Never Too Young to Die is one of the most eighties films you will ever see. The film stars John Stamos who joins forces with his father's partner Vanity after daddy is killed trying to prevent a hermaphrodite, played by Gene Simmons, from poisoning the towns water supply.The Good: Vanity and Gene Simmons. Vanity is simply ethereal in this film. There doesn't seem to be a shot where she isn't effortlessly beautiful. She also shows decent action and acting chops. She is not Meryl Streep mind you but compared to say Denise Richards in The World Is Not Enough she is a cut above as the action heroes girlfriend.Gene Simmons is the other gem. Channeling both Tim Curry's Dr. Frank-N-Furter and The Joker. He takes what could have easily been an offensive and problematic bad guy and makes him/her so over the top offensive and problematic it becomes a delightful tour de force.The Bad: Well the rest of the movie. George Lazenby (That guy who keeps Timothy Dalton from being the world's worst Bond) is kinda just there and while John Stamos isn't awful by any means he can hardly hold his own against Vanity and Gene Simmons. (Yeah let that thought roll around in your head a minute.)Gene Simmon's minions look like they wandered off the Death Wish 3 set or perhaps a post-apocalyptic Full Moon Feature. They are entertaining enough but so out of place in the universe as is the army chasing them. Gil Bettman's direction is a simple point and shoot affair with some strange choices. He shoots a sex scene that clearly calls for an Emmanuel style soft focus linger in the same fast cut back and forth he shoots the action scenes.Overall: This is not a good movie. This, however, is an incredible eighties film. Vanity and Simmons simply elevate the already insane base material to a new level. It may not be defensible but it is sure entertaining.

I just bought this and can't stop watching it. I love Gene Simmons and I'm a big fan of him and KISS. Seeing him as half man and half woman was hilarious. Probably not the right career move, but it's a good movie, even to watch now in 2006. Well Gene Simmons plays two parts, one as Carruthers and the other as Velvet Von Ragner. It will have you thinking what's going on next and maybe at the end of your seat. Well maybe not at the end of seat, but still it's Gene Simmons, so you got to love it. Hope you enjoy, I sure did-well still do.Oh and there is a sex scene with John Stamos and Vanity. Doesn't show much, but it does show some of Vanity naked. I don't think this is a good movie for kids under 17 so see b/c there is blood and such too. A lot of violence (well not a lot, about average).

Gene made me laugh until I cried. He took this horrible mess and ran with it. The rest of the cast...well, what rest of the cast? This one is a real stinker but if you're a hardcore KISS fan you can appreciate the utter hilariousness of Gene's performance. Don't get me wrong, this movie overall is the worst I have ever seen but if seeing Gene Simmons in drag will live on tape long enough for my grandkids to see it, then it's worth it. LOL I pull it out of the cabinet whenever I need a good gut busting laugh with a horrible script.

Many films fall into that 'so-bad-they're-good' category. The guys at Troma have even made it a revered art form. But Troma has yet to match "Never Too Young to Die." Without realising it, the filmmakers have achieved the ultimate tacky 80's action movie. It has just a perfect balance of tacky 80's acting (with "Jessie" from "Full House," Gene Simmons from KISS, and Vanity--what ever happened to her?), tacky 80's action, tacky 80's music, and tacky 80's production design. The plot is the most convoluted mess I've ever seen. That is to say that there really is a plot, but you find yourself smacking your forehead repeatedly in disbelief as the writers juggle tacky 80's clichés, predictable plot turns, and convenient situations that no one would ever buy. And sometimes, it just doesn't make any sense at all. But when all is said and done, the final product is a movie that is just delightfully crappy. My suggestion: rent this movie with some friends and some booze, and have a rollicking good time bashing this movie. I give it a 0 for its poor quality and a 10 for its "entertainment" value. Total score: 5