So I decided to watch this whilst ill in bed because for some reason horror movies make me feel better. However this was a horror movie in a whole new sense of the word. As many other reviews have been quick to point out this film is essentially a soft core porno. But I don't feel like that it s the biggest issue, the plot makes little to no sense, characters are seemingly built up of low budget production clichés. Perhaps it's only redeeming quality is one of the main guys is almost self aware of the fact he's starring in a terrible horror film.Some of the shots are appetizing but as for everything else it is just a horrible mess of boobs and incoherent plot.

This is dreadful. A 'skin-flick' laced with sardonic dialogue and crazy, horny teens for whom taking selfies is a way of life and every line is a sexual innuendo. Classy it isn't, but even as a soft-core film, it lacks the courage to provide anything in the way of titillation that isn't 'cleverly' masked by shadows, shower curtains or foliage. Here is a world where everyone aspires to look and act in exactly the same way and casually roll off identical low-brow dialogue.Perhaps it is novel for a film featuring such cutesy smart-arses to begin when the youngsters have already suffered some unspeakable horror and are searching through the night for sanctuary, because that is how this kicks off. We don't know why the scantily-clad youngsters are in the middle of a woodland (even though it transpires they are actually seconds away from suburbia) or what manner of jeopardy they have suffered. Who cares? Not the people behind this bore-fest. After finding an empty house in which to shower and continue to drink (clearly these are priorities), the second male of their number (I'm not sure they even have names, although I heard one called Billy at some point) heads to a bar five minutes away to call for help, but gets side-tracked by yet more rampant girl teens.A joke is attempted. When one teen says to another he's 'At Wes Craven (the name of the bar, I think)', his friend says, 'Wes Craven? Used to be cool but now … eeeeeeewww.' Apparently this is a spoof of 1980's horror 'flicks'. But it really isn't. There's nothing remotely funny here, there's no concept of story, no reasoning for anything, no pretence at the first level of making the viewer want to continue watching beyond the repeated lame nudity teases. It's the worst film I've seen for a very long while and just exists to fill the running time with no discernible lack of talent on display (and yet it appears to be adequately budgeted and directed.Couldn't the money have been spent on something else?) Even the special effects, never called on to do much, fail to convince, with only gurgling sound effects laid over the soundtrack to let us know that a gore scene is being attempted. More fulfilling to simply watch some straightforward pornography and miss out on the stilted, unfunny drivel in between repeated cleavage shots. Awful.

MUCK is an appropriate title indeed for this cheap, mucky, no-budget horror wannabe. The film starts off as if it's halfway through the plot of a different film, with a group of survivors escaping through the swamps and being pursued by some nameless evil. What follows on is more of the same: characters bickering, exchanging insults and profanities, and being killed one by one by some weirdo types.Oh, and I forgot to mention the nudity. With at least a couple of Playboy Playmates in the cast, this is a film all about the nudity. Random characters parade in front of mirrors and strip out of their bras at regular intervals. The sheer scuzziness of it has to be seen to be believed. It gives the film a really sleazy feel which is about the only thing it does have going for it.Elsewhere, it's a poorly-edited and misconceived monstrosity, wasting the talents of an effective-looking Kane Hodder playing one of the villains. Hodder enlivened the likes of the HATCHET trilogy but is sorely wasted here, although he's the only actor I liked in the whole thing. Cheap gore effects and incessant action only serve to induce a headache in the viewer.

My quick rating - 2,0/10. Simple, 2 points for 2 boobs. The director is obviously obsessed with them and unless you have no idea where to find pictures or videos of boobs, then this movie is worthless for you. The plot is non-existent, literally. Every possible stupid thing to do or can happen, does i this movie. The acting is some of the worst, each scene is just another attempt to show off chicks in bra and panties or topless all together. Not sure why they were being killed. Killers were boring, kills themselves were youtube quality effects and the editing and camera-work LOOKS like this movie had a budget. Avoid at all costs, seriously unless you really don't know where to find softcore porn. This could possibly be one of the worst horror movies I have scene in many years.