I am, admittedly, someone who believes in Jesus as who he says he is in the Christian bible. (Who HE says he is, not who "christians" say he is.) I am also rational, open-minded, and can certainly have a sense of humor when it comes to things of this nature. In fact, I was pretty excited to watch this when I read about it. Low budget in itself does not automatically disqualify ANY film from being considered one of quality. It can be done with great skill, creativity and style. By reading some of the reviews here and on Netflix, I got the impression JCVH had those things going for it. Good God was I wrong.It was by no means offensive. In fact, it didn't even border on it for me. Blasphemous? I suppose, in the most fundamental way, and to only the most small-minded of the Christian community. Perhaps the reason I found it so shockingly unoffensive was the fact that I never even really felt as if I was watching Jesus. That guy was no more Jesus than he was Ving Rhames. Chris Kattan, sure. Jesus, not so much. I read someone imply the film had some biblical wit to it- that is, the writers had some knowledge of the bible and used it to make the film funnier. That turned out to be untrue as well.The film is not really overly crude or vulgar, which is probably what most people expect it to be when they read the basic plot synopsis. Truthfully, it wasn't even funny at all. Weird and incredibly awkward, yes. Genuinely funny, not at all. There were even parts that made me feel very weird inside, and I think at one point I threw up in my mouth a little. (Transvestites with big hairy boobs tend to do that to me.) Now that I think about it, a little good old fashioned crude vulgarity would have done this film some good.As far as the technical aspects of the film, well, they are atrocious in every way imaginable. Again, with a little hard work and creativity, low budget can be done with some style. This was brutal to watch. The sound was some of the worst I've ever seen, if not THE worst. The dialog was so not in sync with the picture it looked as if it was dubbed. Visually, it was just as bad. Now, I'm no Avatar fan boy who judges films only by their visuals. (In fact, I pretty much hate all action movies.) But this was unbearable. Hard to believe this thing was made when it was.The reality here is, this is an awful film. The whole thing really just made my skin crawl. I really wanted to like it, and I stuck it out all the way to the end. But when all is said and done, there's nothing appealing about this film beyond its premise. And because the premise itself is still fantastic, it gets saved from the dreaded 1/10 rating.

Low budget doesn't have to mean tacky. This is obviously a "B" movie in everything you see, but it has a certain charm. Sometimes, it is a musical, but it certainly isn't Jesus Christ Superstar. Sometimes, it is a Kung Fu movie, but it's nothing like Jet Li.I was hoping that Jesus would get it on with Mary Magnum, looking as hot as Cat-woman in her red latex, and maybe give some credence to The Da Vinci Code, but no luck.Jesus was too busy stopping the harvest of lesbians by the evil vampires. Of course, he was pathetic until he enlisted the help of Nacho Libre, well, really Santo Enmascarado de Plata. But, even then things got a little tight before it was all over.Irreverent dialog makes for one crazy movie.

Make no mistake - this is a REAL B movie. And it shows. The crew were working with a tiny budget and things like props, special effects, wardrobe etc, are all just incidentals that were tagged on if they had time or any money left to afford them. It looks like they didn't have any money left though!!! But that's the beauty of this movie. It's rawness is a major part of it's appeal. If JCVH had been made by a major company, it just wouldn't be right. It thrives on it's crudity. No major company would touch this movie though - they wouldn't have the balls to approach it's subject matter or the bravery to take a risk with it. So JCVH works perfectly as it stands.I'm not going to go into the details of the movie; suffice to say that any movie with a religious godhead as a character is going to be controversial and may even be seen as blasphemous. But if you're going to watch it thinking it's a condemnation of Christianity, you'll be disappointed - if anything it reaffirms the core message that everyone should be cool to one another. And how can anyone disagree with that?JCVH is not so much a laugh out loud movie. There weren't many instances where I was doubled up with laughter but I found myself sitting through the whole movie with a smile on my face. It's beauty is it's cleverness. At first glance, many of the jokes seem superficial, but when contemplated, you realise how much effort went into them and how original they are. Days later you may find yourself referring back to something in the movie and thinking to yourself "Wow!!! That is really clever!!!" It may sound strange, but JCVH is a movie that I found funnier in the days after I watched it. They say that revenge is a dish served cold. Likewise, that also seems to be the case with the humour in JCVH.Many people won't get this movie. Nowadays, we expect everything to be sparkling and polished. That creates a veneer that often blinds us to the true substance - a terrible movie will often draw acclaim whereas that which doesn't meet this expectation and yearning for the artificial is consigned to the trash can. JCVH uses no trickery, no mirage or veneer - it relies on it's intelligence and rawness. And to tell the truth: it does it very, very well.

This could possibly be, no, most definitely was the most incredible waste of 52 minutes. Yes, the movie is actually 85 minutes total running time. 52 is when I tossed up my hands in utter defeat. Clearly a movie meant to entertain only the eight people involved in the film making process. The amateur filmmakers probably get the last laugh though, knowing full well they were trying to pass off a piece of crap as a potential cult classic. I was hoping for a refreshing and fun comedy about Jesus hunting vampires. How could that possibly yield anything other than hilarity? They found a way to suck out any sort of humor from a winning comedic combination. However, if you have a school boy fascination with lesbians, blasphemy, lame acting and repetitive scenes then this is the movie for you! I kept hoping that maybe there was a sense of irony, an extended metaphor or an allusion to deeper work, anything to give the film a shred of interest and I was simply over-looking it, but I really, really, really, doubt it. Please prove me wrong. Help me feel better about my 52 minutes.