Not for the legions of devoted fans who rightfully adored the original mind you, but for the studio. At least that way they could have sold it as an action packed adventure for the family. Maybe they would have come close to breaking even. For the rest of us though, all the million dollar sets and bare breasted women in the world couldn't save this film from its flat dialogue, terrible character development, overly convenient plot vehicles (master thief who just happens to have the keys to a secret passage to the fortress, anyone?), and badly overacted character stereotypes. It took the me three tries to make it through this movie and I still gave up about 20 minutes from the end.

Things got off to a poor start with Morgan Freeman's unconvincing audio introduction and the pause for Conan's father to perform a lightning C-section on his dying mother in the midst of a violent battle. Then it started looking up, as we see the young Conan as an impetuous anger-filled youth who is already skillful enough to take down a group of marauders all on his own. He is then given good reason to be angry, as a new invader destroys his village and leaves him in an impossible situation trying to save his father's life. the father has the wisdom to end it himself, to assuage any guilt. But there's always revenge as a motive. Then the youth has grown into a hulk (better explained in the Arny version), yet the rage seems to have evaporated, even if the desire for revenge still drives him. Nonso Anozie is a fun character who leaves all too soon (and will be disappointed the flop is unlikely to generate the equel he deserved). Then we meet the ambiguous Rachel Nichols, who one moment is an admirable self-sufficient match for Conan and the next is behaving like a helpless screamy slasher movie victim. Stephen Lang's villain is of Shakespearean roots, more prone to explaining his villainy than actually inspiring terror. And as for Rose McGowan's witch, it must make even the most ardent appreciators of her denunciation wonder what Weinstein saw in her in the first place (perhaps weirdness inspires weirdness). The combined result is that, for all the action, one finds oneself not really caring much about the outcome, especially as it is clearly established that good will overcome evil (ok, so Bond always wins, but at least there are convincing obstacles in his way). The whole thing makes me wonder what we reasonably expect from a Conan film. The Arny original is a classic, but despite nice touches and humour the three weren't exactly great movies, let's be honest. I suppose the closest to the ideal was Vin Diesel in The Chronicles of Riddick, with a great warrior who is also clever and whose qualities attract followers to the cause. If he has to be muscle bound then I suppose one thinks of Dwayne Johnson in The Scorpion King. The key is a good story that is convincingly acted (room for humour and romance optional).

The problem with doing a remake is that it really, really needs to be better than the original. For S&S fans, that's going to be a tough job. But it's always easier to get finance for a 'proven concept' than an original one. You'd have thought they'd have learned their lesson by now but apparently not.Having said that, this isn't a direly bad film, it's just not a particularly good one. Is that an oxymoron? Anyway, it certainly falls short in comparison to the two originals which is a shame because there is a lot of 'Conan' left to explore, but this just doesn't get to the heart of the characters or story/plot. If you look at the sequence of events, it can seem rather contrived (maybe you're not supposed to do that).The goodies and allies are good and the baddies are suitably bad and, of course, get their comeuppance - comeuppance is always good, isn't it. There are some interesting set pieces and the production values are superb but the editor (stand up Ken Blackwell) could do with a little less caffeine while he's copying and pasting. In case no one's told him - which they obviously haven't - fast cutting doesn't make scenes more interesting or exciting, just more boring and confusing. Hey ho...Momoa may be a good actor but, judging from from this movie, the jury's still out. Ron Perlman is at his gruff, solid and earnest best. Lang (in spite of some corny lines which he still delivers well), Nichols and McGowan are excellent and Nonso Anzoie as Conan's sidekick is superb! More Nonso, please!But neither they - nor the copious amounts of action - can make up for a rather derivative script and iffy direction. And what's his predilection with dark? It's not more menacing, threatening, scary, intriguing, mysterious or mystical - you just wonder why they spent so much on production if you can't see it.Watch it and enjoy it on a lazy Sunday afternoon but don't expect any of the magic of the original.I'm scoring it higher than it probably deserves but, heck, it's a Sunday afternoon.

Conan the Barbarian is a really basic action/fantasy movie, and with really basic I mean really basic.The movie begins with short introduction to the world (voiced by the great Morgan Freeman)and after that an introduction to the main character Conan, the story really begins when a bad guy kills Conan's family in search for a magic artifact which will give him great power, Conan survives and goes on a revenge quest. The bad guy gives Conan some time to grow up and then finds the last thing he needs for his ritual, a woman with some special old blood. Conan and this girl meet each other and of course the fall in love. But happiness doesn't last long and the girl get's captured by the bad guy so Conan needs to go and rescue her. He of course succeeds to rescue here kill the bad guy and escape. And that's it.The movie itself was structured like a simple video-game, intro-walking-boss level-walking-boss level-etc-etc-final boss level(the last two boss levels even took place in a video-game like environment).But unlike the protagonist in a video-game Conan is invincible, there were dozens of times where he could've been easily killed but for some reason he just didn't The characters all came straight from the cookie-cutter, none off them had any depth and there wasn't any character development either. So because of this the characters were boring and this made the movie boring.Another minor thing that let this movie down where it's special effects they looked bad, especially in some of the fight-scenes.So overall this was a bad movie about a guy who liked swinging his sword, with bad structuring, boring characters and a way to basic plot. I would give this movie a 4,3/10