Little town full of little people...waking up to say...... Oh Lifetime...here we go. So small family moves to rural English countryside, even though we're supposed to think the family is American their accents occasionally slip through on certain vowels and consonants (Car-In, instead of Karen for example). The parents seem to do....something for a living...possibly science-y or educational it's a little unclear (but dad sure wants a blackboard, so he can do long equations and such). Of course the eldest daughter (being a teenager and all....oh those wacky moody teenagers...am I right?) is unhappy at....everything. They meat with a realtor to rent their summer home (I've never yet met anyone who doesn't want a year's lease signed) who seems a bit squirrelly with not wanting to volunteer certain information about THE HAUNTED HOUSE....next to THE HAUNTED WOODS!!! (Stop it, you're scaring me....Stop scaring your sister!). They go to the 700 year old house (that doesn't seem more than 100 tops...that's some good work it's had done). They meet the crazy cat lady from the Simpsons...wait it's just Angelica Houston...who tells them they aren't welcome, but the realtor tells her she has no choice.....um why is that again? Did she fall behind on her taxes? The younger sister takes a moment to....exist...really that's about all she does. (Stop it, you're scaring me). Mystery and "suspense" occur. Girl meets local town boy (good lordy he's built....jailbait jailbait!! Lol) who claims she is "unlike any other girl he's met"....well yeah, that's because she seems to be literally the only girl in town. They try to unravel the mystery of the house/crazy cat lady/woods/the black plague (stop it, you're scaring me) using ye old timey technology (green is not a good color to be reading text against, you're really gonna strain the hell out of your eyes like that). Some stuff happens at the house a mirror cracked "from side to side" (they were so tempted to quote Tennyson you could cut it with a knife) which the older gets blamed for (apparently she can destroy objects with her mind) and gets yelled at for scaring her sister (stop it, you're scaring me). The parents seem just about ready to blame every action of the universe on their daughter's willpower. The youngest one starts speaking in tongues (stop it, you're scaring me) well the oldest one must have caused it....so she can bend objects to her will, force people to speak in tongues (or backwards if you prefer), break your compact in your hand from across the room....and this is the person you decide to yell at.....better play nice she's about one step away from killing everyone at the prom! But the mystery abounds. Turns out years back there was a doctor, a plague, and a midget and they all walked into a bar.....sorry. The doctor was killed, and now his ghost haunts the woods, and apparently he made a tree eat a little girl because she was wearing his clothes and singing a nursery rhyme (good thing it wasn't Little Miss Muppet, he might of conjured up Shelob mother of all spiders) and I can't say it was all that smart to be putting on clothes that were worn by a man that had the plague (ick). Crazy cat lady tries to make a deal with the ghost to trade the younger sister for her long lost daughter...and immediately regrets it, so instead packs up her stuff and decides to move to an old folks home. But oldest girl has figured out a plan, re-enact the forest scene to make the ghost take her too. The tree eats her (her family conveniently miss this little demonstration of the supernatural) and finds the lost girl who hasn't aged a day (good luck catching up on 30 years of technology...then again your town hasn't managed that feat either apparently) she tries to save her but to no avail. Beefcake boyfriend figures out what the hell a "peeling" is and goes to ring the church bells at midnight (man that is some bright as hell midnight....I don't think midnight is that bright at the arctic circle...did the moon go supernova?! So once again the day is saved....thanks to...a thesaurus. They all walk away....problem solved.....except that mom sold all their stuff, and they have to rent their house out to strangers....and explaining to the local government why you daughter who should be somewhere in her 40's is still a teenager...and......screw it lol. All in all, a little sub-par as all things go. I didn't really care about any of the characters, the parents were vacuous (did he ever get his blackboard? The world will never know) the younger sister was...I'm fairly certain she was an escaped animatronics robot from Disney...she was there...that was about it. The beefcake boyfriend....eh, the actor seemed to try, just didn't have a lot to work with. The main antagonist....she just never sold anything to me, her emotions/reactions were all one dimensional cardboard. Angelica Houston was a delight...but that's a given. So it fits in so well with so many other Lifetime movies, not great.....not terrible...occasionally boring...but a passable way to vegetate in front of the tv screen.

