"Memorial Valley Massacre" is a more than capable slasher when it gets going.**SPOILERS**Arriving at the Memorial Valley Park, head Ranger George Webster, (John Kerry) informs David Sangster, (Mark Mears) that the park isn't ready to open but is allowed to do so anyway. As the crowd pours in, including friends Tom, (Zig Roberts) Emily, (Dusty Woods) and Chuck, (Michael Spenard) bikers Eddie, (Eddie D) Leon, (Dan S. Fambeau) Morie, (Charles Douglass) Flo, (Christina Sullivan) Rita, (B.B. Selco) and Sara, (Lyvingston Holmes) as well as local girl Cheryl, (Lesa Lee) all decide to stay with them and rough it in the wilderness. As night falls, one member of the group is found dead in the forest, and local bear reports force them to put the blame on a bear. Forming a search party with the others, they all go out to find it, but are soon separated and disappear one-by-one. Realizing that a mysterious killer has been responsible all along, they all launch a stand against them to get out of the park alive.The Good News: This was quite a nice surprise. One of the best parts of the film is the simply spectacular last half-hour of the film. This is where the killer goes crazy and begins offing the members like crazy. Except for a couple, the film's over-a-dozen kills all come in this section of the film, and there are some quite good ones as well. Several are crushed under a flipped-over truck, another is set on fire when they stand in a pool of spilt gasoline, impaled in the stomach with a spear, another falls into a trap with spikes lining the bottom, an ax in the chest and much more. This is such a fast paced series of scenes that it leads into the next one very quickly, hardly leaving the previous one in question before it's on to the next one. That's the way to handle a slasher film, where the slashing is quite excellent and it gets a lot of time. It's not necessarily suspenseful, but there's enough to warm over any genre fan as this end section is pretty loaded with such things. There's even some nice chasing going on, where it gets some more excitement into the film. The chase through the forest to catch the rider on the scooter is a prime example, where the film keeps on delivering great action without it being a killing. The assault on the campground at the end works for the same way, and it is also a great action scene. There's plenty of innovative ideas brought into play, and the non-stop action of it really excites. The last really good part is that, even though the middle section isn't all that suspenseful, action-packed or even showing of normal slasher elements, this one doesn't really become boring. Nothing happens, but it stays watchable throughout and doesn't slip into moments of boredom or sleepiness. That's a great factor for the film, and it adds with the others into a nice slasher.The Bad News: This isn't all that bad and has a few problems. The most obvious is the complete and utter nonthreatening killer. The women in the film are bigger than the killer, and that in itself should be a clear indication of how large he is. The fact that he wears a bunch of animal skins and looks like a caveman doesn't help with intimidation either. Even worse is the fact that the movie decides to reveal the identity of it early in the beginning of the film, as this one really could've been driven in the middle section by making it a real mystery about who was responsible without ruining anything else in the film. They still could've played up the jungle-man version, but it would've had the middle section all the more suspenseful if it plays off the unknown member in the campground aspect a little more. The last real flaw is that there's way too much time in between the killings. The first one occurs pretty early into the film, then they drop off until the end segment, where it goes completely killing crazy. That leaves the middle section pretty slow-going, and for the hardcore slash fans, the middle is going to be a little slow. The low-budget feel could be a problem, but it isn't pronounced like the others, and not as detrimental either.The Final Verdict: A completely cheesy and quite clichéd affair, this is a really fun and enjoyable slasher when it gets down to it. Really recommended to those who enjoy the style of campground slasher or the genre in general, while those who aren't huge genre fans will find this one to be quite bad and not worth it.Rated R: Graphic Violence, Language, Brief Nudity and a mild sex scene

If we are going to stack movies against each other, this is the best I can do. I don't know if this the biggest wastes of time I've ever used, but it ranks up there. We have a pack of rednecks and "bad kids" staying at a dumb looking campground. Running around is a guy who apparently knows how to make clothes out of animal skins, but can't help breaking the necks and backs of the campers. The principle characters are campy and stupid, as are the people running the camp. It's just that there is no effort to make things even remotely interesting. There is a wet t-shirt, some biker talk, and some kids harrassing the stupidist looking people on the face of the earth. I knew I was in trouble when the title came on from the right. As if someone had an overhead projecter and put it over the film, already in progress. Sometimes I have fun with these silly rip off movies. This one was just horrible.

Memorial Valley Campground is opening for business, even though they are having a rough start and not quite ready to open. The roads aren't quite ready and no running water are a few of the problems, but the biggest problem is a maniac caveman running around the campground killing off the campers. Extremely dull horror fare is neither gory nor horrifying. Memorial Valley Massacre takes forever to get started and by the time it does you don't even care. The acting is fairly terrible with the caveman being the worst. Who came up with this idea? Even if you are a fan of 80's serial killer movies this is one that is just not worth the bother. BOMB! Zero out of ****

A valley deep in the woodlands of the United States unveils its new campsite for people who have a yen to set out and...CAMP! Whilst there in this untouched wilderness, that looks strangely like any old campgrounds, campers begin to fall victim to a 20 year-old who has learned to survive and rough it in this untamed wilderness. He wears what looks like bear skins and has the most amazing buck-teeth. He uses big sticks to bludgeon a fat kid to death and spooks a beer-guzzling cyclist into a pit of sharpened stakes. He kills many others, but over the many years in the wilderness he has learned a few other tricks like pulling out the right cables and wires in a jeep, disarming a hut from its phone line, and, my favourite, rewiring an RV's outdoor gas supply so it combusts! Wow! The wilderness is not just a place to learn survival but also offers those skills one might pick up in a technical college. Let's face it, this movie is ridiculous and would you expect anything less with a title like Memorial Valley Massacre - by the way, these murders take place on none other than Memorial Day Weekend. Hasn't every holiday been used at this point as a vehicle for a bloodthirsty psycho? The film though is never trying to be anything other than light camp. None of the murders are done in any realistic fashion. There is little gore and none of it convincing. "Conan the Barbarian" looks just stupid as he hops about and grunts. The acting is appallingly bad with a largely unknown cast. One of the main leads is character actor John Kerry - not the man who ran for office - who plays a man with a dream of convincing a rich builder to transform this rich, "inner sanctum" of nature(actually a line from the film) - so he can drink beer/liquor, track animals, and find his son who was lost here 17 years ago. Kerry is bad but towers over some of the other performers. We get all the types in this one: the annoying fat slob who steals things and is a major nuisance to all, the beer-guzzling cyclists that are "rebels" of society with their wives dressed in Harley attire, three teens who just think about sex, an ex-military man with all the experience in the world and his buxom, dumb wife, the girl who will fall for the lead in the shortest shorts available at the time, the wise friend of the tracker with spooky stories and gems of good advice, and, finally, the smug young owner's son out to prove he is different from his rich father. What a bore! These actors are all acceptable(bad as they are)because the movie is trying to be campy(no pun intended) rather than serious. But why make a film like this? It really has no message, little real humor, no great cinematography, and a real crummy story. It's just silly without trying to be all out silly. Would someone ever want to see this a second time again? Not me. Cameron Mitchell has a small cameo in the beginning of the film playing the wealthy developer and William Smith gives the film's most enjoyable performance(not really a great feat) as the military general who likes hard liquor and watching army football games on his VCR.