"The Boneyard" appears to be a guilty pleasure of many people around here, but I certainly can't write too many positive things about it. This is just another cheap B-movie put together by a guy who got himself noticed in the early 80's by providing the special effects for some decent films ("House", "Strange Invaders") and therefore assumed he'd be good in directing his very own movie as well. There's a fair amount of gruesome make-up effects to be found in this film, but there's no story and the comedy elements just downright suck. By now, I'm pretty sure you've already heard about the stupid poodle that transforms into a gigantic zombie-monster during the finale? Well, this particular gimmick is why so many horror freaks like the film. The oddly named Miss Poopinplatz (Phyllis Diller) and her dog are the nightly caretakers of a little town mortuary where the horribly decomposing bodies of three children are kept. Police detective Jersey Callum and spiritual medium Alley Cates investigating the case and they're in the mortuary when suddenly the dead youngster rise from the autopsy table and go on a rampage. The kids are creepy and good ol' Phyllis has some cool one-liners, but the majority of the film is lame and disappointing. The "zombies" (supposedly ancient Chinese monster-kids without background) never leave the basement of the mortuary and they don't even kill that many people! James Cummins' directing is uninspired and his script is even worse, as it doesn't have the least bit of continuity. Avoid, unless of course you fancy giant zombified poodles.

~Spoiler~ The Boneyard is one part good, one part very bad. Two cops solicit the help of a 300 pound psychic to help solve a case involving an Oriental mortician and his curse. That's the beginning of the plot. When our cast of characters enter the morgue (aka "the boneyard") the movie picks up. That's when flesh-eating kids come out of the woodwork and madcap mayhem ensues. I enjoyed it, but I wouldn't go all out and recommend it to anyone. There is one super-atmospheric shot in the hallway during the zombie children's first appearance that immediately sent a chill down my spine. While on the subject, the zombie kids are damn creepy and are sporting some great make-up. They're not your run of the mill walking dead. On the other hand, there are a lot of problems with the film too. Some parts are played too serious, while others are overly comedic and unrealistic. I do, however, love that giant poodle. That and the zombiefied Ms. Poopinplatz reminded me very much of Peter Jackson's Dead Alive. Overall, I'd call the flick a miss. It had potential but the acting is not good and the movie never finds an even tone. It doesn't know if it wants to be a fright-fest or a comedy. The Boneyard is worth a rent just to see the zombies and a wigless Phyllis Diller. Don't expect too much beyond that.

A very poor horror movie whose entire entertainment value lies in watching Phyllis Diller puke up green goo after being forced to eat zombie flesh. I happen to like this sort of thing, but a great film it does not make. Fell also briefly appears and is quickly dispatched (one must assume they only had each actor for a week or something). Poor music, poor direction, but a fast pace and exciting story make the time go by fast.

When I saw the first 40 or so minutes of the Boneyard, I was delighted, because it was very scary. The little-girl zombies were frightening, and it had a great Aliens 3-like atmosphere. Unfortunately, the film really goes downhill after the half-way point, with the huge mutant poodle being the worst of it.I'd recommend the first half for some really good scares and tension, but the second half really ruined it all for me.