Every movie is someone's favorite movie. That's why I don't call these reviews. They're me exploring films, trying to figure out how they happened and what they are about. How do I do that about this film without feeling like I'm kicking a limbless child?Edward Carnby (Christian Slater, Heathers) is an occult detective and the star of the video games that you may or may not have played. As a child, he was subject to some intense experiments as he grew up in an orphanage where Sister Clara raised him. As a result, he has a sixth sense and has increased strength and agility. He also used to work for Bureau 713, which protects the world from the paranormal.We learn about Bureau 713 from a long scroll in the beginning that is also read to us. It goes on way longer than it needs to. And then it goes on some more. It may still be running as you read this.He's also investigating the disappearance of the Abkani, who worshipped demons from another dimension, demons who are coming back to ours. His girlfriend Aline (Tara Reid, American Pie) is the curator of a museum which happens to have artifacts from the Abkani. There are also some paramilitary guys who are legitimately wearing paintball armor led by Commander Burke (Stephen Dorff, Blade).The writer of the film, Blair Erickson, summed up the changes Uwe Boll made to the script: "Thankfully Dr. Boll was able to hire his loyal team of hacks to crank out something much better than our crappy story and add in all sorts of terrifying horror movie essentials like opening gateways to alternate dimensions, bimbo blonde archaeologists, sex scenes, mad scientists, slimy dog monsters, special army forces designed to battle slimy CG dog monsters, Tara Reid, Matrix slow-motion gun battles, and car chases. Oh yeah, and a ten-minute opening backstory scroll read aloud to the illiterate audience, the only people able to successfully miss all the negative reviews. I mean hell, Boll knows that's where the real scares lie." Yes, the bad guys look like aliens and basically tear everyone to pieces, other than Slater and Reid. That is -- if you get that far. This is a film packed with continuity gaffes, appearances by camera people and even Reid being unable to say the word Newfoundland. For a film set in California, Canadian signage appears throughout. When Agent Cheung's dead body is found, she visibly moves before the scene ends. And perhaps most amazingly, the creatures in the film? Their main weakness is light. Yet they show up in broad daylight to attack the two main characters at the end of the film.I know Uwe Boll likes to punch critics, but I can handle it. Seriously, if you love a video game, there's the worry that this man has made a movie of it. I'd do an entire week of his films on this site, but I don't even know if I have that kind of guts.

I guess I didn't hate this as much as "House Of The Dead". Then again, that might only be because I was a huge fan of the HOTD games and knew literally nothing about these games. So anyway, this movie features Xenomorphs attacking people. No, really. These things are literally called Xenos or Zenos or whatever, I don't care. The plot features these kids who had worms put in their bodies that would control their minds when they became adults. At least it isn't worse than it sounds. There's one scene where we see a guy having the worm put into his body. If you can do that, why even raise kids in an orphanage? The movie stars Christian Slater and one of the minor characters is played by Jesse Ventura. Figures he would fight someone named Christian. I guess worms controlling people's bodies is right up there with Ventura's conspiracy theories. Glad to see him die. There is a villain who injects himself with monster blood to keep him alive or something. He appears near the end and just dies. His character was completely pointless like pretty much everything else in this movie.There's even a scene where a woman dies and you can actually see her actress lift her head off the ground! I didn't even notice another scene where a woman dies and the shot fired didn't even touch her! It's pretty easy to assume that the CGI is horrible. That's too bad even for video games. We see more awful slow motion shots and bad angles which I got used to since "House Of The Dead". Of course Uwe Boll repeats the same stupid mistakes in his films. Why are there an endless number of awful video game movies? Pray for me, people. Pray for me. 1/2*

