So... "Asterix Conquers America"? Yeah right, I'm not sure that playing the Disney card will help Asterix to conquer America. Way to go, dear writers, if that's the first Asterix movie an American watches, be sure it'll be the last, too.Indeed, you'll have more fun in any five minutes you take from "Asterix and Cleopatra" or "The Twelve Tasks" than one hour of this film. And lacking fun, or wit, is the one weakness an Asterix film can't afford. The most blatant case was the first "Asterix the Gaul" that took itself a bit seriously at the beginning, but give it a break, it was the first. This one had six movies to take inspiration from, four decades of existence, characters rooted in French Pop-Culture and more than anything, 25 albums, from which to copy paste any script.And they still screwed it up, by adapting a book, but what a loose adaptation. The film is based on an adventure written by René Goscinny where our two heroes accidentally land in America after a misleading fishing trip (when you tell Obelix to throw the net, be sure you asked him to attach it first). The discovery of a new territory, weird but edible gobble-gobble creatures and then the first interactions (or attempts to) with the Natives was a source of countless gags and subtle anachronisms, culminating (that's the word) with a wonderful visual reference to the Statue of Liberty. And it even had a great third act in Viking territory. Some Asterix films borrowed plots from many books, but there was enough potential in "The Great Crossing".But somewhere the writers only took America as a setting, a plot parenthesis in a rather dull and empty plot. Was it just because they really meant to conquer the American market? Or they knew Disney's "Pocahontas" will create a new interest toward Native-related films and bring some extra viewers? There's nothing substantial in the way the Natives participate to the story, which isn't saying much since the story, itself, is rather weak. Basically, the Romans kidnap the Druid Getafix because he's the one who makes the magic potion. If you pay attention, this is exactly the same set-up than the last Asterix "The Big Fight", the film even recycles the same characters and a few images, but that's not an issue, the problem is with the set-up.The film starts in the most incongruous way, with a view on space and a progressive close-up on Earth, shown as flat as a pizza, to illustrate how the Ancients conceived the form of our planet. It's integral to the plot since, instead of putting the Druid in jail, they want to throw him at the end of the Earth. Why not? But as much as the pizza joke was funny, the film insisted so much on the Italian stereotypes that it proves one thing: either the writers never read an Asterix story or the film was mostly targeted for a German audience. After six films, never had a centurion spoke like Tony from "Lady and the Tramp" or punctuated his sentences with 'bella' and 'al dente'. That was annoying but the worst was still the big-lipped villain. Did they try to make a new Stromboli? He looked nothing like a character Uderzo (of Italian background) would draw. I don't know if I'm the only one, but the sight of that guy really turned me off.To the story now, we have the obligatory fish-fight scene to introduce the Gallic village, fish isn't fresh but Getafix needs some for the magic potion. He sends Asterix and Obelix, gets kidnapped, but don't worry, less than ten minutes after, they'll all find themselves together in the fishing boat, landing in future America. What follows is a series of cute moments, so dry in gags, that you really don't know where this is going. The film turns into Disney-like stuff, Gauls meet Natives, even love, discover customs and sing together (and what songs!). Since the film had to fill the second act, they needed a secondary villain, the Chief sorcerer filled the box, he poisons Obelix who turns crazy (and we've got to wait for him to be cured) then kidnaps the druid and asks him to make the magic potion. The next scene is revealing of the writers' amateurship.Getafix gives the sorcerer the recipe, naturally, he fooled him, the sorcerer hits a rock and hurts his hand. So, no growing barber or crazy effects, he didn't even think of making him sleep, he just made him angry, so angry he pulls a knife, then Getafix cries for help, well shouldn't have he anticipated that before? Basically, he did something unfunny that didn't even make sense. And this is symptomatic of the movie, you shouldn't try to focus on the plot very much, just follow the story and enjoy perhaps its one redeeming quality. Thankfully, the drawers gratified our eyes with the sexiest animated Native girl, the only superlative the film deserves. Seriously, she looks like Naomi Campbell and makes Pocahontas looks like her raccoon.This girl was like the only significant Native of female persuasion, and no one would complain, with her vertiginous cleavage and a body honored by a few subliminal shots. Speaking of my experience, I was in my teen years when I first saw the film and I never expected a character from an Asterix film to turn me on, well, I guess that compensated for the big-lipped fatso. The Native girl, finally cures Obelix from his brief amnesia and says our friends goodbye, during a farewell song that tries too much again, what did they expect? An Oscar nomination? Anyway, our heroes come back to Gaul, and basically, the third act is just the climactic sequence of "The Big Fight"… a big fight. Great. If that adventure proved them the Earth wasn't flat, this is sure how the film fell.

