs expert, they would be that cheerful, or that mad, to blow it all up !! Hmmm.. maybe bringing (Tom Sizemore) himself would be good idea as his own twin brother, OH YEAH that would've made it more worth watching ! And let him be the one who killed his brother's family; WAW.. I think any of my nonsense is better than the "love never die" end !At last, I think that Steven Seagal as a star (or in the way of being an ex–star) released from his "fear" of losing, and his "hope" to be a true action star as (Jackie Chan) or (Sylvester Stallone). So he would do such movies like this over and over again. But I just ask myself not how could he be that bad every time without getting any better ? No.. I ask myself : If that's the case.. Who on earth would watch him again ?!

No words can describe the pain I went through watching only part of this film!!! I love Steven but this really takes the mick!! How is Dennis Hopper in it? How has his acting skills left in such a hurry? Did the director have eyes? Ears? Any of our valuable five senses? This film is a very weak attempt at a thriller, with no tension or character development we are left to wonder who are these people? There is a fight scene at some point and its awful! Badly lit so you can't really see, one by one anonymous "bad guys" approach Steven and (ofcourse) he takes them all out. I don't know how or why a film of this depressing quality was ever put out, it makes me want to cry.