Following the discovery of ancient artifact, an investigator and a colleague learn that mystical beast has reappeared in the world and must find a way of stopping the creatures from entering the dimension.This one was quite an enjoyable and underrated effort. One of the better elements with this one is the absolutely frantic and frenetic Action Movie-like pace here which really goes a long way towards making this one so enjoyable. This starts off really nicely here as the start of this one coincides with the car chase through the streets and the resulting series of brawls through the shops along the way offers a truly fine opening, the museum shootout is a lot of fun with the creatures coming into play nicely stalking them in the darkness while it makes use of a not only the exhibits but also the different interconnecting hallways for some great chases throughout here as they try to get away before the utter fun of the firefight from the military team that arrives to take them out and the confrontation in the house is even better with the different tactics of avoiding the creature being quite fun while again offering a lot to like in the fine gunfire and shoot-outs use to take the creatures down. As well, there's the finale here where this one really has a lot to like in the main attack against the team set-up outside with all kinds of gun-play to utilize in the situation even though there's the high-powered weaponry on display the creatures still break-through and slaughter the team in graphic fashion providing this with a thrilling sequence along the way. It also finishes up the rather fine part here of the underground adventures down in the pit where they discover the control facility and finally get the big resolution in play to end this on a fine note. These make the film enjoyable enough here to hold this off against the few minor flaws here. The main issue with this one is the absolutely confusing storyline here that makes no sense whatsoever throughout here, from the reasoning of the security council to need the children for the original experiment, why he had escaped as long as he had despite everyone knowing of his involvement, the reasoning for the creatures' appearance and the connection to the Indian tribe being just some of the questions raised here, and some of these are ones that impact that film a lot. The only other flaw to this one is the fact that there's really badly-done CGI that really doesn't offer much appeal here in making the creatures imposing and fearful here with the way they're depicted. There's still enough positives to like here to hold this one up.Rated R: Graphic Violence, Graphic Language and a clothed sex scene.

Story: I am going to first look at this only as a story, no opinions on the CGI or casting choices. If you were to look at the story as a solo idea you get a solid action horror. Now I hear people going 'no its just crap' so let's look at the details. First off we have an idea of scientific experiment on children to create sleepers, but something goes wrong so we don't see why it happened until more discoveries in the future. Then we have a search for hidden treasures of a lost ancient people. Add in a paranormal investigator, a secret government paranormal investigating team and the search for a truth. Now looking at those factors we should have a good story not special but enjoyable. Now with terrible casting decisions, awful CGI and a script that could have been written but a child everything goes south fast. As an idea for a story this is good, but as an execution of a story it's bad. (5/10)Actor ReviewChristian Slater: Edward Carnby a paranormal investigator who has been trying to uncover the truth about his childhood, this puts him in danger as this time he has got closer than ever before. He must team up with his old organisation to final uncover the truth that has lost him the memories of his childhood. Slater strolls for this role without showing any of the skills that made him a star in the early 90s. (5/10)Tara Reid: Aline Cedrac assistant curator at the museum who also happens to be Edward's girlfriend, she gets caught up in the middle of the battle after she uncover the location of the door. Going to take a deep breath before going for this one, just no how did this happen? Try your luck in romantic comedies. (2/10)Stephen Dorff: Commander Burke leader of a military team trying to keep the monsters away from the public, old partner of Edward but after seeing the truth he teams up with them to uncover the truth. Stephen can act and has proved it many times, just need to give him something to work with. (4/10)Frank C Turner: Sam an old connection within the organisation that still communicates with Edward, he fills in the science gaps and you can guess what happens to him by the end. Basic supporting performance. (4/10)Matthew Walker: Professor Hudgens scientist trying to open the door to the truth about the ancient people, he will do anything to get his answers including sacrificing anybody who gets in his way. As villains go this is generic one that doesn't need too much to make them special. (4/10)Director Review: Uwe Boll – He not only managed to mess up a relatively easy story with awful CGI and lack of directing ideas. (2/10)Action: Plenty of guns being fired, not sure if they ever hit anything as everything is in the pitch black. (3/10)Horror: Doesn't give you any scares, frights, well made with the acting. (1/10)Settings: The settings used for the gun fights are used well, because they would make real settings for such a discover if someone wanted to keep it quiet. (6/10) Special Effects: Terrible special effects that I only saw one good one and that was a soldier's head split in two. (1/10)Suggestion: I think if you are bored one night and this is on it would be acceptable to watch it as it slips close to the line of so bad you have to see. (Late Night TV)Best Part: The ideaWorst Part: The CGI, Acting and Execution of the idea.Believability: No (0/10)Chances of Tears: No (0/10)Chances of Sequel: Actually has one sequelPost Credits Scene: NoOscar Chances: NoBox Office: $10 MillionBudget: $20 MillionRuntime: 1 Hour 39 MinutesTagline: Can mankind defeat the army of darkness unleashed by an ancient evil cult?Overall: Not only did this film destroy the source material, it ruined any chance the video game had of returning.Check out more reviews on http://moviesreview101.com/