Believe it or not, there's actually a song whose lyrics sing, "If this be slavery, then give me slavery. If this be slavery, I don't want to be free!" Not only did someone think to write it, but the song was given the green light by Hollywood producers, put into a film, performed by the dance duo Marge and Gower Champion, and not cut from the final film! That should give you an idea as to the quality of music featured in the Esther Williams vehicle Jupiter's Darling.Esther Williams is engaged to Roman leader George Sanders, but she's drawn to Howard Keel, who's made it his mission to attack and conquer Rome. It's quite a love triangle, because Howard Keel isn't the most likable guy ever written, but he sings powerfully seductive songs and even picks up and moves a real leopard guarding Esther's bed! My one question is why didn't George Sanders get any songs? He showed off his beautiful voice in Call Me Madam, but maybe Hollywood didn't want to give Howard Keel any competition-not that he'd really have any. He's clearly the manly macho one in the movie, and he's scantily dressed, giving audiences an up close and personal view of his macho manliness.Still, while Howard Keel is able to save a couple of songs in the movie, unless you're an Esther Williams fan, you probably won't end up renting this one. Underwater dancing is a very specialized talent, one that not everyone likes to watch. Then again, you might get a kick out of Richard Haydn sounding very much like his famous Caterpillar role from Alice in Wonderland. Or, you might enjoy looking at Howard Keel in a Greek warrior outfit that barely fits him. One more thing: This is a little criticism, but I do have it-there's a Marge and Gower Champion song performed alongside a couple of elephants, and I couldn't help but feel sorry for the animals. One was supposed to fall over and roll around, while the dancers make fun of it, but to me, it wasn't cute.

'Jupiter's Darling' had so much going for it. Who cannot resist a cast with the likes of Esther Williams, Howard Keel, George Sanders and Marge and Gower Champion, and that it was directed by George Sidney, who made a number of great films.It is a shame that 'Jupiter's Darling' wasn't better than it was. By all means, it is not a terrible film and not as bad as its notorious financial flop suggests. It does have many pleasures and the reasons for seeing the film in the first place come off well. This said, all have done much better, despite loving Keel and Sanders to death 'Jupiter's Darling' was seen as someone in the process of watching and reviewing every Esther Williams musical and it is one of my least favourite of hers along with 'Texas Carnival'.Williams certainly isn't one of the problems, in fact she is in her serenely beautiful Amazonian prime and her aquatic skills second to none and the envy of many. Neither is Keel, who is masculine, commanding and charismatic and sings with his usual warm beauty and robust brio, especially in "Never Let the Night Get Away" where he is quite touching. The two click together superbly. Sanders is his usual suave and smooth self, yes even in a role pretty far removed from the types he excelled at (villains and cads), while Richard Haydn is amusing and Marge and Gower Champion are a delight.That's not all though. The highlight is the truly spectacular water ballet in "I Had a Dream", one of Williams' best and most visually stunning water ballets. The chase sequence is also impressive. Marge and Gower Champion have two notable song and dance numbers and do a terrific job with both. "Life of an Elephant", which sees them dancing with painted elephants, is to be seen to be believed, though some may prefer the more energetic and less lengthy "If This Be Slavery".Visually, 'Jupiter's Darling' is the very meaning of lavish, the use of CinemaScope, rich bold colours and inventive use of wide-screen are just exemplary, "I Had a Dream" being the standout in this regard. The costumes and sets are very handsome too.However, the songs and score are only at best serviceable and generally forgettably substandard, the rousing "Hannibal's Victory March" and the touching "Never Let the Night Get Away" being exceptions. The rest have not-easy-to-remember melodies and sometimes very silly lyrics, some like in "Never Trust a Woman" being questionable. Choreographically, "I Had a Dream" and the Champions' numbers impress but the rest lumber and look under-rehearsed.Storytelling is uneven, sometimes it moves quickly and has great energy but other parts are ponderous, and there is a sense that the film was trying to mix too many styles and genres and it never quite came together. Worst of all is the script, which is impossible to take seriously even in moments that are meant to be serious and even when you are taking the film for what it is, if Keel and Sanders really did have the giggles during filming that's hardly surprising. Sidney's direction is competent but uninspired.Overall, difficult to rate but with enough pleasures to make it watchable. 5/10 Bethany Cox

