Werewolves on Wheels is a wonderful title, conjuring up images of snarling wolf-men astride gleaming chopper bikes, the wind whipping through their hair as they ride through the night. Unfortunately, there's nothing remotely like that in this z-grade piece of drive-in crud that blends the popular 70s biker and Satanic horror genres to terrible effect.The film starts with biker gang the Devil's Advocates fighting with rednecks, drinking, smoking dope and generally having a wild time. After a while, they head out towards a strange looking church where they are confronted by monks, who give them bread and wine; when the bikers have finished eating and drinking, they all pass out and the monks conduct a Satanic ritual. One of the biker women gets up and joins in with the ceremony, stripping off and gyrating with a snake and a skull. Then the rest of the bikers wake up, have a scrap with the monks, grab the naked bird and leave.In the desert, the bikers continue with their debauched lifestyle (drinking, loving, repeatedly chanting 'Oobla doobla') until a couple of them turn up dead, seemingly attacked by wild animals. The rest of the film sees the gang building a few fires, drinking some more, arguing, fighting, sleeping, rolling down a sand dune in slow motion, searching for their friend Movie, and collecting wood (for another fire), before a couple of them are finally revealed to be a werewolves (and rather ropey looking ones at that). One of the werewolves does hop onto its bike to be chased by the bikers, but the whole scene is too dark to properly make out what is happening.The terrible ending makes very little sense. Everyone gets dirty faces (Hells Angels with Dirty Faces) and the monks show up for a little more occult nonsense. To be honest, I'd given up trying to follow what was happening long before.

This really could have been played out like a "From Dusk Till Dawn" movie. What we've got here is the long slow grind, a boring movie with little scenes, and literally a cast of unknowns. Though the darkness of it, is impressive, you would of expected tonnes of gore, but this has chosen to go the other way. Either that, or they were working with a short budget. In it's starting, again we see what happens, if you insult a gang of mean bikers, these ones, thankless pigs. One of them in one shot, looks like World's Safari's Alby Mangels. After giving these two guys a work over and chugging down some pitchers of beer, they come across this temple, where they chill out, stuffing themselves with cloud bread and wine, fruitfully provided by these hooded cult members, spouting out hymns, whatever you call it. This part of the movie is indeed, a little freaky as it is effective. One of the girls becomes a werewolf soon after as consequence of this feast, but also I guess, belittling this religious sect. We don't see much wolf action either, one problem the movie is shot in real darkness. Though, certainly a different idea to other bikie films made around this period, there's no doubt, it's individuality. As a bikie fan, you'll never very good patience with this one. It doesn't rush for anything. Alternatively you could find yourself ejecting this one, and replacing it with Easy Rider.

This film is about the 'Devil's Advocates', a 1970s biker gang that is evil. They are so evil that at some dopey satanic ritual, one of them gives their soul to Mr. Evil and as a consequence, she is turned into a werewolf!(???).I enjoy watching bad films. I am not talking about boring bad films, but ineptly made and laughably bad films. You know, like the films of Ed Wood, Al Adamson, Larry Buchanan and William Grefe (just to name a few). These films all have the common thread of being so cheaply made that they are good for a laugh--particularly if you watch them with friends. Because of this, I assumed that a cheap film called "Werewolves on Wheels" would be exactly the sort of biker film for me! However, it turned out to be simply bad--unwatchable and unbelievably dull. Aside from when a few nude scenes sprinkled here and there occurred, I had to struggle to stay awake seeing this turkey. In fact, it might just be the perfect cure for insomnia! The film's biggest problem is the pacing. All too often, the film just seems to go on and on and on--like the director had never heard of editing. Too often, the gang members just blathered and drank with no particularly goal in mind other than to just fill up the screen with SOMETHING. In fact, it appears that there really was no script or dialog written for much of the film--they just improvised and every improvisation apparently went into the movie. A great example is the beginning of the film where absolutely nothing of interest happened for the first 15-20 minutes!! There was a bit of gang violence, but it wasn't particularly violent. Much of this time the gang just laid around belching and laughing.The next big problem is I wanted to see lots of bikers with wolf-man makeup riding their choppers. Sadly, this isn't the case. You don't even get to see any werewolves until the end of the film. The only other attack before this is done in silhouette (cop-out) and there is no transformation scene at all--just two measly people wearing what appear to be werewolf masks bought from a local store---good ones, but still, just masks. Plus, to make matters worse, the werewolves are amazingly easy to kill--you just light them on fire and watch 'em burn!Overall, the movie is brain-numbingly dull throughout and even the werewolf scenes are dull--offering no respite for the audience. And, speaking of no respite, while the theme music initially seemed pretty cool, it was repeated so often that I was looking for some relief from this droning and annoying music! An awful and stupid film.If you want to see a bad but fun biker film, I suggest you try "Born Losers", "Satan's Sadists" or "She-Devils on Wheels". All these films are silly but lovable bad films---whereas "Werewolves on Wheels" simply sucks.

***MAJOR SPOILER ALERT WE REVEAL EVERYTHING(but it's not much)***Instead of watching this film, our time could have been better spent consuming rusty nails/tacks/other sharp objects. Note that we called this a film, not a movie. We refuse to dub a film such as this a 'movie' as it hardly achieves mediocrity. Furthermore, it seldom goes beyond being a documentary of ne'er do wells who drive often on straight desert highways.Let's take a rundown of the title, shall we? Now, from the title alone, you would expect this movie to contain at least three things:1) Werewolves 2) Wheels of some nature 3) Werewolves atop said wheels (emphasis on plurality)Before we start, let us remind you that this film is only 79 minutes long. To be fair, that's not much time to work with. However, we assumed the creators of this film would deliver the contents of the title in the time given. Like a child living below the poverty line on Christmas morning we were to have our hopes dashed upon the cruel, unforgiving rocks of reality.Until the last four and a half minutes of this film the only item presented from the three listed above was #2 (wheels). Prepare yourself to witness a great deal of #2 in this film. During the final scene of this exercise in visual vomit a single werewolf was portrayed atop said wheels, though only for a minute and a half at best. This was hardly enough lycan-on-motorbike action to justify the title of the film. Whether through editing mishap or fateful miscount on the part of the director, we came to realize that what we thought had been prophecy fulfilled was actually hoax, as this was the ONLY werewolf on wheels throughout the entire endeavor. In light of this discovery, the film should be aptly titled: "Ugly Drunk People Who Seldom Bathe Riding Motorcycles Indefinitely...With a 10% Chance of Late Afternoon Werewolf." Calling this film 'Werewolves on Wheels' we be akin to titling Star Wars Episode IV, "Boys Moisture Farming."To be fair we purchased this DVD expecting a bad film. It was our hope to give an obviously little-known film the light of day, and at the same time, fulfill our inner need for comedy at others' creations. We say all this not due to some vendetta against this films creators or participants, but rather as harsh warning to others. DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES ATTEMPT TO VIEW THIS FILM! It should be noted that having only bought the DVD the day before from a retail discount section we discarded the DVD into the nearest waste receptacle we could find.Good night and good luck.This scathing review brought to you by CTSAMW and Co.