Dire Ineptitude!!!!!!! For fans of bad movies only. The Rifftrax version is the recommended way to see this wretched movie.As stated above, this movie is the worst I've ever seen (dethroning the previous worst: 1964's "The Creeping Terror") being an avid fan of MST3K and Rifftrax for the past 15 years, I like to think I know something about bad movies. And let me say when the question of "what's the worst movie ever" arises, generic, ubiquitous choices like "Plan 9 from Outer Space" DO NOT hold a candle to ROLLERGATOR once you dissect these movies element by element. Those being casting, script, acting, dialogue, sound recording, editing, music, pacing, special effects, costumes, etc. ROLLERGATOR is thee absolute ultimate in terms overall badness. Easily.Starring Charlie Sheen's uncle, also known as Joe Estevez, he's the star-power of the movie, the other "actors" are total no-names, that the casting agent probably found at a local community theater (or a laundro-mat). As you can glean from the cover, along with Charlie Sheen's uncle, there's a small purple alligator (that talks!) featured in the movie; it's limply brought to life by a very lame and simplistic hand-puppet, whose tiny hands appear to be permanently fused to it's chest, as there is no arm movement what-so-ever.The basic characters are a young blonde chick on rollerblades who befriends the alligator and its with the help of her skates that it becomes the: ROLLERGATOR! Estevez plays a carnival owner, along with him comes a henchman to do his dirty work, a karate instructor, a "dark ninja" and yet another even younger blonde girl on rollerblades named "Slingshot", plus near the end there's some portly, bumbling, old biologist whose been attempting to find the alligator.Throughout the movie, almost non-stop, there is aimless "playing" of an acoustic guitar, which will have to do as far as the soundtrack goes; occasional organ tracks appear and briefly add variety, but then back come the pointless guitar wanking.As far as the dialogue goes, it often sounds improvised and shows little flow or logic and is often unintelligible. Blah, blah, blah, the portly old biologist who's looking for the alligator eventually finds the alligator, who by then of course, is a Rollergator. End of movie. The worst movie ever. (Hey all, any word on whether there's to be a 20th anniversary Blu-ray edition issued in 2016???)

Plot summary: a girl tries to keep a puppet away from Joe Estevez, who wants it to exploit it to make money to keep his carnival open. I was able to glean this from other reviews because I really couldn't get that much information from the recording itself.At least Joe Estevez was kind enough to shout all his unintelligible lines so you can make out the word "wiener" once in a while. It seems like this movie was made by this method: 1. Donald Jackson went to his job as a janitor at a carnival and accidentally left his belt-buckle spy camera on the whole time. 2. He watched it and thought it seemed kind of boring so he dubbed loud acoustic guitar music over the whole thing. 3. He added credits and called it a movie.I don't know whether you'd call this a spoiler or not, but the rollergator is a puppet that the main character carries around with her. It doesn't do any rollering. So the name is a bit of a reach. I would have gone with "Backpackpuppet" if I were in charge of naming it. If you didn't know Joe Estevez was an actor of sorts who probably required payment, you could reasonably believe this recording was made for free. Maybe he didn't know he was in it. That would explain some things.Still. A better love story than Twilight.

Well, if the title hasn't already clued you in, just a basic outline of the "plot" should be enough to help you decide if this is the kind of film you would ever be interested in watching: young girl (around 18-20) who likes roller-blading befriends a purple TALKING baby alligator and tries to protect him from a greedy carnival owner who wants to use the verbally-not-challenged creature as a sideshow freak. She is helped by a female karate instructor and another, even younger roller-blading girl equipped with a mean little slingshot. The apathy with which everyone accepts the existence of a talking alligator is a surreal element, but mostly the movie is concerned with trying to be funny, and rarely succeeds. It is made with all the production values and technical elegance of an amateur home video, but the most annoying thing about it must be the soundtrack, which has guitars playing literally non-stop, from the first second to the last, and sometimes so loudly you can't even hear the dialogue (not that you miss much!). Despite all that, it's hard to fully hate this film, maybe because it clearly aims so low and proudly wears its cheapness on its sleeve. Or maybe because Sandra Shuker is such a sweetie-pie. (*1/2)

It infuriates me that whoever gave the director of this movie funding to make this film got so taken in. I can only hope that "legendary" film director Donald G. Jackson (of Hell Comes to Frogtown "fame") embezzled the majority of the production costs for a used Ford Fiesta or something.Make no mistake, this is not an example of "so bad it's good," this movie is "so bad it's melting my eyes and ears." Speaking of melting ears, the soundtrack is hands down the worst ever. It entails someone playing acoustic guitar (amplified) throughout the duration of the entire film (except for occasional pee and water breaks). The music has zero to do with what's going on-screen, and about 10 minutes in I was suspicious that might even be a sound loop.But worst of all is that you can't hear about 40% of the dialogue because there is music drowning it out.Not that you *would* want to hear the music. From what I can tell, the story consists of a baby, "rapping(and we use that term lightly here)", purple alligator has gotten lost. I couldn't get far enough into the movie to actually see it roller skate(I had an immense headache after an hour and ten minutes of watching the film), but apparently it does... eventually.The film *seems* to be designed for kids. What with all the skateboarding Ninjas & slingshotting little girls. But the main character in the movie is dressed in a sports bra and extremely skimpy biker trunks. Meanwhile most of the film's cinematography seems to entail zooming in on the girl's belly button while she skates around.I really don't want to spend anymore time talking about this film. Its offensive it was ever made, and I really wish I had never seen it.