I've seen a lot of poor horror films in recent years but nothing prepared me for the mess that is CATACOMBS. Shot on the cheap in Romania by an American crew, and made with a list of unknown, amateur actors, boasting the appearance of pop star Pink in her first acting role, I have to say I wasn't expecting much. Then again, I knew the film was set in the Paris catacombs, and such places are undoubtedly good for atmosphere even if the film itself is lacking (I'm thinking the '80s Italian flick SPECTERS). Sadly, CATACOMBS wastes its setting from the start, never generating one iota of interest or intelligence from a stupid premise, and consisting of little more than a woman running around in tunnels armed with a torch, BLAIR WITCH-style.The story is particularly stupid, so bad that you wonder who on earth would greenlight a plot such as this. It goes nowhere and is riddled with holes and inadequacies. Characters behave stupidly and change motivation as the script demands and nothing at all makes sense. The worst part, though, is the twist ending, which falls flat after becoming completely laughable. The acting is poor and the direction worse. Sossamon is bland as the supposedly empathetic lead and Pink is repellent in her acting debut. There's no gore here, no action either, and the only horror comes from a two-minute flashback sequence detailing the birth of a demon child to a pair of Satanists. This flashback, with its jagged editing and extremely repulsive imagery seemed out of place in CATACOMBS. I didn't care for it at all, but at least it was something: something the rest of the entire film is lacking. What a mess.

This movie is one on my go to movies when I'm in a thriller mood, it was a movie I put on in the background while I cleaned and I didn't really watch it until the ending. The ending caught me by surprise so I HAD to watch it again and was not disappointed. I've always loved the eeriness of underground tunnels, and the addition of the tall demon, that could be lurking around any corner, was awesome. The cast was moderately successful at giving everything this movie needed and seeing P!nk act was a little extra treat that helped this movie catch my attention. I recommend it to anyone who enjoys movies of people being lost in the dark unknown.

Some 200 years ago, all of the cemeteries in Paris were filled to overflowing; the solution to this problem was to move the remains of 7,000,000 people to the empty underground tunnels on the outskirts of the city. Today, this massive bone repository is known as The Catacombs and is one of Paris' most unusual tourist attractions, and if you believe this dreadful piece of garbage from Lionsgate and Twisted Pictures, it is also the site of illegal raves!It is during one of these wild underground parties that moody, selfish cow Victoria (Shannyn Sossamon) stupidly gets herself lost in the catacombs' labyrinthine network of skull-lined passageways, and finds herself hunted by a savage killer wearing a goat's-head mask. Like we could give a damn.An unbelievable dull film given the atmospheric location and potentially scary set-up, Catacombs spends the majority of it 100 minutes following a scrawny, screaming Sossaman as she wanders aimlessly from tunnel to tunnel, rarely meeting anything more threatening than the odd bat or rat; on the few occasions that she does come face-to-goatmask with the film's killer, she simply screams a bit more and runs away. All of this is tedious in the extreme, and by the end of the film one is left with the impression that we've been shown every last damn inch of the catacombs' 185 miles of tunnels—no need to include that one on the itinerary next time I'm in Paris!To make matters even worse, the film also implies that all French people are either untrustworthy, dangerous or just plain evil, features irritating editing and a grungy aesthetic (like virtually all of Lionsgate's horrors), has the most pathetic twist ending imaginable, and co-stars crap pop-rocker Pink. Avoid.

...of being trapped in the catacombs of Paris, final resting place of millions of bones. Shannyn "A Knight's Tale" Sossamon plays a beautiful wallflower type (yeah, right, I know) who comes to Paris at the invite of her Sorbonne-attending sister (yeah, right), played by Alecia "Pink" Moore, who has no business pretending to be an actress. The rest of the cast are Eastern European unknowns, which is amusing given the film is ostensibly set underneath the City of Lights. Why didn't they just stick with being a cheap rip-off of "Phantom of the Opera" or something more marketable? Where was the love interest? Why should we care about this poor little dimbulb? How was it that someone actually thought Pink could act? Or that audiences enjoy extended exposure to strobe lighting? Or that mobile ad-hoc parties can be held in the Parisian catacombs on a regular basis? It's a limp story, shot well enough by Maxime "The Hills Have Eyes" Alexandre, spliced to within an inch of its life by fledgling editor Josh Rifkin, and directed with leaden hands by David "G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra" Elliot and neophyte Tomm Coker. Mr. Coker should stick with comic books. I haven't seen "G.I. Joe..." and don't intend to be looking for it, so the jury remains out on Mr. Elliot.Nevertheless, the verdict is clear on "Catacombs." Good for Sossamon geeks and insomniac viewing only, and preferably for free. Ill-advised for rental, no pity for purchase. This one's a stinker. Gets a four from me strictly for showing what can be done with a limited budget; otherwise it's a deuce or worse.