Having just watched Hobgoblins, I now have a new entry for my most hated movies. It's an unbelievably pathetic rip-off of Gremlins which combines the worst parts of a horny teenager movie and a dead teenager movie. It was made for no other reason than the (futile) hope of making a quick buck by director/producer Rick Sloan, who obviously never met a teenager or saw a movie before making this one.The 'hero' of this picture is Kevin, the new assistant security guard at a near abandoned movie studio. He's joined in this worthless enterprise by his girlfriend Amy, a frigid nag, her friend Daphne, a vapor brained nympho, and Daphne's boyfriend Tony (at least I think that's his name) who belongs to an unspecified branch of the military and who or may not be related to the guys on Jersey Shore. Plus there's Kyle, who's only attributes are a vague resemblance to Carl Wilson and a tendency to call naughty 1-900 numbers at the least sensible times, and an elderly security guard who is absent for most of the movie.The titular hobgoblins are small, toothy, extremely ugly aliens who make all your wildest dreams come true, right up until the point where they kill you. They're unleashed onto the world and unsuspecting audiences by Kevin, who accidentally releases them from the vault where they've been imprisoned for the last thirty years. It seems that the old security guard has dedicated the last three decades of his life to making sure they never escaped, but somehow neglected to put a lock or even a warning sign on the outside of the vault. This is only slightly more inexplicable than the fact that despite knowing more about the creatures than anyone else in this travesty, he stays back at the lot after giving some instructions on how to catch them.So Kevin spends the rest of the movie chasing the ugly little buggers while they work their evil magic on him and his friends, granting their fantasies of being a war hero, being a stripper, actually meeting a woman, etc. Their pitiful capers take them to exotic locals such as Kevin's house, the inside of Tony's van, and the aptly named Club Scum, which looks oddly like a Rotary hall. The hobgoblins are eventually vanquished, although unfortunately without killing any of the people in this movie.As you hopefully realize by this point, there's no acting of any kind in this movie. There are also no real sets, no real plot, and no real budget. The titular critters are cheap hand puppets that mostly appear at the edge of the screen or partly obscured by furniture, the better to hide the puppeteer's hand. In the few instances where they directly attack someone, it's painfully obvious that the actors are just rolling around with plush toys. The fight with the octopus in Bride of the Monster was more convincing than this. At least the puppet wrestling has more plot significance than an earlier fight with gardening implements between Kevin and Tony, which takes place for no discernible reason except nagging from their girlfriends.What's worse, Hobgoblins constantly tries to be sexy, but has no idea how. The characters talk about getting it on with such earnestness and regularity that we can be certain whoever wrote their lines has never been past first base. Fifth graders know more innuendos and euphemisms than these bozos. And when Kyle dials up the local phone madam, her spiel comes off not so much erotic as schizoid. She used few complete sentences, and kept changing the pitch and volume of her voice, but apparently her routine has something to do with a mass breakout at the zoo.Nor does Club Scum offer anything remotely sexy. The lights are too dim to see anything clearly, most of the girls look like they crawled out of a gutter, and Amy's 'striptease' looks more like a spastic cheerleading routine, and shows amazingly little skin. It's telling that none of the items of clothing thrown into the sparse audience have any resemblance to the ones she was wearing. Halfway through her act, I began to wonder why a place called Club Scum would have no stripper pole, but dropped this line of inquiry to ponder why a bouncer would hurl someone into the club while yelling at them to get out.I could go on and on about how pitiful this movie is. I could spend page after page describing its utter stupidity and abysmal quality. I could fill an entire page ranting about the music alone. Bottom line, Hobgoblins is utterly worthless and there is no reason for anyone on earth to see it. A blank screen shown for the same amount of time would have been a vast improvement, and I would surely have gone mad had I not been watching the MST3K version. Even Joel, Tom, and Crow had a hard time with this one. Anyone foolish enough to watch Hobgoblins after reading this will deserve what they get. Zero stars.

