Charles Napier plays Robert Zorkin, a man who travels to Russia with his wife Susan (Kates), supposedly for a vacation. But it turns out he has a VHS tape that shows the Russians dealing in nuclear warheads with the mob. It seems Zorkin was the mentor to one "Rod Armstrong" (Zagarino). Armstrong is an ex-Navy SEAL who now trains people in Russia and is "very expensive". Joe Lara, appropriately enough, plays "Ponytail", the head of the gangsters who is menacing everyone in sight, not the least of which is Susan, who he chases all over Russia. Richard Lynch is the Russian General Zukov, who is a major part of the insanity. Will Rod Armstrong be able to stop the gangsters and evil Russians from stealing the nukes and perhaps launching them, and save the kidnapped Susan in the process? I know action movies don't have to be intelligent, but Armstrong is just so dumb it's really unbelievable. Zagarino usually brings the dumb, and here is no exception. In fact, if anything, he's outdone himself in the dumb department. He's beyond wooden. Rod Armstrong is stupid, unlikable, arrogant and annoying, and he usually has some sort of "shirt problem". Either his shirt is ripped, comes off, becomes unbuttoned, or he just plain forgets to wear one. It seems the filmmakers wanted very badly for him to be Dolph Lundgren, as his hair, makeup, and what's left of his outfits strongly recall Dolph. But Zagarino is not Dolph. Not by a long shot. Also he has numerous pictures of himself on his wall. Armstrong makes Project: Shadowchaser (1992) look like a masterpiece.One of the better things about Armstrong is its cast of familiar faces. Joe Lara goes over the top as Ponytail, but his unfinished beard really left a sense of incompleteness in the viewer's hearts. He resembles a mid-90's Dennis Miller. We liked him better as the good guy in such films as American Cyborg: Steel Warrior (1993) and Hologram Man (1995). Napier gets slightly more screen time here than in Center of the Web (1992), and he even gets to do some "Napier-Fu", but the extreme sweatiness is unpleasant. Kimberley Kates was a great choice for the eye candy, and Richard Lynch proves he's the most versatile guy in DTV cinema, here living it up as a drunken, carousing Russian military general, the next day playing an Italian gangster with aplomb.But sadly, try as they might, even the mightiest DTV cast cannot overcome the inanity of Armstrong. Whoever wrote the dialogue, you'd think they would be satisfied by the fact that is completely mind-numbing, but no, it's incredibly repetitive too! Many things are said more than once. I don't know which is worse, if it was unintentional, or if they were so proud of their great writing, the writer thought we should hear it multiple times. Or they could have assumed their audience is just stupid. Big mistake. The dialogue alone detracts major points from Armstrong.Because of the dialogue and dumbness, not to mention how irritating Rod Armstrong is, almost in a Sloane (1984) sort of way, you really don't care about the characters and situations. Add to that a jumbled and unclear plot and you have a serious mess on your hands. Perhaps the ultimate "turn off your brain" movie, unless you are a die hard fan of any of the actors here or DTV movies themselves, it might be wise to steer clear of Armstrong.For more insanity, please visit: comeuppancereviews.com

American soldiers Frank Zagarino and Charles Napier plan to thwart the mission of corrupt Russian Colonel and devious American Mafia leader to sell missiles to countries in demand, including a plot to bomb the Kremlin. Joe Lara is the sadistic Mafia thug who needs Napier's wife, Kimberley Kates, in order to find out what he was in Moscow for(..Napier is killed during a shootout as he and Zagarino find themselves in a battle with Lara and his men). Richard Lynch is the Russian Colonel who Zagarino was employed under before Napier gave him the goods on his involvement with the American Mafia, and the secret plans regarding the missiles.I must say that despite everything going against it(..the rather uninspired acting from a cast who seem to be going through the motions, the rather garbage plot, cheap sets(particularly Camp 14 where the crooked operations regarding the missiles take place), and rather sappy dialogue)that I found the action sequences rather thrilling. There's a really nifty chase where Lara and his goons pursue Kates(..who is wearing no bra or panties due to being interrupted by the Mafia shortly after a shower in her motel room)throughout the city of Bulgaria(..substituting Moscow)where she constantly eludes them, allowed to remain alive when often cornered due to the information that might benefit them regarding what she knows about her husband's business in Moscow. You can actually see how exhausted Kates is as she dodges gun fire, cars, and people while attempting to find some sort of escape route or hiding place. Lynch isn't menacing as much as he's nervous, bafoonish, sweaty, and drunk, while Lara goes so over-the-top in his portrayal as the Mafia scumbag that he's unintentionally hilarious. It seems Lara, however, revels in this role because of how despicable his character is..the idea that he is not only threatening the national security of his own country(..because frankly he could care less)but more than willing to watch innocent people perish all over the world due to terrorism from missiles he plans to sell. Napier again stars in a role that lasts only a short bit of screen time before he's off to collect a check. Kates is particularly yummy, in not a very noteworthy performance(..her physical work during the lengthly chase is to commended, though), and she has a full frontal nude scene that remains perhaps the film's most memorable highlight. Zagarino(..of the Project Shadowchaser films)is a low-rent, grade-Z, charisma-less hero phoning it in big time. Justin Carroll is Zagarino's Russian ally, the two joining forces to stop Lynch and Lara's scheming. Kates is often getting smacked around by Lara who needs information and doesn't appreciate it when she's not cooperative. I think director Menahem Golan effectively keeps the pace lively and stages some enthusiastic action sequences, but the plot, characters, and performances are lacking in quality.

This film is a simple little B type action flick that moves quickly and contains a lot of action. The plot has been done many times before and the characterizations are sort of cliches.Having said all that, I found Armstrong to be a pleasant way to spend a couple of hours at home on a Saturday evening, courtesy of my TIVO unit. I wasn't expecting any complicated, clever plot development nor did I expect any award winning performances. Frankly, I didn't want either to happen. My wife and I liked the fact that the film moves at a very brisk pace with no long, boring, character development scenes.If you consider yourself to be somewhat "above" watching this type of film, do yourself a favor and stay away. The rest of us simple minded folk will continue to enjoy this type of movie and not take the film, or ourselves, too seriously.

This movie is hilarious. The plot is laughable, and the seriousness that the characters can maintain is incredible! This movie was honestly one of the worst movies i have ever seen, if just because of how serious it tries to be. I'd like to say there is a strong point in this movie... maybe its the comedyNot recommended unless you are verrrry easily amused.