Never let it be said that Dwayne Johnson never appeared in a crap movie, when in fact he did. SOUTHLAND TALES has to be one of the worst films I've ever seen him in and not just him. There's a whole list of familiar faces with likes of Sarah Michelle Gellar, Sean William Scott, Justin Timberlake, Jon Lovitz and many more.You would think you'd have the makings of a fun film but instead it's a complete mess of a movie, and the actors are either underused or cast in lousy parts. I mean if the extent of an excellent actor's role in the film is to drive a van and smoke a cigarette as is really the case with Christopher Lambert, then your film really does suck.Although Dwayne Johnson's output of films has ranged from excellent to decent to okay, this one is a turkey not worth recommending.

Very few modern movies are original, especially ones coming out of Hollywood. And considering we live in a sort of post-consumer media culture it's not really surprising that the system , so to speak, is desperate to protect it's bottom line.This movie, well, it's not really interested in any of that. After the bizarre first 10 minutes you should know whether or not the movie is for you; it was for me.If you like things like Cronenberg, give this a shot... yes the ending is a bit, "now what do I do," but overall it's extremely entertaining, and out there in a "They Live" kind of way.And if you like it, it has the power to stick with you, and make you want to recommend it to people, until you start trying to explain what it's actually all about.

I think the producers' idea with this movie was that if you have an artsy sci fi basic plot, add a well known director in Richard Kelly and add in a host of recognisable actors, people will flock to see your movie. Whether people were actually sucked in by this and went and saw it in theatres, I don't know, but I just saw it on cable and it sure did suck, big time.The plot, if you can call it that, is random at best and generally quite boring and pretentious. The actors are mostly 80s/90s has-beens, eg Christopher Lambert, John Larroquette, or B-grade idols of teens, eg Justin Timberlake, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, Seann William Scott, Sarah Michelle Gellar.And then, the crowning glory - the movie is 2 hrs 24 minutes long! No marks for editing either.Only thing preventing this from being a 1/2-star movie is the Justin Timberlake dream sequence in the middle, involving JT lip-synching The Killers' "All these things that I've done", with an army of nurses. Very cool.

If you don't get it, no worries, no one did. Those who say they did are reaching or at best taking bits and pieces of this impenetrable Picture and making something out of it. That's an exercise in thought process and that alone is a good thing. One might say, hey, it makes you think. But this just makes you think you think. It's more like a Rorschach Test, a glob of goo for you to make something out of, and who's to argue. It is free association, but it comes at a heavy price.This is incomprehensible and daft. A presumptuous mess of Quotations and Character Names that are Ha Ha. To be kind, the Movie has a few Funny Lines and looks rather Cool. But if you are going to have so many Ideas, why make them indecipherable. A lost language of sorts, that has no Rosetta Stone. The Secrets to the Universe are there, one thinks anyway, but unfortunately it is buried forever, or at least until that Psychedelic kicks in. Or not. Truth be told, even the Director, after the Film was made, was clueless. The first release was 2 hours and 45 minutes as it was proudly unleashed on a not so forgiving Cannes Audience. It was Booed relentlessly and was one of the lowest rated Movies in the Festivals History. So, Richard Kelly (Writer/Director) cut 20 minutes and added Narration. Didn't help. It was still a headache inducing, jaw dropping, Soul Less, catastrophe. It remains so to this day, with even a few Years for it to catch on and acquire a Cult Audience, its intention. Nope. Trying to make sense of the senseless is still its greatest challenge. You might want to give it a try. You know, that Rorschach thing. Good Luck.