"Watcher in the Woods" original 1980 film was spooky and dark. I've not seen it for a long time now, since I was a kid, but it made an impression on me. Now I had to see the 2017 remake of the classic paranormal film. The "Watcher in the Woods" 2017 remake was so different like chocolate and cheese. There was nothing spooky, or anything mysterious. The fact it was often set at night doesn't give it moodiness alone. There was that enormous tree with a secret door that opened like a big mouth. The film looked more like a cheap fantasy with the most wooden acting I've ever seen. There wasn't a Welsh accent anywhere despite it being set in Wales. The American family were quite dull and the teenage girl was pretty obnoxious at the beginning. The poor little sister having to wear the same tight plaits in her hair, all the time, and didn't take them out at night. She appeared unenthusiastic and bored, in comparison to the other little sister of the 1980 film. The most spookiest bit of the 2017 film was unintentional as Anjelica Huston was playing Morticia Addams here still and her daughter Karen looked a bit like Wednesday' s Christina Ricci. The overall film was so bland and really weak.

Its a bit of mystery, a bit of horror, and a bit of romance. its aimed for the youngsters, but the story, acting, and writing are top notch. Of course if you were hoping for actual horror, then move along. No body parts here. If you're looking for family fun, enjoy. One nice thing is that it really just entertains the kids, without piling on the political correctness, or some preachy message that ruins the fun. I recommend this. I will say again, viewers like Mr Ectoplasma who watch mostly only horro films, and like the trappings of horror will not be happy. This is an adventure story at heart, not a horror tale. In horror you feel the hoplesness as the hero/heroine is completely unable to do anything to save herself or others. This has a very different tone. Jan is smart, capable, and the scenery is there to show you the beauty of the English countryside, not to make you frightened or unsettled. Its only scary sometimes. I LIKED this approach and so will many others. But horror film lovers will be disappointed. One more time, I do NOT like horror. I have always found it kind of stupid. People who think like I do will enjoy this story. People who like by the book horror will NOT.

RELEASED TO TV IN 2017 and directed by Melissa Joan Hart (yes, Sabrina, the teenage witch), "The Watcher in the Woods" details events in Wales when a family from Cleveland, Ohio, move into a country manor for the summer while the mysterious owner, Mrs. Aylwood (Anjelica Huston), lives in the guest house. The teen daughter, Jan (Tallulah Evans), readily discerns something weird is going on, which is linked to Mrs. Aylwood's missing daughter, Karen (Rebecca Acock), from 36 years earlier. Jan investigates the mystery with the aid of a neighbor stud (Nicholas Galitzine) and her younger sister (Dixie Egerickx). I haven't read the book, but I have seen the troubled 1980/1981 Disney film (with three different endings). Unlike the Disney production, this is a TV movie and therefore lacks that one's blockbuster polish; it's also way more subdued. The question is, does it work on that level as a young adult mystery with low-key horror elements? It did for me, but then I can handle TV budget productions. If you remember the TV movies "Bay Coven" (1987) with Pamela Sue Martin or "Satan's School for Girls" (2000) with Shannen Doherty, this version of "The Watcher in the Woods" is along those lines in tone and production quality, although it's superior to the second one. Unlike the 1981 flick, which included a dilapidated chapel and an alien element (rolling my eyes), this rendition follows the book more closely.One of the best things about this version is Tallulah Evans as the fetching Nancy Drew-like protagonist; she looks like a young Amanda Bynes, but with a better figure, which the movie wisely accentuates (don't worry, no sleaze; this is a family-safe movie). The story contains quality human interest with Jan's relationship with the guy, her sister and, finally, Mrs. Aylwood. The unraveling of the mystery is interesting, particularly the link to the Black Death in Britain circa 1348 and the corresponding folksong "Ring around the Rosie." The explanation is more intelligible and interesting than the Disney film but, to be expected, not as entertaining (the extraterrestrial element). The authentic quaint British village locations are another plus, as is the balance between normal daylight sequences and haunting dusk/nighttime sequences. Another reviewer said there's no mood or mysterious ambiance. Hogwash. Unlike other haunting mystery flicks, this version of "The Watcher in the Woods" refuses to be one-note with its atmospherics. The haunting parts are augmented by a fitting piano-oriented score. As far as the final act goes, it's tough to pull off these kinds of supernatural sequences with a straight face. Filmmakers have to be careful with these types of scenes or they become more laughable than spooky. The ending of "Bay Coven," for instance, could go either way, depending on the person. For me, Melissa & crew pulled it off, which is different than saying the movie's flawless. It's not (for instance, the maw-of-the-tree effects are pretty lame), but it's a low-budget production made for Lifetime, after all, and you can nitpick any flick. THE FILM RUNS 87 minutes and was obviously shot in Britain, but I can't find info on the precise locations. WRITERS: Scott Abbott based on Florence Engel Randall's novel. GRADE: B/B- (6.5/10)