North by northwest, To catch a thief, Charade. These movies come to mind when you watch a movie like this. They all had Cary Grant playing against actresses like Eve Marie Saint, Grace Kelly and Audry Hepburn. This one has Johnny Depp, which could probably have worked, except unfortunately he's up against Angelina Jolie. Now she may be a star, but she was never much of an actress. She starred in two movies based on a computer game, both of them cheap copies of Indiana Jones, where all she had to do was running round in shorts and tank tops and kicking ass. Then she made a movie with Brad Pitt, they got married, and now she was definitely a star. But in a movie like this it takes more than good looks to make it work and there's simply no chemistry at all between Depp and her. So the romance angle dies there. But there must be some fun and action surely ? Well we get Depp being chased over the roofs in Venice dressed in pyjamas and a boat chase in the Canals, where the bad guys on foot manage to overtake the boat at every bridge, and that's pretty much it. The plot is pretty simple although they try to make it seem complicated by throwing a few not too surprising twists into it. The script and dialogue are weak, and the director doesn't do anything to make up for it. So if you like these kind of movies check out the ones i mentioned at the beginning, and don't bother with this.

I just reviewed Chaos, and this is much of the same. A great idea with lazy writing by some mentally disabled con artists who stole another idiots money to make this pile of steaming ____ (fill in the blank). OK, so it's entertaining in some ways, BUT to me that's not enough, the plot still has to hold together somehow. And I know all about 'suspension of disbelief', but this is just too much !! WORST OF ALL, the hole came right at the end of the movie, so they really sucked me in !! SO, Depp and Jolie are with the CIA or whomever, Depp is a master thief but has fooled the CIA. The climax comes as the REALLY Bad Guys want Depp to open a safe or they kill Jolie. Thankfully just as he is about to do it, the CIA kills the Bad Guys. Then there's a radio call that the Master Thief guy has been caught. ALL THE CIA AGENTS RUN AWAY AND LEAVE Depp, the real Master Thief, alone with his girl Jolie. With no one around except a bunch of dead guys in an expensive hotel suite, not even the manager has come around, Depp opens the safe and they run away with the money, AND give the 'finger' to the obsessed agent pursuing them.... YEAH, OK, MAKES SENSE TO ME ! d-OH ...

Still trying to figure that out. An action style opening is very uninvolving and then nothing really happens for 40 minutes. Angelina Jolie, one of the hottest actresses of the past decade or so, really isn't as much an actress as she is a scandal sheet headline. She has every man practically drooling over her, but I find her to be an ice princess whose career seems to be melting around her. It may take time, but she's a lackluster personality with too much ecologin who just isn't all that interesting on the big screen. Certainly no Audrey Hepburn in "Roman Holiday" taking a weekend trip to Venice via Paris.She's involved in some sort of international intrigue, and by sitting with Johnny Depp on the train from Paris to Venice involves him in her caper, putting him in danger, a sequence which finally adds some action when he is chased atop Venitian rooftops by the bad guys and ends up in an Italian prison because of it.Any time that Depp appears on screen, this film manages to be raised a notch, even though his character seems to go from dorky buffoon to wised up and angry, and following Jolie all over in spite of her admission that she just used him.One dimensional bad guys mistake Depp for one of Jolie's associates, and this continues to involve Depp in her intrigue. This should have been much more exciting and fails miserably in its attempts to be a romantic thriller with Jolie yet another adventuress living a James Bond/Indiana Jones life a la Lara Croft. At least that mediocre series moved at a fast pace. This moves along like a snail and has little cleverness. I felt sorry for Depp, but as far as Jolie was concerned, it sludged her down my ratings scale.

I can imagine this conversation between Angelina Jolie (AJ) and the producers of the film (PF): AJ - But the script is horrible! PF - Yes, but you get to wear 12 wonderful dresses. AJ - But the script is horrible! PF - We are going to pay you a gazillion dollars. AJ - But the script is horrible! PF - You don't have to act. Just read the lines. AJ - But the script is horrible! PF - You get to wear ALL the make-up. Minimum 2 kilos per shot we promise. AJ - But the script is horrible! PF - All the men in the movie, we mean ALL, will look at you like you are the prettiest girl ever despite the fact that...well, we all know your glory days are already behind you. AJ - ...ooook....I am listening...anything else you want to throw to the bargain table? PF - Free trip to Venice? AJ - Deal.I mean, seriously, why oh why all big name actors, on top of their careers, must make such horrible movies. Remember "Runaway bride"? It's not like they need the movie, or more fame. It's not like they just started and must get whatever role is thrown at them...so why do they do it? Angelina would have 100 guys that will take her to Venice and cater to her every need, so why does she need to do such thing?And don't get me started with Johnny "Dead" (because this is how he looks through the entire movie).The movie is bad no matter how you look at it. The plot is predictable, the acting is horrendous (in fact, the supporting actors are better than the lead characters), the story is bad, the romance is forced...nothing, and I mean nothing, is good in this movie...except that you get to see nice parts of Venice, but I won't even give points to that because the movie is just this bad.I don't recall giving such bad reviews, but this "jewel" takes the cake. Don't watch it. And remember, if you say "the tourist" tree times in front of a mirror Angelina Jolie will put 2 tons of make-up on your face!FUN FACT: Why does everybody talks to their cuffs?