Going by the standards of that genre known as the 1980s sex comedy, "Private Resort" is not one of the greats. Sure, it does tick off some of the boxes adequately, as there is plenty of girl-watching to enjoy (although, to be frank, there's more male nudity than there is female). And the script makes sure to include plenty of outrageous farcical situations in which to place our protagonists and antagonists. It's a gorgeous-looking picture in more ways than one, with very polished photography, and the pacing is acceptable enough to make the picture clock in at a fairly painless 82 minutes. It's not always terribly funny - in fact, sometimes it is lame and awkward - but it does have enough chuckle-worthy moments to make it an okay view.There are a notable amount of familiar faces here. Rob Morrow and Johnny Depp, right near the beginnings of their careers, are Ben and Jack, two young adults who are guests of the title locale. Their obvious mission is to score as much action as they can, but fate will have other things in store for them. The main story thread is that when Jack attempts to get it on with Bobbie Sue (Leslie Easterbrook, best known as Callahan in the "Police Academy" series), the two of them end up incurring the wrath of a supposedly professional jewel thief, "The Maestro" (Hector Elizondo).Rob and Johnny are lively and engaging, although it's been said that the two of them were so embarrassed by the movie that they vowed to track down and destroy every copy! Elizondo certainly does *look* embarrassed, but he still soldiers on admirably, and he and the rest of the cast do attempt to milk the material for as many laughs as they can. Emily Longstreth, Karyn O'Bryan, Hilary Shepard, Ms. Easterbrook, and Lisa London offer lots of eye candy, and it's also fun to see people like Dody Goodman, Michael Bowen, The Diceman (a.k.a. Andrew Clay), and Tony Azito."Private Resort" is no classic, but fans of the genre will likely be satisfied.Six out of 10.

It isn't every day you can watch Andrew "Dice" Clay slap around Johnny Depp in a movie. Or see Blanche from the Grease movies down a whole bottle of Quaaludes. Or see Hector Elizondo running around with a reverse Mohawk.... the list goes on. But these are just some of the things you'll see in this very enjoyable comedy from a bye gone era of film-making. Private Resort has a plot so minimal that one really would be hard pressed to describe it. I guess you could say that it is about two young men (Depp & Morrow) who visit a posh oceanside resort hoping to meet girls. They meet several, and along the way they get mixed up with an evil jewel thief played by Hector Elizondo. The action is played out in a series of chase scenes through the hotel, attempted hook-ups, and even a shootout at the end. Roll credits.Private Resort scores on many fronts. First of all, this film knows it's a sex comedy. So it also knows that in order for the audience to get their money's worth, there has to be a lot of nudity. And this film does not disappoint in that department. Even the guys get naked! You bet! Johnny Depp is fully nude at one point. We only see his backside, but I'll bet his female (and some male) fans will be totally satisfied. It appears this film was made before he started getting all of those tattoos. I didn't notice one on him. The film relies on physical comedy or "slapstick" for most of the laughs. The script has few memorable lines, but it really doesn't need them to get the point across. That poor guy who plays the head of hotel security continually gets the crap beat out of him as the action unfolds. So does Elizondo.Depp is appealing in one of his earliest roles. I doubt that he was asked many questions about it when he went Inside the Actor's Studio, however. Maybe Depp looks back on this film and smiles as he remembers a more simple time in his life. Who knows? Morrow as the more shy one of the two main characters is also very likable. It's good to see he still works, too. Andrew Clay is featured, and this is before he became known as the "Diceman". He is shirtless on one scene, and he appears to have more hair on his shoulders than on his entire back! Really, there isn't much more one can say about this film. It hits all the notes it intended to hit. The cast takes juvenile material and makes the most of it. Elizondo in particular stands out. You can even sense a few ad-libs he may have thrown in in some scenes that add to the fun. Also, there is a welcomed appearance by the large-chested policewoman from the Police Academy movies. The film hasn't even aged all that badly, except for the obvious changes in female swimwear. But, since most of the women in the film end up naked in their scenes, it really doesn't matter what they're wearing, does it? 6 of 10 stars.It was fun when I was in 8th grade, and it still is today!!! The Hound.

Obviously this isn't a movie to be taken seriously and it may even be arguably offensive to women but I would take 'Private Resort' any day over the supposed 'comedy' flicks that feature the likes of Adam Sandler and Seth Rogan. There isn't much in terms of story. It's pretty much about two young men in their early twenties who go to a private resort to get laid. Meanwhile a jewel thief looks to steal a diamond necklace from a martial arts expert grandmother. It's definitely very silly but highly amusing. There's plenty of slapstick and overall cheesiness but the humour works and it has the right energy. Johnny Depp and Rob Morrow's on-screen camaraderie is a delight to watch as they provide the funniest scenes. Both actors have come a long way since and it was fun to see them as their young selves playing horny kids. Hector Elizondo is funny too. There's plenty of nudity to keep the viewer further entertained. It also depicts the 80's fashion (with big puffy hair and funny clothes). Overall, it's a fun little flick that has some nostalgic value.

This one is hard to rate. This is of course a complete mess of a movie; jumps from one set piece to another with only so little to tie them together. We basically watch sex starved Depp and Morrow try to make the most out of a weekend in a luxurious Private Resort Hotel and all they do is get into a whole lot of trouble.But the movie is fun. A totally 80's comedy, with the atmosphere planted solely on sex and low brow humor which more than a few times hits bull's eye. It doesn't hurt either if you grew up watching this film, some good memories associated with this one in my case. The fact that this film doesn't make a whole lot of sense and is way over he top, especially near the end, actually works in it's favor.The cast is willing and able. Depp and especially Morrow are very appealing leads but Elizondo completely steals the show as the world's unluckiest jewel thief (also with the world's ugliest haircut). Everybody seems to be having fun doing this and no one takes himself too seriously. How could they anyway? As said, the film is hard to rate. It's not a sophisticated comedy which can boast of solid writing and plotting but as a sexually charged 80's skin flick comedy it ranks as one of the more pleasurable, in my opinion at least.