Featuring two then top stars in yet another 'battle of the sexes' musical, which Keel had done, in quite different settings, with Betty Hutton, Doris Day, Jane Powell, and a couple times with Kathryn Grayson(the ones I'm familiar with). I'm quite surprised how obscure this film has become. I wasn't aware of its existence until seeing it on TCM today. Here, an attempt is made to amalgamate Keel's recent style of musicals with Esther's swimming forte, and the then popular Hollywood format of lavish productions sited in the ancient classical world. On the whole, I think it was rather successful , despite the lack of any memorable songs. At least, it was more entertaining than most of the 'straight' ancient spectaculars, although actual battle scenes were minimal Amazing to realize this was the third film pairing of Keel and Esther, although the first in 4 years. None of them have garnered an IMDb mean rating above 6.0, and all are mired in obscurity today. The styles and settings of these 3 films couldn't be more different. I rated "Pagan Love Song" well above average, featuring Keel much more than Esther. The lower -rated "Texas Carnival" actually more belongs to the supporting actors: Red Skelton and Anne Miller. With full beard to enhance his supermasculine image, the tall robust Keel seems like he had just stepped out from a take of "Kiss Me Kate", in which he plays an often bombastic tamer of a notorious shrewish medieval maiden(Grayson's character). As in this former film, Keel's interactions with Esther's character, Amytis, vacillate from threats or attempts to kill her to a desire to make love to her. This makes for quite a stormy and unpredictable twosome, once these 2 meet, which doesn't happen until well into the film. Esther even sometimes sports reddish hair, in mimicry of Grayson's dyed reddish hair during her role as a shrew. Meanwhile, we have hordes of soldiers and war elephants ,marching around, threatening to destroy Rome, after several victorious battles. Keel sings his alliterative 'Victory March', at the head of his marching troops. At times, the elephants enhance a circus-like atmosphere. For example, in the segment where Gower and Marge Champion, as a subsidiary romantic couple, tease each other, and sing and dance a bit in the presence of several elephants. Also, near the end, we have a string of elephants, each painted a different color. Amytis(Esther) sees it as her role to try to seduce Hannibal and convince him that he really doesn't want to destroy Rome. You see, she's betrothed to General Fabius Maximus(George Sanders), Hannibal's main opponent. Fabius is characterized as more cultured than the barbaric Hannibal, but also decidedly a less sexy catch to Amytis. Thus, the final deal is to exchange Amytis for Hannibal's guarantee not to destroy Rome(no historical basis). Yes, a very unlikely agreement, given the historic Hannibal's extreme hatred for Rome and vice versa.Esther's big 'solo' scene has her cavorting with a bevy of marble male statues around a pool, which represent the physical form of her ideal lover, while singing(dubbed) "I Had a Dream". This is followed by an extended playtime in the pool, which also contains a variety of underwater male and cherub statues, which eventual 'come alive' to cavort with her. Quite a sophisticated production, which can currently be seen at YouTube. I still find it amazing that such water ballets could be done looking like they never had to surface.It may interest you that, once again, Esther's left eardrum ruptured during filming: a recurring problem in her films. From then on, she had to wear a plastic prosthesis covering her nose and ears during her water scenes. Also, she refused to be on the horse when it galloped off a high cliff, into the Tiber River(supposedly). She had broken her neck just 2 years before from a high dive while making "The Million Dollar Mermaid", and didn't want to chance a possibly lethal repeat. As it turned out, her stuntman broke has back from this fall!

JUPITER'S DARLING is an offbeat MGM musical with many entertaining elements. Famous as one of the musical flops of MGM's 1955 output (which included KISMET and IT'S ALWAYS FAIR WEATHER)which all but ended the MGM musical -as well as the contracts of some of its major participants- the movie generally received critical praise in its day and still has a "fan base" today. The credits for the film are eye-opening.It is based on a landmark play of 1927 entitled THE ROAD TO ROME which dealt humorously with Hannibal's march on Rome but was in fact a plea against war.It's author, Robert Sherwood, died the year of the film's release and amongst his other stage and screen work are titles such as The Petrified Forest,Idiot's Delight, Rebecca and The Best Years of Our Lives.Though much changed to accommodate the aquatic talents of Esther Williams and the form of the screen musical, generous amounts of Sherwood's witty and even racy dialogue survive. At a time when the period epic was in its full CinemaScope bloom (egs. THE ROBE, THE Egyptian) it's refreshing to see the genre being lampooned in such a tongue-in-cheek manner. Esther even spoofs her own underwater ballets in the I HAD A DREAM sequence (the best song in a somewhat underrated Burton Lane score)and has another dramatically exciting underwater scene in a later reel. Vocally strong as ever,Howard Keel is robust and virile as Hannibal (who in one funny scene reveals a fear of water and an inability to swim-surely an "in-joke" considering his co-star!)and the supporting cast (Marge and Gower Champion,George Sanders,Norma Varden,William Demarest and Richard Hayden) all get great moments. The direction is by one of MGM's best musical directors, George Sidney (The Harvey Girls, Show Boat, Pal Joey) and the inventive wide screen cinematography is by Paul C. Vogel and Charles G.Clarke,two of the best D.P.'s of the day. (Clarke shot CAROUSEL for Fox magnificently one year later).Written for the screen by MGM contractor Dorothy Kingsley (Seven Brides,Kiss me Kate)and budgeted at possibly the biggest figure for an MGM musical at that time, the film is a visual stunner with unique merits which outweigh its flaws.(One complaint- MGM cut the reprise of I HAVE A DREAM by Williams(dubbed) and Sanders (not dubbed) which was followed by a sizzling dance by the Champions.A faded out-take on the laserdisc edition at least allows buffs to view this now!)