Somehow it just has never quiet worked out to translate the "Asterix"-comics to the big screen. For one, the graphic novels always had an appeal for both young and old. More than being your average, "funny comic-book adventures", "Asterix" contained insight and informative, valuable facts on cultural references, language and history. Not all of those would reveal themselves to the adolescent reader, but appealed to the older crowd (generally the parents). Indeed, I dare say that the Latin which most of kids from my times learned came straight out of "Asterix".The cartoons on the other hand, perhaps with exception of the first two films, "Asterix the Gaul" and "Asterix and Cleopatra" (that caught the essence of the first album) and the psychedelic "Twelve Tasks of Asterix", clearly catered to an adolescent audience. Combining various story lines from the comics, the wit and cultural and political references were mostly been replaced with juvenile jokes and slapstick.Generally most of the Asterix-films are an amalgamation of various comics. In the case of "Asterix conquers America" the story sticks pretty close to "Asterix and the Big Crossing" (but excluding the meetings between the two Gauls with the "actual" discoverers of America, namely a bunch of Danish Vikings). The visuals are okay if you prefer computer-animations over hand-drawings (which I don't), but lack the richness in details that was typical in the graphic novels. However, the gags and jokes are so infantile and predicable, that I doubt it will raise many laughs even during a screening of some children's channel. If you never liked the cartoons, give it a miss and stick to the comics. If you enjoyed the early cartoons, it still is one of the weakest of the whole series.To those who criticize that there are some genitalia visible in the film, I'll let you in on a secret: We all have them, we've all seen them and very little ill has come from this fact. Only dirty minds think dirty things.3 from 10 points

I remember watching this flick as a kid, so last night I took a trip down memory lane by watching it on Youtube.The first two acts were great, but the third one sucks. The finale was rushed. Normally the climax of a film is meant to action packed and entertaining. Here, it just flies by and you don't care. I didn't buy the relationship between Obelix and the Indian girl. The scene where they say goodbye is meant to be sad, but we feel nothing because we only had one scene of them together. Maybe if they had more scenes, that goodbye scene would work properly.Craig Charles is miscast as Asterix. When you see Asterix, do you think to yourself "Dave Lister should play him"?The guy playing Obelix works though. But the star of the movie is Christopher Biggins' villain. He's such a kiss ass, yet his plan works. And Chris had fun camping it up.I liked the Oxford/Camberidge joke and the Romans forming into a pie and slicing a piece. That joke was well done.The CGI sucks and it's not a film that'll grab you. It doesn't leave you with the urge to watch it again. Worth watching if you like Asterix, but its not as good as The Twelve Tasks Of Asterix which is my fave Asterix movie.

Although I had never heard of the character "Asterix", I decided to chance the classic cartoon. Upon watching, and reading the synopsis of the film, I clearly understood the "effect" it reasonably portrayed. However, I also realized that within this film, there is clearly a nude scene of male genitalia! (The man had his pants down. *Also noted in a recent post in the message board.*) I myself was just as surprised. As an adult, I laugh at "hidden jokes" a lot of cartoons insinuate and even word around what should be "adult humor". However, this is flat out unrighteous! They may have gotten away with that in the 70s, but "new age" cartoons can only give fart jokes and bare-bum shots! (Including their resort to subliminal messages for the older generations watching along.) Rated 2/5 due to the distasteful display of a crotch-shot, but short framed enough that most (luckily) don't catch-- sorry kids.