Assault of the Sasquatch (2009) * 1/2 (out of 4) Extremely low-budget horror movie about a poacher who is captured by police so they take him and his truck back to the station. The police think there's a bear in the truck but it turns out to be Bigfoot who escapes and begins killing people across town. Soon the police and other characters are trapped inside the station and must fight off the legendary creature. ASSAULT OF THE SASQUATCH is not a good movie by any stretch of the imagination but at the same time I couldn't help but respect what it was going for. Considering the low-budget you can't help but think, for the most part, the film was technically done well and I'm going to guess that it could have been done even better had there been more money available. The problem with the film is the screenplay, which really doesn't know if it wants to be a straight horror film or if it was to be a self-parading spoof as there's quite a bit of comic relief and none of it is very funny. The majority of the comic relief comes from an overweight guy and another dork who are running around with a camera as they're members of The Sasquatch Society. I don't care what club they belong to but their antics seem like outtakes from ERNEST SCARED STUPID. It goes without saying but this is basically a remake of John Carpenter's ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13 but with Bigfoot attacking instead of gangs. I thought this idea was actually a pretty good one as it was a nice touch having the people trapped inside a building with the creature on the outside killing as many people as it can. The film certainly earns its R-rating as we get a little bit of female nudity and there are all sorts of gory killings including various body parts being ripped open. The performances are pretty much what you'd expect from a flick like this but the majority of them get the job done. Again, this isn't a good movie and there's no question it runs out of gas around the hour mark but considering how many "B" horror movies I watched I'd say this here is certainly better made than most. The Bigfoot costume isn't the greatest but then again countless monster films from the 50s, 60s and 70s featured poor outfits.

Poachers in a bear preserve capture Bigfoot, who ends up being transported to an almost- abandoned police station, where he wreaks havoc.On the "good" side, Cristina Santiago is smoking hot, there's some brief nudity from another actress, and some of the gore is decent and at times funny, as with the impalement by "Dead End" sign.On the bad side, the video is of a poor quality which doesn't work well in low-light conditions resulting in a hazy look, and most of the movie is set outdoors at night or in dim interiors. Additionally, the comic relief of Don and Murph is extremely bad. They're very annoying characters, particularly Don who is a grossly overweight man-child who breathlessly shrieks and yells constantly. It's an unfunny shtick he's been doing on YouTube for years, and it's no funnier here than there. Padding out the running time, there are some scenes where the two go around asking people if they're seen the sasquatch, which they have not.The sasquatch has quite a bad costume, and his behavior is hard to figure. Sometimes he attacks while unprovoked, sometimes he wants to peep on or kidnap young women, at other times rescue them, at other times fight them. Sometimes he'll kill, while at other times he'll just knock somebody out or ignore them.I guess on the whole the movie is fairly amusing, but it isn't very funny and it certainly isn't good.

Three hunters are out poaching for bear when they fortuitously trap a sasquatch. Terry Drake (Kevin Shea) seeing his monetary ship come in phones a mysterious collector to tell him he's finally tracked down what the collector is looking for. Though the sasquatch kills his companions, Drake manages to corral it into a truck.Meanwhile, two game wardens (Greg Nutcher and Cristina Santiago) hear the goings-on and investigate, arresting Drake and driving the truck into the middle of downtown. Naturally the sasquatch escapes and does his sasquatch thing.Hoo-boy. I can't decide which is worse, the acting or the writing or the "special effects." The two leads are actually okay and might have even been acceptable, if they'd had coherent writing to work with. Nutcher is decent and Santiago palatable. There is even hope for Sarah Ahearn who plays Nutcher's daughter Jessica. Shea, however, chews scenery as if it was beef jerky.The storyline makes little sense ... if I am generously assuming there is a plot and seems to involve some flashbacks with little context and little integration to the rest of the plot. I understand the writer might have been attempting a horror-comedy. Well he failed.Don't even get me started on the special effects. The sasquatch is clearly a man in a modified gorilla suit and there wasn't even much modification as other reviewers have mentioned.The only reason it didn't get one star from me is that some of the actors were clearly doing their best with the material and direction they were given.Even if you love really bad movies as much as I do, skip this one.

Ah VOD, givin' us previews for movies we might not even turn over at the video store (or, as I call it, Blockbuster). Assault of the Sasquatch is the story of a displaced Sasquatch on the rampage. As far as Sasquatch movies go, it's in my top twenty. A lot of the plot seems sorta lifted from John Carpenter's seminal Assault on Precinct 13, just instead of assorted cops and crooks holding off a siege of faceless extras in an decommissioned police station, we've got assorted cops and crooks holding off a siege of a guy in a gorilla suit at a decommissioned police station. BUT THAT's OK. The story isn't all that bad, it moves at a fairly brisk clip, and it was on demand, so I didn't have to get up from my couch to get it. Good to watch alone or with friends, a sasquatch fan shouldn't miss.