TERROR IN BEVERLY HILLS is a Z-grade action flick from 1989 whose unbelievable storyline sees the president's daughter kidnapped by Arab terrorists and held hostage in Beverly Hills. Gruff-talking cop Cameron Mitchell isn't up to the task of rescuing her, so he calls in special forces man Frank Stallone to do the job. If you've ever wondered why Frank never had his brother Sly's success, you'll see that his wooden acting as evinced here was good enough reason. The quality of this movie is on the level of a typical independent flick, with poor-quality acting across the board and a generally sloppy feel. You'll be hard pressed to get any enjoyment from it at all, even if it does star cult favourite William Smith as the US president, of all people.

I might just have to opt for the latter. As we all know, there have been many terrible action movies over the years, but this one takes the awfulness to an extreme that I simply can't believe is unintentional. It's one of those flicks that would have been completely pointless for the cast of "Mystery Science Theatre 3000" to parody, because it parodies itself far more deliciously than they ever could.If I were to pinpoint the exact moment I realized this, it must have been when, after product-placing cans of Pepsi and Diet Pepsi in pretty much every shot where they would make any sense (and a few where they wouldn't), the director chose to begin a scene by literally panning out from the Pepsi can. In retrospect, it really shouldn't have taken me that long."Terror in Beverly Hills" is a revelation of glorious badness. At its best/worst, it's at least as funny as anything Zucker/Abrahams/Zucker have done except for "Airplane!" and "Top Secret," and I've got to hand it to Myhers for his resourcefulness: he took an, erm, modest budget and the full knowledge that some people might take this thing seriously and judge him harshly, and he said "okay, fine" and just went with it.At the same time, the initial kidnapping scene contains many dead bystanders, and the last half-hour rather abruptly jettisons the humor value in favor of the usual sexual violence against women and machine-gun violence against men. The early-nineties score, by turns "Beverly Hills Cop light" and apparently geared toward a genuine suggestion of menace, further complicates things.An enigma wrapped in a mystery? Nah, I'm almost certainly overthinking it. Maybe the jarring tone shifts are simply due to the fact that the guy knew he was making a bad movie and woke up every day with a different attitude toward that fact.

Every year, the Academy Awards manage to overlook a deserving thespian or too. The hardest working man in show business has never received the accolades he deserves. Of course, I am speaking of Frank Stallone. And not only is this movie his greatest achievement, it is the without a doubt the greatest film of all time. Frank Stallone takes the role of Hack Stone to new heights, displaying a range of emotions not seen until The Rock broke through the cinema wall.Mr Stallone plays a former Special Forces soldier trying to cope in a complex world not of his choosing. Through a series of catastrophes of world importance, he is thrust in the middle of a battle between good and evil. In order to leverage the release of Middle Eastern terrorists, a band of insurgents capture the President's daughter while shopping in Beverly Hills. Well, terror indeed raises it's ugly head, not only in Beverly Hills, but in a particular industrial park somewhere in the outskirts of LA.The President faces the largest crisis of his administration. Does he submit to the terrorists demands to release their comrades (being held by Isreal, not the US, but that isn't important right now)? Or does he stare down the terrorists by refusing to negotiate, thereby sacrificing his daughter? He goes with plan C, neither of the above. Plan C? Deploy Hack Stone to infiltrate the terrorists lair and rescue the Presidents daughter.Frank Stallone does not play the part, he is the part! I was totally convinced that he has had special forces training. You can tell by the fact that he only takes one magazine of ammunition with him, carries no protective armor, no communications gear, and has no coordination whatsoever with the law enforcement people outside, that this man has studied hostage situations. By landing his helicopter directly in front of the building of the terrorists, and not taking any cover or concealment, he manages to throw them off balance. Not only that, but by carrying length of blue rope for no particular reason, Hack manages to play head games with the bad guys. When they see that spool of blue rope, they are so intrigued, that can not logically process what to do. Will he tie us up with the rope? Will he swing down from the ceiling on the rope? Maybe he will lasso some stray cattle. By doing absolutely nothing with the rope, those rascally terrorists are terrified, waiting for the moment when the other shoe drops, and he unravels that rope. The anticipation of the rope is enough to keep anyone on pins and needles.The supporting cast also deserves some recognition, from police official (Capt. Stills) just days away from retiring, to news reporter with the nasal voice (Tony Motta). I only wish that Capt Stills would have taken the last few days off, because I believe that it is not fair for a man who has faithfully served the citizens of Beverly Hills to lose his pension because of what some terrorists have done. Maybe the Police Union could help him. I digress.And lets not forget those special effects. I was really convinced that they blew up that car as a diversion. And when those Secret Service agents were killed, let me tell you, I had nightmares for days because it was so realistic. George Lucas can learn a few things from these special effects guys. The chase scene rivaled anything from Bullit or French Connection. They way they kept driving around the same building, no wonder they were able to escape. Perhaps if the Beverly Hills Police Department was able to afford a car a little more reliable than an early 1970's Dodge, then they could have rescued the President's daughter. But then, we wouldn't have a movie then, would we? Overall, a great movie. A realistic plot, slam bang effects, and the greatest and most handsome man ever to grace the screen.

My hat goes off to John Myers, if I were wearing a hat. This movie manages to cram into about 90 minutes every cliché known to the action genre. Take a disillusioned serviceman who just wants to be left alone, a misunderstood Middle Eastern terrorist, and an unending supply of B-Grade actors, add in over $50 worth of special effects, and you have one hell of a movie. It can't get any better. When terrorists kidnap the president's daughter and kill her security detail of 3 Secret Service agents, naturally, only one man can save her. No need to call in the FBI Hostage Rescue Teams or military commandos, because one lone Special Forces soldier is called back on active duty by the Commandant Of The Marine Corps. (Why a Marine is giving orders to a separated Army member is never addressed.) With his trusty coil of blue rope and an M-16 with one magazine of bullets, Hack Stone (Frank Stallone) enters the terrorists lair of "the old bean factory". But the evil, Third World bad guys play dirty pool by kidnapping Hack's wife and son. Using stealth, ingenuity, and some form of martial arts no one has ever heard of, Hack sends the bad guys off to meet Allah, one by one. Will Hack, working alone in the bean factory save the presidents daughter? Will the Chief of Police, just days away from retirement, save Hack's family? And will the annoying newscaster who looks and sounds a hell of a lot like Jon Lovitz ever appear in another film? For the answers to these and other important questions, like what's with all the cans of Diet Pepsi, or when did the presidents daughter get a chance to change her underwear, you'll have to watch the film. Good luck finding it, I got my copy in a used video flea market for $5, and after 6 years of faithful service, it has spoken it's last cliché. It was produced by A.I.P.Home Video, which I believe does not have a web site (might be out of business). If you enjoy movies with minimal plot, zero originality, not very special effects,bad lighting and audio, and endless technical errors, this is your movie. This movie contains gratuitous female nudity, liberal use of the f*** word, and all around bad acting. Not recommended for children or people without felony convictions. I love this film! Mrs. Stallone must be proud. Two fine actors from one family. Watch out, Baldwin Brothers! UPDATE: AS of 2002 (or so) this "film" is now available on DVD. You can find it in the bargain bin of less reputable video stores, or get it on ebay (Postage is usually more than the purchase price). Just like the VHS version, audio and lighting are less than desirable. No cast or director comments. I would have loved to hear the back story on making this masterpiece.