I know the most common version Is The MST3K one But I saw not only that Version but the Original. There are a few parts edited like MCcreedy's bosses scenes were cut Kyle's first phone sex call Kevin telling him that he's got a ton of phone bills for the sex hot-line not knowing Kyle is the reason and Nick suiting up for his grenade throwing spree. This is just to weird to understand it has so many plot-holes a pointless rake fight that seems like it goes on for ten minutes The Hobgoblins don't appear in till 20 or so minutes into it. The movie just makes no sense 1 person dies in a very cheesy way maybe two Nick's sergeant gets blown up but he could have been an illusion. The Hobgoblins can cause people to see things but other people can see someone else's illusion which is solid to other people to. This is easily one of the cheesiest movies i ever saw The beginning is weird the middle is Boring and unintentionally funny and the End has to be seen to be believed MCcreedy could have blown up the vault at any time so he's responsible for the whole movie. If that isn't enough there a part were some one is being fanned with a bottle acting like there getting hit an extra tipping there table over to make a chase look more wild.

This is a very, very bad film but I can't bring myself to give it a 1 simply because the film never takes itself seriously. It realizes it's garbage and makes no apologies--a bad movie that never tries to be anything more! The film is about an old movie studio that's no longer functioning. When young guys are given jobs here as security guards, they have a habit of dying--and the old guy working with them doesn't do a whole lot to stop this until our hero (i.e., a big wuss) saves the old guy and the oldster tells him about the hobgoblins that live there. These creatures grant people whatever wish they want but end up killing them in the process. A not particularly good deal if you ask me. When these things get loose and attack the neighborhood, it's time to destroy these malevolent pests.The film is an obvious knock-off of GREMLINS, though with practically no budget and actors who are ALL worse than Zack Galligan!!! But the most hilariously bad part of the film are the hobgoblins which are nothing more than cheap puppets--not much more realistic than ones kids might get from Toys R Us! They obviously are not animated in any way and flail about like stuffed animals--really, really crappy ones.Overall, there's really not reason to watch this dumb film unless you are a masochist who likes bad films! Don't say I didn't warn you!

Plot: Now that's a laugh, Something this movie doesn't have is a plot.My Spiel: Okay let me throw it down here. A old security guard has a new recruit to train, and takes him threw the normal routine and the new guard notices a area which should be permanently guarded or so the old security guard says. Well Some how..... Just trying to explain this super cheese fest of a movie is bad enough, so work with me here. A ½ of 10 review is too good for this movie. Many people will probably think this is a rip off of "Gremlins" or "Critters", But in order for it to be a rip off it needs a story, plot, and the creatures are just pain ridicules. about 90% of this movie the director probably just said screw it and just started filming random stuff. But I'm getting away from the story. "HAHAHA" I said Story..." Hobgoblins & Story should never be used in the same sentence. Let me try to focus here. This so called secret totally secure area in which these 2 security guards must protect, Has a giant Safe and is being locked by a twist tie lock. Yes, I said twist tie the same thing that holds air out of your bread. Heck a 2 year old could sneak in this safe. But hiding in this safe are creatures so horrible and deadly, they have the power to warp people in a deadly fantasy illusion which eventually kill's the idiot victim, But what they mostly do is run away and drive in golf carts. "Wait it gets better" The director obviously couldn't figure out how to make these little creatures actually move/run/walk and film at the same time so how you know they get from here to there. All you hear is a scamper noise and the terrible actors in this $h1t fest look at there feet and go, wow did you see that! Yes Horrible and deadly is right to your eyes. These creatures spend all the time running and trying to cause mayhem to places you wouldn't give two $h1t's about. Then to end this super cheese fest which can be seen in the picture on the page, They have a mini pod space craft which magically appears out of thin air. I really have nothing good to say about this movie, except the "Mystery Science Theater 3000" group made fun of this horrible movie making it at least someone enjoyable to watch. But making fun of this movie is like pooping on poop, it should not be attempted.HOBGOBLINS (1988) Review: ½/10