Actually the title itself is a sufficient enough reason to stay clear of this movie. I watched it, though, in the slight hope that it might actually turn out to be a decent slasher movie. But no, it was quite the opposite.The story is very simple and generic; a group of young women get trapped in the middle of nowhere with a deviant killer on the rampage."Bikini Girls On Ice" was an entertaining as it was original, enough said. The murderer is no next Jason, Freddy or Michael that is fore sure. In fact you will have forgotten about him immediately when the movie ends. And as for the actual killings, well nothing out of the ordinary, a shame because it could have been what salvaged the movie.All throughout the movie the girls were in bikinis, hence the title. Yeah, I know that it might appeal to a large group of guys, but it was just idiotic. Why would people run around in bikinis during night time? So these women could bring mobile phones but not clothes? It was just so pathetically lame.If you, like me, enjoy a good and entertaining slasher movie, then do yourself a favor and stay well clear of "Bikini Girls On Ice". I suffered through it so you don't have to.

Bikini Girls on Ice tries to be a throwback to 80's slashers but lacks atmosphere, nudity, gore or a credible killer. I can live with the girls being terrible actors, clearly they were hired for their ability to wear a bikini but their characters were unlikable and dumb. Likewise, all the male characters except one are unlikable and dumb. The story, thin as it is, doesn't make any sense. The killer, played by William Jarand, kept making weird grunting sounds and was just not menacing. Maybe if this were edited down to 60 minutes it would be watchable, maybe slightly enjoyable, but there is just too much fluff. Slashers were a genre of their time, difficult to replicate these days.

Some movies you just know are going to be bad, and normally I'm able to resist their siren call; but with this one, like a car wreck you have to rubberneck, it just has to be looked at. I think it was the title (I admit it, I'm a movie snob, but I'm still superficial at times).This is a by-the-numbers slasher flick, with all the usual elements: Good Girl Protagonist, Morally Corrupt Associates, The Cute Guy She Really Likes, Abandoned Setting, Warning By Kooky Local Which Goes Ignored, People Going Off Alone So They Can Be Easily Killed, Killer With Vanishing Skills That Would Make A Ninja Green With Envy, and the Indestructible Killer (did I miss any? I tend to avoid slasher movies, so I may have missed a few).However, there were two important points the makers missed, the Killer's Backstory and the Virgin's Revenge. Now, with the Killer's Backstory, I'm sure that had there been one it would have made little difference in the overall quality of the film, but it would've been nice to have some reason why he did what he did.My degree in Armchair Psychology tells me this guy grew up in an abusive home by a single parent (I'm not sure which). Given his penchant for cutting off his victims' bikini tops, either he watched as his father brought home women and focused on their breasts or his mother liked going around the house topless. As for his apparent sexual thrusting during his kills, he was probably caught masturbating and beaten within an inch of his life and now has severe performance anxiety.As for the Virgin's Revenge, missing this one is practically a cardinal sin. You've seen it once, you've seen it a million times. The morally pure protagonist, having spent the first 90% of the movie trying to escape the killer, now faces down the deranged killer all by herself and only by casting aside her puritanical values is she able to defeat him.But in this, aside from throwing a knife into his neck, the protagonist keeps running around screaming and asking him why he's doing what he's doing. Only a timely arrival by the Kooky Local (now armed with a shotgun) saves her. What's more, we don't even see this final battle, instead we are treated to a close up of her eyes. Granted, in real life this is exactly what would happen, but this isn't real life, this is a slasher flick.Usually, when I go into a movie with low expectations, there is always something that keeps it from being a complete waste of my time, but this one actually managed to come in under my expectations. I think I'm going to watch "Scream" now to see a slasher movie done right.

The title of this film puts me in mind of those figure-skating shows they put on at Christmas—only in this case, instead of Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty On Ice, it would be hot babes in itsy-bitsy bikinis performing the choctaws, camel spins, and triple salchows with a twist to the strains of Bolero (sadly, I imagine such an event is unlikely to happen due to the high risk of hypothermia).Anyway, enough of these flights of fantasy... in reality, Bikini Girls On Ice is a routine slasher the likes of which we have seen many times before, only this time around the helpless female victims are a bunch of hot college girls in sexy swim-wear hoping to raise some cash by holding a bikini car-wash. En route to the location of the event, their bus breaks down outside an abandoned gas station, home to a hulking, wheezing, sweaty, lank-haired maniac called Moe who puts his prey into freezers packed with ice (hence the title!).Exactly who Moe is, why he does what he does, and how come no-one has ever called in the cops to investigate is never explained, and that's just a few of the reasons why this movie sucks, even with the ever present sight of curvaceous cuties jiggling their bits in front of the camera. Other reasons why this films bites: only one pair of bare breasts; virtually no gore; extremely dumb characters; a killer who is able to pop up wherever he likes—the list goes on...What I fail to understand is how anyone can make such a dreary film from such a simple set-up. You got a drooling inbred psycho and half a dozen sexy girls wearing nothing but scraps of material (the sort of garments that can be removed with one easy tug)—how hard can it really be to turn that into a reasonably entertaining movie?3.5 out of 10, very generously rounded up to 4 for all the pretty ladies.