....So shouts a frankly embarrassed looking Richard Harrison at the start of this, one of my personal favourites of the numerous z-grade ninja 'spectaculars' that were churned out by our favourite cinematic partners in crime, Joseph Lai and Godfrey Ho.And Harrison's co star in this? - Why it's none other than that perennial bad acting maestro Stuart Smith, here playing the eponymous Cobra of the films title who is running high stakes bets on the eventual outcome of various ninja battles involving the Red Champion (Harrison)As usual, expect a joyful plethora of awful dubbing and some woefully inept attempts to link the ninja segments into the entirely non related (and frankly interminable) crime film that makes up the bulk of the total running time.The ninja sequences are particularly cool here with some superbly energetic, not to mention acrobatic, combat on display utilising a good array of weaponry with all the action driven on by a very cool (and very stolen) soundtrack.Well......What more could you ask for in a film?! Godfrey Ho and Joseph Lai......I salute you!

If you liked FULL METAL NINJA, then this should be up your alley as well. The same bunch of guys from FMN film footage of themselves wearing "Ninja" headbands and fighting, and then periodically insert these shots into another completely different film. (In this case, it looks like a low-budget Fillipino martial arts film.) The two movies have nothing to do with one another, and characters from one film never interact with the other film, although they try to make it seem like they do. The end result is pretty rotten, but the dialogue/dubbing is a scream. This is good for a cheese-fest.

Now keep in mind that I only gave this movie a 2 (out of possible 10), but Cobra vs Ninja is an experience, not a film. There are few better conversation pieces than the opening sequence of this movie, with two obvious white guys in neon pajamas (one looks like classic Hulk Hogan) screaming and running at each other, tiny swords drawn. The truth is that nothing says ninja like a yellow and red headband with NINJA stylishly written across it. (Little picture of a ninja action pose and all.) This movie probably kicked off realultimatepower.com with ninjas flipping out and slicing people to ribbons. Do yourself a favor and watch the first fifteen minutes of this movie with friends. You'll talk about it for years.

The front cover depicted Ninjas in a variety of action poses, shooting firearms, driving cars. I'll admit the opening sequence is stunning; a ninja runs along the hills while imitation Devo plays on the soundtrack, pulls out his sword and screams "Ninja" !!!! with heavy echo. Then he duels a white dude with a curly fro at least 3 feet high (it looks totally natural). As you can see this is the highlight of the film. the plot is so confusing that I am still not convinced I interpreted it correctly. Cobra, who is a Ninja, is making high stakes bets on ninja duels involving Gordon (The Red Champion). Gordon has trained four men who after returning to civilian life end up involved in the world of organized crime. There is quality kung fu style dubbing ie...Australian and Queens accents for the Hong Kong charachters. The best line is when Gordon discovers Cobra has been using the Ninja challenge card for his own profit " You have broken the Ninja Commandments ! " Rent or buy this only if you want low budget martial arts