I couldn't understand a damned thing anyone was saying in this ugly, occasionally-imaginative horror flick. Didn't stop me. I just watched.Remember the Nazi Pig-Troopers who come crashing into David Kessler's house in An American Werewolf in London? Multiply those squealing nasties by about a dozen--and sprinkle in the one critter from the various Hellraisers with the clicking, chomping choppers-- and you've got the latest creations by the fashionista of Fascism, Dr. Viktor Frankenstein (crazy as his cousin, Peter Cushing). I loved the first Zombot-thingy that the Soviet soldiers find in the generator room. That one scared me--androgynous, sightless, totally aware, and, well, yech!I found moments of real horror mixed in with the film. One of the Russian squad members is a psychopath. We'd like to think he runs his fighting knife into a whimpering woman's chest cavity because he wants to put her out of her third-degree pain, but we know he just wanted to shut her up, to tie up a loose end before moving on. That was the most unpleasantly believable moment in this sci-fier. As the Roosians dig deeper into this convent from hell, we get to see ever-weirder creations from Frankenco Enterprises (I loved the one with the propeller for a face--vroom!) and, even though what little story there was breaks down, and is replaced by guts, gore, and, I swear, Karo Syrup for brain lube, I couldn't help but watching to see who-- or what--makes it out of Viktor's Haus of Horrors.I just sat there with my mouth hanging open, guffawing and eeyoooing when the one soldier (unarmed--sorry) keeps fungooing Dr. Frank cuz that's all he can throw at him, when the Polish noncom gets a new outlook on the blending of Marxism and Hitlerian goose-stepping, and when it looks as if the only uninjured squad member is about to lose something vital, not by Frankenstein's hands but by Soviet artillery.It all made just about zero sense--and there were so many fun things the art director could have cooked up in order to add to the freakshowism of Frankenstein's Army--but by the end, I had given up on worrying about that which was lackluster and thought about how R2-D2 would look in a coal-scuttle helmet and a German greatcoat.What makes Frankenstein's Army lose its battle is the fact that Viktor's creations aren't recognizably human (for the most part). If you've struggled through Mary Shelley's novel or seen a bunch of movies (including the NBC movie from 1973), you know that the story of Frankenstein's creature works because the audience feels sorry for it, wants its pain to be assuaged. Here, the monsters are just another variation of zombies. We feel no pain for them--even the ones who look sort of human--and therefore, we don't care for them. Don't get me wrong. I wouldn't want to meet the creature from the novel or Michael Sarrazin as his face starts to unravel in the TV- movie way back when, but I felt sorry for all the moaning, screeching critters, in the 1930 original to one of those poor dumb things Peter Cushing cooked up and then had to cook.It's weird. I think I wanted more campiness. You know . . . Ziggy Disgust.

A found footage-style film from the Second World War is not something I would have been expecting to take seriously, due mainly to the highly improbable nature of 'home movies' being shot with cameras from the 1940's. Indeed, there is a certain tongue-in-cheek style to proceedings as if the producers are urging us to go along with a story they clearly believe is worth telling, however unlikely the circumstances. With a few blemishes on the recordings to at least remind us the footage has apparently been lost for 70 years, we meet a group of Russian soldiers answering a fuzzy distress call from deep in the misty German countryside. The transition from the unforgiving, snow-flecked terrain and the underground bunker they discover, with its spitting electric cables and an adornment of torsos with weaponry grafted into their flesh is very evocative and succeeds in drawing the viewer in to this hidden world.When the monsters emerge ('sewing dead people together'), they are very impressive. There is very little CGI here, but physical, constructed monstrosities (many created by Richard Raaphorst for his previous, aborted 'Worst Case Scenario' film).While the creations are wonderful, the human characters fare less well. Their dialogue soon becomes a hysteric mass of shrieking and cursing (understandable, given the circumstances) and it's difficult to know (or care) who is who – which is fine: this is a monster show, and these people are largely fodder. When the soon discovered Victor Frankenstein turns out to be just another shrieker and curser, the interest begins to wane. He's clearly insane, but just as two-dimensional as his (human) co-stars.

We put it on expecting it to be cheesy, but eh, give it a try. My husband and I were pleasantly surprised, in fact, delighted! We are even going to watch it again. There are so many subtle details and things in the background or aren't directly addressed. The characters are believable, and the costuming is FANTASTIC! Sure somethings are a bit over the top but I don't think it took away from the movie but actually part of the charm. It's all shot 'Blair Witch' style, POV of a camera carried by the character(s). While I wouldn't call it terrifying, it was scary and got that adrenaline pumping, and usually we're stoic movie watchers but even we had to do the tentative 'oooooo' and those little spazs you do when a character needs to do something - which, a huge credit to this movie, is not full of idiot characters you yell at the screen for being an idiot. What an enjoyable ride.

One in a wave of Nazi zombie films to come out in the past decade, FRANKENSTEIN'S ARMY is a deliriously insane slice of B-movie film-making. The plot is as simple as anything, but what this Czech film lacks in intricacy and subtlety it more than makes up for with its sheer visual inventiveness.This is another 'found footage' movie which follows a squad of Russian soldiers trekking through east Germany in the dying days of WW2. They soon come across a seemingly abandoned complex which turns out to house a mad scientist and some decidedly odd creations. The zombies in this film are some of the most creative ever put on film, and the camera-work and music make them into fearsome creations.The acting is nothing to write home about, aside from another solid turn from stock bad guy Karel Roden (HELLBOY), but the technical values are very good. The creations are the best part of it, of course, but this is also an extremely gory film in which the blood and body parts flow freely. It sure as hell isn't high art, but it is viciously entertaining and thoroughly engrossing for what it is.