Money Train (1995): Dir: Joseph Ruben / Cast: Wesley Snipes, Woody Harrelson, Jennifer Lopez, Robert Blake, Chris Cooper: Title suggests theft in that the money is the riches and the train is the getaway. Unfortunately viewers missed that train and had to suffer through the entire film. Wesley Snipes and Woody Harrelson who previously starred in White Men Can't Jump are brothers and undercover cops in the subway area. Snipes looks out for adopted brother Harrelson who is constantly in trouble due to debt. Jennifer Lopez joins them thus causing romantic divisions. Trouble arises when Harrelson decides to rob the money train leading to an ending that applauds theft. Basically another buddy flick, with director Joseph Ruben handling the action effectively without a screenwriter anywhere to be evident. Snipes and Harrelson recite tired formulas where nothing is learned. Why this film could not concentrate more on their adopted relationship is beyond me. Instead it is more or less an excuse to pair the actors up again in hopes of repeating previous success. Lopez is a romantic prop with little purpose here other than to unintentionally cause a brief division between the duo cops. Robert Blake is forgettable as the foul mouth ranting supervisor. Message of theft and brotherhood sidelined for pure nonsense. Viewers should let this train wreck pass them by. Score: 3 / 10

Money Train is what happens when someone has a chunk of cash, a nice group of stars but no real story or direction to take their ambition in. Not to say it's a bad movie, on the contrary, it's a huge ton of fun, it's just.. Not much actually happens lol. Stuff happens, but it's more day to day, episodic peeks at the lives of two NYPD cops, and adoptive brothers, played by Wesley Snipes and Woody Harrelson, as opposed to a focused narrative with actual story beats. The titular train doesn't even figure in until the last 20 minutes. But like I said, it's fun. The two leads have snappy, bickering chemistry as any two buddy cops should. Snipes is the responsible, put-together one, and Harrelson the troubled, hangdog gambling addict. The obligatory girl for them to fight over arrives, giving the story some momentum. Here she's played by Jennifer Lopez, who is extremely underrated as an actress and is always welcome as far as I'm concerned. One segment of the movie has them dealing with a sick freak firebug who likes to burn subway ticket clerks alive in their booths, played by Chris Cooper, looking like a scarecrow who shaves with a cheese grater. The main set piece, if it can be called that, involves them evading the monstrous clutches of the NYC transportation system CEO, played by Robert Blake. He gives the best work of the film, a snarling, obnoxious prick, like a psychopathic monopoly man. Seriously I don't know where this guy gets so much energy from, he's an absolute blast to watch. Blake has had a controversial life that cut his film career achingly short (this and Lynch's Lost Highway were his last appearances). Tragic, as he's a true gem on screen. His character oversees the money train, transporting cash from inner city casinos, which Harrelson eventually sets his sights on. It's an odd, meandering movie, which sounds like it might be slow or boring. Never. Although it wanders and looks for a plot, it never fails to entertain us even with the most mundane character interacted or petty scenarios.

In this widely anticipated sequel to the original, our favorite multicolored crime fighting duo returns, in "White Men Can't Jump Two: The Great Train Robbery". In this adventure, our heroes must use their basketball and police skills to defeat an evil New York City train conductor with mob ties. Billy decides to dump Gloria for a chance with her much more attractive cousin, Jennifer Lopez, but Sidney is after her too. The two end up settling the dispute with a game of one on one, and Sidney wins (surprise!). As the winner, Sidney gets to have sex with Jennifer Lopez, while Billy is beaten senseless by mobsters. Billy feels betrayed by his brother from another mother, leading him on a drinking binge that leaves him incapable of performing his police duties during a subway arsonist attack. Unfortunately, Jennifer Lopez is consumed in the fiery blaze. Sidney blames Billy for the tragedy, and fisticuffs ensue. Sidney's legs are badly injured in the brawl, rendering him incapable of dunking. Our heroes forgive each other and reunite to play an epic game of two on two (NBA JAM style) against the arsonist and the train conductor. The contest is intense and physical. The arsonist catches fire from the perimeter, raining down fiery threes. With Sidney's weakened legs and Billy's whiteness, our heroes must rely on their shooting skills to stay competitive. The bad guys are ruthless with their dirty play, and Sidney and the arsonist end up fighting to the death. The arsonist soaks Sidney with gasoline and is about to throw his lighter at him, but Sidney lights him on fire with a magic fire stick then hits him with a train. Sidney then roundhouse kicks him through a plate glass window for good measure. The arsonist dies, but Sidney is issued a flagrant II for excessive contact to the head/neck with a train, and ejected from the game. In the end, its Billy vs the mob conductor, one on one. Billy dunks over the conductor to seal the victory, proving once and for all again, that white men really can jump. Then the mob conductor is brought to justice, and our heroes make away with millions in mob cash.

While this film is several years old now, it is still not too bad to watch when it shows up on network TV. At the time it came out, both Woody Harrison and Wesly Snipes were HUGE box office draws..so they put them both together in a film..expecting magic to happen. It wasn't a amazing memorable film though. Fun..yes...parts were kind of laughable. The idea of them being "brothers" of sorts was cool too. They aren't perfect people with perfect lives..the flaws were quite clear..but we like them anyway. Adding Robert Blake was great as well. His tightly wound character looked like he could explode at any moment. It makes us wonder about how warped other parts of his life might be. I did think having Jennifer Lopez on board as a female cop/love interest was a little too much. She was just coming onto the scene as a performer..and it shows here...although not much has improved about her acting skills over the years...she needs to stick with music in my opinion.Did we need to be reminded she was a woman AND of ethnic decent too? The part could have been played by anyone...or simply not been added at all. I guess she was more or less eye candy here. I think my favorite part was the ending...when they had rolled the train..and were confronted by Robert Blakes extremely enraged character in the subway. After all they had been through...they still could stay cool enough to handle in with one swift and direct punch...which he dearly deserved. They end up getting away with the crime..which was wrong..yet..right too. Did they deserve all the money? Maybe. The fact they screwed the system and got away with it? Awesome.