Complete waste of four hours of time I'll never regrettably get back. I wish our local library would take it off the shelves. Their "poetic license" goes way beyond the boundaries of that definition. Complete travesty and pile of junk. For starters, Noah's sons AND THEIR WIVES entered the ark. Secondly, mankind remaining and the poor remaining animals were destroyed immediately by this epic point in history. Pirates?? Pirates such as depicted in this film didn't appear until circa 1700s or so.Most of this four hour travesty is spent adding bunk such as Lot gleefully breaking off his wife's salt-pillared finger to show off later in the film; a much too long pirate fight scene, and the mysterious Peddlar for whose presence in the film remains a complete unnecessary sporadic figure. The arguing, shrewish details cast upon Lot's wife, while completely ignoring or barely referencing the Rainbow's first appearance to mankind as a symbol of a covenant between God and Noah. The stupid, manic depictions of the survivors on the boat, which by the way, was SEALED by God until they landed. Ugh. Terrible, terrible movies. Bunk.How the great Jon Voight and Mary Steenburgen managed to get suckered into this adaptation of a beautiful Biblical story pummelled by the idiocy of modern screenwriters is beyond me.

A local video store was closing last week and I bought this DVD thinking it must be half decent with Jon Voight as Noah. Just finished watching it (although that is probably too strong a word, I ended up fast forwarding much of it as it was so awfully appalling and embarrassing). It has to be perhaps the worst movie I have ever seen. It certainly was not the story of Noah. The disclaimer of "poetic license taken" was laughable, it would be like entitling a movie "Jack the Ripper" and having Christie of Rillington Place as a major character and claiming poetic license. (Don't know why I've chosen serial killers as my example, perhaps I'm feeling murderous at such a shocking waste of time and life!) I just can't understand how it has managed to have a 4 star rating, did the director get all his kith and kin to write in with favorable comments? I do hope the soon to be released Russel Crowe version at least lives up to its title.

This has to be the most absurd story ever told. Not that it makes a difference that it was made into a movie but that people really watch this and believe that it really happened. Lets be honest here. Do you really think that two of ever animal marched step by step onto a boat 400 feet long that floated on a planet completely covered by water? Think about how much water it would take to cover the highest point on Earth, which is just over 29,000 feet. And assuming there is a God why flood the planet? Why not just kill off the bad evil people and spare Noah the trouble of building a boat. Some people might think that the story of Noah's Ark might make a good children's story but it is far from that. It is a story about genocide, horror and incest. I mean only Noah's family was spared so who else were they going to have sex with to repopulate the human race? And aside from that do you really suppose that Noah lived to be 500? Here is the issues with logic with the story of Noah's Ark:1. How were the animals gathered? Would have been a bit hard to find a polar bear in the desert.2. What about the special diets of the animals? How did they bring the food along? and how was it stored? What about storing fresh water?3.Getting all the animals aboard the Ark presents logistical problems which, while not impossible, are highly impractical. If only 16000 animals were aboard the Ark, one animal must have been loaded every 38 seconds, without letup.4. How do you explain the relative ages of mountains? For example, why weren't the Sierra Nevadas eroded as much as the Appalachians during the Flood?5. Are we to believe that after the Ark came to rest on Mt. Ararat that all the animals just wondered back to their present locations? 6. What happened to all the water that covered the Earth?I have made a fatal mistake here. I have used logic to explain something that makes no sense and is beyond absurd. Logic is something that people of faith do not like.John Voight must have been hurting for money to be a part of this project....

This one lost me from the very beginning with its "poetic licence" disclaimer. I believe, if you are going to make a movie about God's word, the truth is very important."Noah's Ark" is everything a film like this shouldn't be. It is inaccurate, irresponsible and lacks impact as a result. Director John Irvin is unable to inspire, and the film is thus dull and at times moronic.Jon Voight has been infinitely better, as has Mary Steenburgen. Even the great F. Murray Abraham wastes his time. All the English accents are annoying too. Forget it!Saturday, April 1, 2000 - T.V.