I attended a Catholic school in my youth and that's why, when I saw a story written by Charles Purpura about life in a Catholic setting I had to see how many inaccuracies they would offer. The film is called " Heaven Help Us " directed by Michael Dinner. It purports to relate the story of a transfer student named Michael Dunn (Andrew McCarthy) who due to family problems is transferred to a new academic setting. The headmaster of the school is Brother Thadeus (Donald Sutherland) a fair minded, but serious disciplinarian who reminds all students of the obligation they owe to friends, family and community at large. Dunn is befriended by a local group led by a bragging, trouble starting, self- centered boy named Rooney (Kevin Dillon) who reminds Dunn of the need for close friendship and loyalty. Although one or two of the Teachers are harsh and overly strict, favor the physical punishment by the 'Rod', most are good souls like Brother Timothy (John Heard) who offer understanding and compassion. This surprising story is full of wonderful school memories and innocent interaction with young girls. Indeed, most of the film allow audiences to re-live their youth, if only to remember the social difficulties which many thought would never end. The result, a fond look at yesterday and the actors who reminded us of ourselves. Great fun. ****

Director Michael Dinner's wildly unheralded film about life in a Catholic boy's school in Brooklyn circa 1965. Andrew McCarthy, in what is probably his best performance (and role), is the new kid at the school, which is run by strict principal Donald Sutherland and ruled with an iron paddle by psychotic Brother Jay Patterson . Kevin Dillon is the school bully and Malcolm Danare is Cesar, a woefully incompetent brain. The movie is full of great things, capturing the look and feel of the mid-1960s with a lot of great (mostly Motown) music. Dillon and Danare are very funny and the supporting cast features Patrick Dempsey, John Heard, and, in an almost sublime cameo, Wallace Shawn, who reminds the attendees of a school dance that LUST is the BEAST WITHIN! McCarthy has great chemistry with love interest Mary Stuart Masterson. The exceptional screenplay is by Charles Purpura, who, it's hard to believe, went on to write the Justine Bateman vehicle SATISFACTION.

It is an article of faith among certain Protestants that every Catholic is tormented by sexual guilt, a guilt inculcated in them by priests who, because they have no sex life of their own, take an unhealthily prurient interest in everyone else's. The script for "Catholic Boys", as "Heaven Help Us" is generally known in Britain, would appear to have been written by a Protestant of this particular creed.The film is set in St Basil's School, a strict Catholic boys' school in New York. The main character is the sixteen-year-old Michael Dunn, a new student at Saint Basil's, who has been sent to live with his grandparents upon the death of his parents. His grandmother is determined that Michael should eventually enter the priesthood, even though he shows little evidence of having a priestly vocation. The film follows the adventures of Michael, his non-Catholic girlfriend Danni, his classmates and the monks who teach them over the course of a school year. Among the other students are the fat, unpopular would-be intellectual Caesar and Ed Rooney, the foul-mouthed class bully. The three monks who play important roles in the film are the headmaster, Brother Thaddeus, Brother Timothy, a young novice, and Brother Constance, a "strict disciplinarian" (an expression which, in this context, is a euphemism for "sadistic bully").Like most of his fellow Brat Packers (Emilio Estevez and Demi Moore being exceptions), Andrew McCarthy has rather faded from view in recent years. In the mid-eighties, however, he was regarded as a major star in the making, and this film makes good use of his clean-cut persona as the "good boy" Michael, who is strongly contrasted with Kevin Dillon's bad-boy Rooney. The three monks Thaddeus, Timothy and Constance are also well played, especially by Jay Patterson as the last.Some Catholics have objected to the way in which their religion is portrayed in the film, and there certainly appear to be elements of satire at the expense of traditionalist Catholicism, especially its attitude towards sex. Perhaps the best clue to the film-makers' intentions lies in the date at which the action takes place; 1965. Ever since about 1980, a 1960s setting has frequently been cinematic shorthand for "clash between traditional values and trendy permissive ones". By the mid-sixties, a clash of this nature was taking place within the Catholic church itself following the Second Vatican Council, but the school remains a strongly traditionalist institution; Mass, for example, is still said in Latin rather than English. As the film progresses, however, we see that a version of the clash between tradition and progress is being played out even in St Basil's. After an incident in which Constance savagely thrashes several students for their part in a prank, we discover that his vicious sadism has appalled not only the liberal Brother Timothy but also Brother Thaddeus, who is far from liberal but is at least humane enough to realise that Constance's methods should have no place in the education of the young."Catholic Boys", is not, however, primarily a serious film about conservatism versus liberalism in the field of religious education. Indeed, it is not primarily a serious film at all, but a comedy, albeit one that has some satirical points to make. Indeed, it is the satirical scenes which are often the most amusing and memorable ones, particularly the ones set in the confessional which strengthened my long-held belief that the sacrament of confession is a rather ridiculous institution and that its abolition was one of the wiser moves of the Protestant Reformation. I also liked the scene where the boys are only allowed to attend a dance with pupils from a local girls' school after being treated to a hell-and-brimstone sermon on the sin of lust. (Or rather, the thin of lutht- the priest who delivers it speaks with a strong lisp). A highly amusing comedy, well worth watching. Those who saw it as anti-religious or anti-Catholic need to get a sense of humour. 7/10

A real favorite from the 1980s, during the slew of 80s films that took place in the 60s (see Stand By Me, Porkys, Mischief, etc.) Perennial movie nice guy back then Andy McCarthy enrolls at a tough-as-nails Catholic school in 1965. Apparently his parents have just died, and he and his sister move in with their religion-toting grandmother who envisions McCarthy as, if not the Pope, a future priest. But Catholic school or not, your usual assortment of wily teen boys occupy the place. You have the chronic masturbator Geoffrey's, tag-along Dempsey, frumpy nerd Danare, and malcontent Dillon, who hilariously refers to everyone as a "faggot". A forgotten performer would be the strong supporting turn from Jay Patterson as a hot-headed teacher. Before reform by the Catholic church in the 70s, guys like Patterson existed, usually in the form of nuns. He takes their "ruler-to-hand" approach many steps further. The boys deal with them, plus their hormones, various school activities, and spending time at their favorite hang-out. This is where a slight but sweet romance develops between McCarthy and Masterson. She's such a downtrodden personality---with an appropriate speech about "meloncholia"---that the romance lacks punch. Throw in a slight theft from "Risky Business" involving the demise of a father's car, and you have an enjoyable comedy that sustains itself from start to finish. Purpura's script and Michael Dinner's fluid direction aid a fun story with a monster pay-off involving McCarthy and Patterson. Nice Brooklyn period atmosphere and music make this a must-find for obscure 80s comedy.