For this supernatural serial killer flick, director Lun Ah not only adopts the grainy, rain-soaked style of David Fincher's Se7en (a big box-office hit the previous year), but also applies every clichéd technique available to him in the Hong Kong film-makers' bag of tricks. However, no amount of blue lighting, swirling smoke, slow-motion action, canted framing, and fluttering fabric can disguise the fact that Satan Returns is a cheaply produced, poorly considered piece of garbage that not even the presence of Hong Kong hottie Chingamy 'Naked Killer' Yau and top martial arts actor Donnie Yen can save from failure.The plot, from the pen of prolific writer/producer Wong Jing, sees a murderer named Judas abducting women born on the 6th June 1969 and removing their hearts to see if they are the daughter of the devil (apparently, having no heart makes little difference to a spawn of Satan). Whilst this silly story does allow for the occasional scene of light gore and unimpressive action, the focus of the film is on dull police procedure infused with lame comedy. Only towards the end of the film, do proceedings get a little livelier with the introduction of a couple of zombie cops and a touch of power tool mayhem, but by then it's definitely a case of 'too little, too late'.A touch more madness throughout, a couple of decent moments of tension, and a lot more gore certainly would've helped matters immeasurably, but as far as I am concerned, the key to success was under the director's nose all along: if he had made better use of Yau's smouldering sexuality (the only time she gets really horny, it is way too literal!), and hadn't allowed poor choreography and bad editing to prevent Yen from successfully displaying his awesome fighting skills, then Satan Returns would have been a whole lot more entertaining.

***Spoilers***It's not often I watch a film that I really can't think of a single positive thing to say about, but this comes pretty damn close.Sadly indicative of the decline that hit Hong Kong cinema in the 90s, Satan Returns is sloppy, generic, badly written, badly filmed (and edited) and just looks cheap as *ahem* hell.The "plot" concerns a crazed man called Judas who is searching for Satans Daughter - a task he completes by finding women born on the 6th June 1966, and cutting their hearts out. If she lives, she's the real thing and the world's in trouble.Up against Judas are the "heroes", who are the worlds worst cops. Seriously, these guys cause more death and destruction than anything Judas does just through their sheer ineptitude.There's so much wrong with this film it's hard to know where to start. The sudden shifts in tone from melodrama to silly comedy (which is common in this sort of HK film, but seems particularly misguided in a film that sometimes tries to ape thrillers like Seven), the baffling plot developments (a priest informs the heroine "oh yes, i did once see 3 sixes on your fathers neck, but I didn't want to say anything"!!!), and an ending so weak it can't even be saved by a belated appearance by Zombies - even if one of them does get it's legs cut off at the knees with a chainsaw.Overall this film is silly, boring, often incoherent, and for viewers in the UK rendered completely pointless by having the final revelation shown as a caption in Chinese that the distributors couldn't be bothered translating.Even for hardened Donnie Yen fans, don't waste your time - it's rubbish!

Now Hong Kong action movies are my one true cinematic blind spot, so I approached 'Satan Returns' with trepidation. I thought I would give it a look as it seemed it might be a slightly offbeat mix of Woo/Lam style cops'n'chops with a supernatural thriller theme. While I ended up hating this movie a lot less than I expected I still found it to be silly in the extreme, and pretty tiresome overall. The plot is incoherent nonsense about a religious nut called Judas attempting to find the Devil's daughter, and makes no real sense whatsoever. The only thing that kept me watching this to the very end was the the lovely Chingmy Yau of 'Naked Killer' fame, and some of the unintentionally funny sub-titles. Apart from that there isn't all that much to recommend this movie, and beware, the 'Se7en' comparisons are way off base, and extremely misleading.

Hyped as China's "answer" to Fincher's SEVEN; there's a scene where The Law run down a rain-soaked alley, a killer making use of a Biblical Motive and - well, that's about where the "connection" ends. Occult Scholar (??) seeks series of women with 6/6/69 birthdates in order to remove their hearts - any victim who survives the surgery, proves herself to be The Devil's Daughter. Usual HK buffet: martial arts (snore...), slapstick, noxious women, and, when all else fails, throw in some genital humour. It must be said, that zombie cops cut apart via chainsaw & a nailgun crucifixion are a tad more exciting than Paltrow's head in a box. Plus, a bonus "shock" ending. Basically, a feature length indictment of Chinese Law Enforcement. As one subtitled villain quips "Damn It! Go Eat S***!" Translation: rent a Cat III title instead.