Short and Simple Review by WubsTheFadgerThis is gonna be extremely short.A story full of clichés, bad acting, horrible action sequences, a load of product placement, and an overlong runtime.This is a recipe for a bad movie.

Frank Martin (Ed Skrein) is the transporter, a professional driver for hire with a personal code. His dad (Ray Stevenson) is a newly retired British secret agent. Frank is hired by Anna (Loan Chabanol) and her three beautiful friends. He gets dragged into a bank heist revenge plot against the Russian mobster who fifteen years earlier had trafficked the girls into sex slavery. When he tries to cancel the deal, they reveal that they have kidnapped his father.The story is reasonable for a Transporter movie. There are car chases and action fights. It's a little weird that Anna hasn't aged in 15 years. It should be 5 years instead. The missing presence of Jason Statham hangs over this movie. With Statham being so busy and probably much more expansive, replacing him is an understandable move. Luc Besson tries to continue the franchise with newcomer Ed Skrein. He has the Euro-smirk down pat but he can't replace Statham. It's too big of an ask. Besson should have Statham do a cameo to hand off the baton. Ed Skrein could be a disciple or even his little brother. In that way, Statham could always return to the franchise like Vin Diesel returning to the Fast and Furious franchise. At this point, Statham could return only if this movie is forgotten like a bad hangover.

The title says it all really, but I'll expand a little. I find that the first half is not that bad. In between all the jerking off of Audi, there's actually some decent action scenes. But seriously, the first half looks almost like an Audi commercial. There's some attempt at bonding between Frank and his father that had potential, but was only done half-heartily. Not unlike most of the movie. There are some clear nods to the Statham movies, but it ends up feeling like a discount rip off. Or the poor mans transporter. Ed Skrein is not the guy. His attempt at humor doesn't hit and his tough guy attitude isn't convincing enough. Nothing against Ed Skrein, though. He was just miscast. That could probably be a result of the fact that Jason Statham IS the transporter, though. After the midpoint, the movie declined. The story fell apart, and the action felt more shallow. It somehow turned into a discount Quantum of Solace. And I don't have to tell you what that means. To summarize. If you want a good action flick, watch something else, like the rock, or the original transporters. If you're a die hard transporter fan, watch this but prepare for disappointment.

This is truly a masterpiece of pathetic. Seriously? Bad Russians with even worse accents? A plot that has been done so much I thought the actors needn't memorize their lines, this is the same tired script from every bad Russian movie of the 70s and 80s. I actually found myself feeling sorry for the "Russians", those poor actors didn't get paid nearly enough to have to say this idiotic drivel publicly, poor guys, The protagonist, although more like a protagonist wannabe seems to spend more time talking to his father, pacing, and asking stupid questions than actually doing anything of value. The saving grace of the entire movie is the father, reminiscent of the 60's James Bond characters, he at least has good taste in wine and women. I gave it a one because frankly, one cannot give .5 a point.