I was hoping that Mistress of the Apes would be an enjoyable piece of jungle sexploitation, with gorgeous blonde lead Jenny Neumann being the female equivalent of Tarzan, swinging through the trees in nothing but a loincloth; this is most definitely not the case.Neumann plays Susan Jamison, wife of a famous anthropologist, who travels to the Congo region to try and find her missing husband, unaware that he has been murdered by poachers. What follows is a rather tepid adventure, with Susan and her pals Laura and Paul learning the truth and trying to avoid becoming the poachers' next victims, while also befriending a troop of ape-men, the missing link between Australopithecus and homo sapiens.While there is a little exploitative content - most notably the (not-too-graphic) rape of Laura by the baddies, and Susan breast-feeding an ape-child (who looks just like any ordinary baby) and having sex with one of the lucky banana-eating knuckle-draggers - the film is mostly a real snooze fest.As a fan of horror films and the art of special effects make-up, I found that the most interesting thing about the whole movie was the fact that the ape-men makeup was created by Oscar winner Greg Cannom (The Lost Boys, The Mask) and Oscar nominee Rob Bottin (Robocop, The Thing).

MISTRESS OF THE APES is one of many gender-twist versions of TARZAN that have been made over the years. In the hands of writer/director Larry Buchanan, this one's a cheap and entirely lamentable affair, with the sole thing going for it that it was filmed in Kenya. Don't expect any kind of wildlife footage or much travelogue footage either, because Buchanan's poor budget means that most of this is shot in close-up featuring just a handful of actors. The story is indistinguishable and for an exploitation film this is remarkably tame, with just a few brief nude and sexy scenes. The romance/sex scene with the ape-man is laughably conceived with the cheesiest softcore staging. Overall, this is a real dud.

Okay, forget Ed Wood, Jess Franco or even Al Adamson. If you are interested in investigating quirky filmmakers, try Larry Buchanan. Perhaps best known for Mars Needs Women, The Naked Witch and TV re-makes of AIP drive-in classics, Buchanan was responsible for this quickly and cannily lensed piece of exploitation shot in Malibu State Park and "dressed" as Africa. Of main interest to fanboys is the presence of the exaulted Barbara Leigh as the wife of an unscrupulous profiteer. A knowing finger on the pause/slow advance button on the remote about 45 minutes into the movie will prove why she is so venerated.The story is not really worth detailing; just the elements that are intriguing or shocking: Stuart Lancaster plays his usual lecherous self, Barbara Leigh gets raped not once, but twice (and quite unnervingly, too), the young bride breast-feeds a "near man" baby, and the recurring "Ape Woman/Ape Love" song that completely undermines any serious consideration of the subject matter. I mean, this is BAD 70s white-boy funk. Finally, the miscogenation of the lead actress with one of the "near men" is enough to raise some eyebrows.The dialog--as is usual for a Buchanan opus--is priceless and quoteable. To detail these joys would be gilding the lily of audience investigation...My source is an OOP video from Pan-Canadian (cover by Boris Vallejo!)

One of bad film master Larry Buchanan's best. Features a stupid yet potent mix of sex, bad science, fake jungle sets, horrible makeup, and incredible music ("She used her charms to tame the wild, she thought of everything except what to name the child"). A very cute-sexy blonde babe leaves the city (the "Urban Jungle") for what is said to be Africa after a hospital accident. She finds a tribe of "Near Men" (they only have one female, but it gets killed). The Near Men look like football players with some mud packed on their faces, but they are said to be apes. She learns their grunt language, breast feeds their baby, and, in the interest of science, starts having rampant sex with all of them. Movies don't get much better.