When Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino put out their Grindhouse movies several fake trailers were also made to be shown with this double feature. Of these, "Machete" was the one that I honestly could have seen being made into a movie. And wonderfully it was.This is not a movie to take seriously. This is not a movie to analyze. This is not a movie to discuss later on about it's merits and the symbolism behind Machete's machete. This is a movie to sit back, enjoy and laugh your ass off. The director is making a B movie on purpose with A-list actors all hamming it up and and putting Danny Trejo front and center as the titular Machete. He's the meanest, baddest and most dangerous man on either side of the Mexican border. Add to it a star studded cast with the likes of Robert DeNiro as a sleazy politician, Steven Seagal as a drug lord, Jeff Fahey as one of Steven's enforcers, Don Johnson as a border patrol vigilante, Cheech Marin as a priest who's not above kicking ass for the Lord, Jessica Alba as the sympathetic ICE agent and Lindsay Lohan as a nun with the gun. This is some seriously entertaining stuff. But whatever you do, don't try to analyze this or take it seriously. Just shut your brain off for a while, sit back and enjoy the awesome.

The first question you'll find yourself asking before watching 'Machete' is how they got such an A-list cast for a movie as bizarre sounding as this. You'll probably still be asking the question after the film is finished to be fair, but you'll also understand that the film is made with a lot more quality than what you might otherwise have imagined. The most incredible thing about this movie though is that with the incredible cast they got onboard, the main character is a man who barely speaks. This truly is a unique films in more ways than you can imagine.The best way to describe the film is just downright fun. I love that anything can and will happen at any point. You never know what's in store from scene to scene. No character is safe. The violence is extreme and plentiful. While they did well to get the star power of Jessica Alba signed on, this film is a reminder that she is in the industry for her looks and not her acting skills. She gives a very clunky performance, but damn she looked good doing it. Michelle Rodriguez falls into the same category.'Machete' is a film that is very hard to do justice for when simply telling people about it. It needs to be experienced to be understood. And I certainly would recommend seeing it if you haven't already because in this day and age where originality is seriously lacking a unique film of any sort is worth its weight in gold.

I mean if you want to see a movie that makes a white Senator who wants to keep illegals outs of America (which is not a bad thing) out to be a killer and racist scumbag then you will like this movie. It has horrible acting and a pathetic script to go along with an overall completely butt backwards reality on a real major problem in America. Just another low end political agenda push for someone who wants free things, doesn't speak English and doesn't pay taxes but wants citizenship. Danny Trejo is a classic bad actor in cheesy movies. I'm not against him in certain movies like Halloween he did a good job. But as for Jessica Alba she is worse than ever. She just still can't act at all. De Niro is the only credible actor in the whole movie and of course is depicted as the scumbag inwhich he plays the role well. I just can't believe that people would actually claim this to be a good movie. And to give an excuse saying its this way because of the genre does not make crap not crap. Final verdict $1 Walmart movie

Machete (2010): Dir: Robert Rodriguez, Ethan Maniquis / Cast: Danny Trejo, Steven Seagal, Robert De Niro, Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodriguez: The title not only stands for the anti-hero but also his nature. After witnessing his family murdered at the hands of Torres, Machete attempts to start over until he is offered a large sum of money to assassinate Senator McLaughlin. He accepts the job but is double crossed and left for dead. Directed by Robert Rodriguez and Ethan Maniquis as a film version of the mock trailer presented in the Grindhouse double features. Danny Trejo is playing his first lead as Machete. He is out to clear his name, seek vengeance and solve a plot regarding immigration. Jessica Alba plays a cop trying to work her way up. She will see Machete as innocent especially after he saves her ass. Robert De Niro plays the corrupt Senator ranting about immigration rights. The role is somewhat comical especially given where McLaughlin ends up. He proves not to be trusted but his methods come back with fatal consequences. Steven Seagal starts out well as Torres before becoming a waste for a blade fight. Torres committed murder and a betrayal towards Machete but the rest of the film has his mug speaking from a monitor until they meet for a disappointing saber fight. Michelle Rodriguez plays a pointless character who loses an eye and eventually dons the snake Plisskin look as well as the attitude. While some may point out the immigration theme, this film clearly has a different agenda. It is well made technically but it contains graphic violence that drives the title full force. Score: 6 ½ / 10