You can see the appeal when pitched - gangster and Hollywood star fight over beauty pageant favourite - but the execution from dialogue to staging is so horrible as to miss out on any possible positive result. The poor acting of the leads is only emphasised by assigning them long, rambling voiceovers in addition to dialogue, and the approach to the beauty pageant is incredibly 1970's and misogynistic, like a 12-year-old's staging of the whole idea.Hidden somewhere is a worthy plot about international exploitation - something like "Traffic" - but it's incredibly well concealed. Meanwhile everything looks exactly like the budget available - the beauty pageant is in a London theatre but a really small one, the gangster's supposedly plush house is errrrr... kinda OK but not really spectacular. The music is adequate but doesn't really sound like it was composed for this movie, which must be some kind of problem...It all feels bizarrely as if no-one involved with the entire process actually had English as their native language, which is ... really weird. The oddest thing is that it doesn't LOOK like one of those Z-list, shot on video, indie exploitation movies you find in Pound shops (though that's where I found it), it's just really, really badly done.

The one star was for Vinnie alone, nothing in this film was worth while. I stupidly bought it because Vinnie Jones is a cool actor, he was brilliant in Lock Stock and has that 'hard man' image down to a tee. I started watching with my mate and you notice the abysmal acting straight away, we thought it might get better but ended up fast forwarding a lot just to get to some action....which was awfully choreographed and poorly acted. Fight to the death!? It's an old cliché, but my grandma could have beaten up tony schiena's character. And what was all the slow-mo scenes about? At least I have a spare DVD case now and, who knows, if I run out of toilet paper I have a back up. If I were Vinnie I would be ashamed that I ever let tony Schiena beat him up...even if it was a movie. (I would have given this a minus number if I could....it's an hour or more of my life I will never get back!)

Of all the films we've ever watched this has to be the absolute worst! You wouldn't even wish your worst enemy to watch this! What has Vinnie Jones been done! Surely he can't recover from this pile of poop! Worth a watch just for the fact it's so bad it's hilarious.Don't even bother! It's worse than the cheesiest film you can ever imagine, times by ten, add a load of people who can't act and then sit on a chair full of razors!Did someone really pay to budget this film? If so you must be a mug mate!BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD!

The Number One Girl may be better titled as "The Worst Film Ever!" What we have here is an advert for DTV avoidance and a film that perhaps only serves to make Steven Seagal's movies look a hell of a lot better. This is nonsensical garbage of the highest order.The films plot is bizarre and perhaps the worst excuse for action I have ever heard. Action star Joey Scalloni (Tony Schiena) visits his old buddy Dragos (Vinnie Jones) in England. Dragos is a big time gangster who runs a brothel but also organises a world beauty pageant. Scalloni the big Hollywood star comes to England to judge the competition. The UK entrant is Tatayana, one of Vinnie Jones girls and favoured bits on the side and one of the first things Scalloni is told is not to think of trying it on with her. So for the first hour of this boring snoozes the film is essentially just Dragos and Scalloni hanging out like good old buddies whilst also watching over the pageant. Then during the swimwear judging competition, Scalloni is invited on stage to dance with the final ten participants, including Tatayana. This is by the way on live TV and with Dragos watching from the best seat in the house. Scalloni for little apparent reason decides to damn near have full sex with Tatayana on stage with millions watching. This leads to Dragos going nuts, and hijacking the building. He gives Scalloni an ultimatum: Fight his way through his goons and Dragos himself, or he and the girl die! It's as moronically simple as that! The last 20 minutes is purely Tony Schiena fighting numerous enemies, one at a time in the same place. It's all dully choreographed and poorly performed, looking more like practice, blocking tapes.So the plot is nonsense but does the cast pull this through? Nope, not at all. Schiena, who wasn't bad in Wake Of Death, is terrible given a lead role here. He's wooden, amateurish and really just plain old bad. Vinnie Jones is also terrible. Lisa McAllister stars as Tatayana, the number one girl, and although she's suitably gorgeous, she's a terrible actress too. In fact there are a host of terrible actors who seem as if they were hired off the street. It's home movie acting at its worst. That goes hand in hand with the mundane, home movie type cinematography and this film, reportedly shot for $5 million, is seemingly much, much less than that. Only a sadly frail looking Pat Morita, in one of his last roles, retains any pride here, and even he is shockingly below par. Director Luc Campeau is terrible and in his debut here, fails to create anything remotely interesting or exciting aside from the promising opening scene. Truth is from the opening I thought this film showed promise, with a nifty credits sequence combining with a glimpse of Scalloni shooting the final scene of his latest blockbuster. It's nicely edited and an interesting sequence which only makes the diabolically bad remainder of the film, all the more shocking. This is something to avoid at all costs and has no redeeming qualities. *