Another mindless trash-fest from the notorious director Andy Milligan, TORTURE DUNGEON really pushes the boundaries of cinematic badness. It's once again a cheap independent feature shot in New York, with a poorly-realised and quite laughable depiction of medieval England. The main character is a psychotic duke who spends his time bumping off his rivals in a bid to win power for himself. Way too much screen time is given over to an idiot character who laughs and gurns his way through his screen appearances, but Milligan's focus is very much on bare flesh which makes this feel like you're watching a skin flick at times. Saying that, it's a very tame and tawdry affair and there's barely any of the bloodshed suggested by the title.

Power hungry sexual deviant Norman, Duke of Norwich (Gerald Jacuzzo), plots to become king of England by killing those ahead of him in line for the throne.In my experience, Andy Milligan's movies are, without exception, virtually unwatchable z-grade garbage, but I can't help but feel a little admiration for the director, who soldiered on despite the fact that his ambition clearly exceeded his talent and budget. Take Torture Dungeon for example, a period piece set in medieval England, when knights were bold and maidens fair, and no-one with a moustache could be trusted: that's not an easy undertaking for an amateur Staten Island-based film-maker with minimal resources.Rather unsurprisingly, Milligan fails spectacularly on almost every level. The costumes are cheap, the location work is terrible (in one scene set on a beach we can see a power boat on the water and a woman holding a handbag wanders into view, while another scene takes place in a greenhouse), the gore effects are risible, the dialogue is stilted, and the cast cannot disguise their Noo Yoik roots (Norwich is pronounced Nor-witch). Unfortunately, as is often the case with Milligan's work, the result isn't a hugely entertaining crapfest, but rather a crushing monotonous bore, the wooden performances and dreadful pace resulting in extreme tedium.2/10 for the frequent nudity (mostly from Susan Cassidy in an ill-fitting red dress) and the laughable attempts at splatter (a really crap beheading, some deaths by pitchfork, and assorted stabbings).

It almost seems inconceivable in this day and age that someone would attempt the pomp and pageantry of a ye Olde England costume gore epic on a budget LESS than a cross-town ferry ride. And yet Torture Dungeon, the first film for producer William Mishkin's newly crowned Constitution Films, is filmic proof that Andy Milligan's audacity knew no bounds. Cue credits, the music - straight from a 40s Gary Cooper western - swells, and a procession of medieval misfits make their way down a deserted Staten Island beach, looking for all the world like a lost borstal passion play, carrying the coffin of the newly-dead king, beheaded in the film's opening by the prissy yet evil Duke of Norwich (`Jerremy Brooks'/Gerry Jacuzzo). The Duke, last in line to the throne and sterile to boot, hatches a plan to marry off the new king, who would plant the royal seed in the Queen's fertile soil. Once plowed, the Queen becomes the unwilling property of the Duke, and the remaining heirs are dispatched to their untimely deaths.Hal Borske plays the new king strictly for cheap laughs: he's a bumbling half-wit in a blonde pageboy frightwig who eats bugs on all fours and shows more interest in nailing his plate of chicken than his new queen. His on-screen presence is cut short soon after the `conception' scene, and he gets the obligatory stake to the heart. Blood erupts like tomato soup, exit Hal. And in every one of the death scenes from Torture Dungeon, Andy's camera careers around and plummets to the ground as if it was dropped from a Staten Island ferris wheel. There's even a script direction for this: `Swirl Camera'. Now stick that one in the text books.Unlike The Ghastly Ones, where the gore comes thick and fast, Torture Dungeon spaces its bloodshed, which leaves wide open spaces in the script for Andy's manic exposition. One scene plays like a psychedelic sex hygiene film of the 50s and features a crazed old harridan (a member of Andy's theatrical troupe?) preparing the new queen for her wifely duties while floating around the room on PCP. The Sadean Duke endlessly waxes lyrical about his personal philosophy, declaring himself `not a heterosexual, not homosexual, not asexual - I'm trisexual. I'll TRY anything.' An old chestnut, I know, but from the mouths of Milligan's characters it takes on a new sinister tone. In another memorable scene the depraved duke is caught in bed with a hunchback, unloved and beaten as a child and corrupted by the uncaring world and now the Duke's assassin and willing love slave. So, he says to his wife with a perverse sneer - ever heard of a menage a trois? With the exception of the garish costumes (an area Andy always excelled at), the production is threadbare at every turn. The torture chamber itself looks like my Brisbane city basement, for chrissakes, and the effect of the evil Duke swinging a chain sounds suspiciously like Andy on a microphone going `Whoosh! Whoosh!' Voices veer wildly from the fruity and over-theatrical Jacuzzo to the flat Noo York drawl from the mouths of some suitably plague-scarred bookies and old Mafia types in Beatles wigs, uttering lines like `the dook of Nor-witch' with deadpan conviction. Local color, but wrong locality. And I think I spotted a Ramone or two in the funeral procession.

yes! ugly. yes! hate filled. yes the greatest trash film-maker ever!!andy does shakespeare!!! and i love it!!!!thank you jimmy mcdonough for legitimising the manic craft of andy milligan. playwright, fashion designer, film maker!!!way back when andy's films were just a naive trash-film fanatics ultimate wet-dream you were there, documenting, analysing and indeed living the insanity that was andy milligan.and there i was thinking that no-one could be as enraptured as i was by his sleazy yet wonderfully visionary films. silly me!!before i read your staggering biography, i had this bizarre notion that he was some kind of mild mannered homo wanna-be zero-budget auteur.but now that i have read your magnificent biography, i realise that andy milligan was much more complicated and dynamic than i could ever have imagined.i don't know whether to laugh or cry when i watch his films but i DO know that no other film-maker has ever affected me the way andy milligan has.andy milligan fans of the world unite!! you have nothing to lose but your chains. now is not the time to be modest, insist that your so-called friends and and loved-ones watch this film now!!!!and if they resist, nail them to a tree! (tee hee!!)