Once upon a time, long, long ago, there was no Internet. The world was a dark and dreary place. There were no cellphones, no selfies, no sexting. There were no porn sites filled with naked girls by the thousands, open to teens with just a click of the "Yes, I'm an adult" box. If you were a teen and your parents had a VCR (which cost about $1,000 back then), you still couldn't go into the XXX section of your local video rental store, if there was one. Heck, you couldn't even buy -- or browse -- a Playboy magazine, legally.So what was left? Weeellllll, you could actually do it in person, but that would require actually meeting a girl. It was all quite mysterious, back in the days before porn. So, for the sex-starved American male, there was the local movie theater, or, better yet, drive-in. Way back then, a little nudity went a long way to attracting audiences, at least males. And that's about all you get with "Private School." Originality, you do not get. We get clumsily remade scenes from the great classics of teen porn, such as Animal House - 1978, specifically, the second story peeping Toms. We get the shower scenes in homage to Porky's - 1982. And we get a sex ed class, a la The Meaning of Life - March 1983. And then there were the cross-dressing scenes, which were original in Some Like it Hot, way back in 1959. Yawwwwn. What's the difference between Private School and porn? Porn is more educational. We don't actually learn anything in the sex ed class scene, unlike The Meaning of Life and any self-respecting porno. What we do learn is that Sylvia Kristel, who is a surprisingly good actress, gives an incredibly bad performance, presumably on the demand of director Noel Black. Was this some sort of retribution for a lack of "cooperation"? (No, Kristel does not provide a "demonstration" in the movie.)We should not forget Dan Greenburg and Suzanne O'Malley, credited with "writing" this movie (I wonder if they list it on their resume?). And who came up with the imaginative title: "Private School"?Fortunately, Phoebe Cates is treated with more respect. I'm glad her career survived this flaming turkey. She was excellent in Gremlins. Where have you gone, Phoebe? You can come out of hiding now. All is forgiven!If Private School were released today in a movie theater, would anyone show up? Would anyone stay to the end? Maybe. There are some people who actually enjoy stupid, bad movies. (Which raises the question of why I watched it. Answer: I stumbled on it in Leonard Maltin's book, and found the cast (Phoebe Gates AND Sylvia Kristel!!!??? (Don't be fooled: There is NO Phoebe and Sylvia scene) ) and rating of "BOMB" intriguing.) But the sex scenes wouldn't cut it, these days. Now, sex has to be graphic and dished out in heaping helpings, like Nymphomaniac, etc. Some mainstream movies are now nothing more than porn with better production values, like Titanic -- and unlike Private School, which had neither high production values, nor graphic sex. Stay to the end? I dare you to make it past the credits! The title song is atrocious, repulsive and repeats a certain four-letter word, perhaps to help spice up the R rating. This movie is pure, shameless teensploitation. Perhaps it should be titled "Shameless." Don't get me wrong: I have nothing against nudity, porn, or sex in movies, just snickering, un-erotic, sagging nudity. But, hey, if this movie turns you on, enjoy those hyper-hormones while you can. Youth is wasted on the young. Go out and meet a real girl. If you don't know what to do with her, watch some real porn. You won't learn anything at this "Private School."

OK as I said this is a teen movie so it needs to have hot girls, show enough skin, have stupid (in the good way) humor and be anti authority. This movie has it all. It isn't the best in it's respective genre but it is good enough to keep you entertained.The negative (or positive you decide) of this movie is that it leans a little heavy on the tits and ass and sometimes neglects the other elements of the movie. Don't believe me look at the box shots, they just look like a cheap porn.The only thing I don't get is why an exclusive girl and boy school would be build so close to each other and have that level of interaction it kinda beats the point of having a separated school in the first place. I guess it feeds into the male fantasy or something.

A run of the mill movie from the 80's with nudity, silliness and boys wanting to see nubile girls bereft of clothing with some broad humour. The movie gets it's rating even though it is a watered down version of the superb Fast Times at Ridgemont High which also starred Phoebe Cates. Yes Ms. Cates is nice to look at but she does not have the ability to carry this movie. The story basically is of some boys and girls at two private schools and all the mischief they seem to get into. The cast tries but I have seen this movie many other times and all the clichés. Fun for the memories but like one's youth something are best in the past.

This was one I enjoyed in High School (and College) to see some T&A. Phoebe Cates plays Christine Ramsey, Matthew Modine plays Jim. He loves Chris, and Chris loves him. Enter Jordan Lee Jensen, played by Betsy Russell. She has the hots for Jim so she tries to break them up. In the meantime, you have plenty of T&A as Bubba tries to score and ends up in the girls shower. Sure, the plot is thin, the humor is thin, but Betsy Russell is so HOT! Probably the best scene is Russell riding topless on a horse. Even clothed this woman begs the male eye to revel and take in every inch of her skin. It's not Fast Times at Ridgemont High (also starring Cates) or The Breakfast Club--but Private School for Girls got me through those years when I wanted to see a lot of T&A. It is finally on DVD (much to the chagrin of Phoebe Cates), fully restored and in letterbox format to make the shower scene all the more pleasurable. It was about time, considering that lame movies like Night Patrol, Night of the Living Dead II and the Party Animal being put on DVD. In any case, I am truly sorry, Phoebe. However, the fans demanded it and Universal finally responded.