This is the funniest Vampire movie I've ever seen...Craig Ferguson is superb....as are the rest..... The list of stars is intense Who would have included Gangsta's with vampire hunting Natzi...best line....He's talking' 'bout us. The comedy lines start from the beginning and just don't stop. The only thing that I feel could have been omitted are the sex scenes with Van Deim....and they were when shown on broadcast TV.....did not hurt the flick at all; actually helped it......and yes there is a rape scene which was omitted on TV....that was GREAT and funny as anything I've ever seen...yet believe me I have no care for rape........this was too funny and had a bit of retribution to boot.....Crip Vampires....like LA has problems enough.....too funny

Modern Vampires, or Revenant as it's also known, is set in Los Angeles where a female Vampire called Nico (Natasha Gregson Wagner) who is also known as the 'Hollywood Slasher' is going around openly killing people & drinking their blood, the ultimate Vampire Count Dracula (Robert Pastorelli) doesn't like this as if she is discovered the human race will be aware of the existence of Vampires & hunt them down like the vermin they are so he orders her dead. Meanwhile Dallas (co-exectutive producer Casper Van Dien) the Vampire who turned Nico rolls into town & wants to protect her, he also brings with him the supreme Vampire hunter Dr. Frederick Van Helsing (Rod Steiger) who is on a mission to destroy all Vampires. Much hilarity ensues, not...This made-for-TV piece of crap was co-produced & directed by Richard Elfman who also appears in the film at the end as the 'Cop with Doughnut' & I'll be brutally honest & get straight to the point & say that I thought Modern Vampires was awful. The script by Matthew Bright is obviously meant to be some sort of horror comedy, unfortunately Modern Vampires is neither horrific nor funny which is obviously a sizable problem. The films uses racial stereotypes with awful black jokes, there are terrible Vampire jokes & embarrassing slapstick comedy moments like the comedy sound effects when anyone hammers a stake into a Vampires heart or when the black dudes tie a female Vampire to a bed & take it in turns to have sex with her. The character's are also awful, just compare the annoying & irritating character's in Modern Vampires with the brilliant characterisations in Near Dark (1987) another contemporary Vampire film, it's like chalk & cheese to be frank & there is no comparison. In fact Nico has to one of the worst on screen Vampires in cinematic history & her character alone is going to knock a star off my final rating. The film is slow, it's dull, it's throughly predictable & I just had a hard time sitting through it. It's films like Modern Vampires that make me wonder what is happening to the horror genre.Director Elfman (composer Danny Elfman's brother) obviously doesn't know the meaning of the word subtle, everything is garishly over-the-top & exaggerated in a cartoonish sort of way. I still can't get over Van Helsing hiring a gang of black guy's, lame. There's certainly nothing scary here & I didn't find it funny in the least either. There's some gore here, people have broken bottles stuck in their necks, Vampires bite & suck blood, there are several vampire stakings, a Vampire has it's head cut off with a saw & there are a lot of bare naked breasts on show as well along with star Casper Van Dien's bare butt during a sex scene if that sort of thing interests you.With a supposed budget of about $2,000,000 this looks alright but is a bit bland & forgettable, the constant hip-hop style music is just so out of place as well. There's actually a decent cast here which is wasted. Van Dien, Steiger, Kim Cattrall & Udo Kier put in hammy performances while Pastorelli is perhaps the worst on screen Dracula ever.Modern Vampires sucks more than any Vampire in the film itself ever could, I'm sorry but that is what it basically boils down to & it's as simple & straight forward as that. It's neither horrific or funny & that's an absolute killer for a horror comedy, isn't it?

"Modern Vampires" is one of the cleverest vampire films ever.**SPOILERS**Vampire Dallas (Casper Van Dien) returns to LA, driving Art Gallery Owner/Vampire Ulrike (Kim Cattrall) and her friends Vincent, (Udo Kier) Richard (Craig Ferguson) and Panthia (Natasha Andrejchencho) into a wild frenzy. The Count (Robert Pastorelli) wants him out of LA, as does vampire hunter Dr. Van Helsing, (Rod Steiger) who begins a giant frenzy to kill off the vampires. He begins recruiting others to join him, Time Bomb, (Gabriel Casseus) Soda Pop, (Victor Togunde) Li'l Monster, (Cedrick Terrell) and Trigger (Flex Alexander) and together they head off after The Hollywood Slasher, Nico, (Natasha Gregson Wagner) a fellow vampire. Trying to get her away from their group because the Count is angry with her for almost exposing vampires to the world, she is forced to stay with Dallas and Richard. After a series of altercations, Dallas and Nico are forced out onto the run as both the Count's gang and Van Helsing's squad close in on the vampires. Everyone finally gathers together at the Count's home to have their final showdown.The Good News: What I really like about this film is really the black comedy vibe that it has. It was obviously made with tongue so firmly in cheek that almost everyone the film looks to be enjoying themselves. With such a giant cast, this may seem like a very hard statement to make, but everyone really shines in their scenes. What really helps the film is the way that the vampires in the film are not depicted as traditional vampires. They weren't shadowy, vile creatures only concerned with hunting down mortals and drinking their blood. They are depicted as having their own society full of rules and social stature, and they look out for each other as well. It was certainly different to see that kind of vampire film. It was also nice to see them after-hours, drinking and dancing and having a general good time. It was fun to watch them be so out of character that watching them act so unusual that it made the movie itself. The film also had a ton of gore. There are tons of neck biting, as well as several bloody staking and other forms of bodily harm. Several are set are fire or are violently shot to death. This is a gore-hounds dream, as there are lots of great kills with tons of bloodletting. There was also a lot of good humor in the movie. Because Van Helsing decides to fight his war with gang-members, there is a lot of humor watching an old German man trying to communicate with twenty-something Black men. That in itself is comedy gold, and here it works. That concept even sounds funny when you really think about it.The Bad News: The campy attitude that the film does take with the vampires will more than likely offset true vampire film lovers. It really makes them out as freaks rather than as feared creatures of the night, and this is a new take that many will not necessarily approve of. Other than this little grip, the only other complaint was the fact that it had way too many characters for people to get a handle of. I had to learn about three different characters merely after they were dead and someone else was commenting on them. That to me screams, "Cut down the cast before the cameras roll, not during."The Final Verdict: This is a good, interesting vampire film that could really become a cult classic. It has everything required to become one, and vampire fans will want to check this out now.Rated R: Graphic Language, Graphic Violence, Nudity, a quick sex scene, and drug use

This is one of the most unconventional movies I have ever seen. It is obvious these guys had tremendous fun making this flick and so will you, if you have a strong stomach. As an aside, the female cast is gorgeous and offer additional redemption.