I've always been intrigued by accounts of celebrity stalkers, particularly ones who have convinced themselves that they are in actual relationships with their targets. "I Think We're Alone Now" documents two of them in the grip of their decades-long obsessions with a flash-in-the-pan pop singer. Most folks have never heard of Tiffany, because she was famous for about 15 seconds in the late 80s and then disappeared completely from the limelight. That's why it's quite remarkable that she still has a throng of fans 30 years later, but it's just disturbing that her momentary stint in the spotlight was long enough to attract not one, but two scary-obsessed fans.The first is Jeff Turner, an Aspie in his mid-to-late 50s who has been stalking Tiffany since she was 16. The documentary begins with his erotomania in plain view: he actually believes that Tiffany is in love with him and repeatedly refers to her as a close, personal friend. He proudly displays the restraining order that she issued him in 1989, and the newspaper clippings of his detainment after attempting to approach young Tiffany with a Samurai sword (it was to be a gift). Often, Jeff resorts to lying about himself and Tiffany in a sad attempt to impress strangers; he tells an O-faced fan at a concert that Tiffany had once called him at his house to tell him that she was his "friend, mentor and protector."In addition to his delusions of having a close relationship with the singer, he's also a great believer in the silliest of conspiracy theories and junk science. The scene that will convince any viewer that Jeff is totally out to lunch is when he dons his "radionic" bicycle helmet that he believes allows him to communicate with Tiffany telepathically...And then there is Kelly McCormick, who, in my opinion, was a far sadder and more sympathetic character than Jeff. Kelly is a thirty-something lesbian from Denver who has never had a romantic relationship. She identifies herself as an intersex individual in the documentary; however, in the DVD commentary, she admits that she is not intersex and is, in fact, transgender. The only relevance that this has are the portions of the documentary in which she lies about her false condition; in one scene, she claimed that her father had been exposed to Agent Orange in the Vietnam War and insinuates that this may have caused her nonexistent condition. In another scene, she stated that she has a menstrual cycle; obviously, that's not possible if she's not genetically female.Kelly may not be as scary as Jeff, but she is certainly no less delusional in her expectations. She's convinced that she and Tiffany are destined to be together. She claimed to have had a vision of Tiffany -- whom she alleged to have never seen nor heard of beforehand -- after being comatose from a bike accident. Since then, she has made it her life's mission to fulfill her premonition. Her sparsely-furnished apartment is covered with photos of Tiffany, along with a full-length poster of the famous "The Kiss" photograph with Kelly's handwritten captions "Tiffany. Me. This will happen very soon!"And how do Jeff and Kelly deal with the reality that Tiffany is married and clearly has no interest in people she doesn't know? Quite differently. Jeff seems to have no problem adjusting his delusions when confronted; he shows the audience a photo of himself, Tiffany, and her husband Benn George, whom Jeff laughingly declares is jealous of him. Kelly, on the other hand, becomes sullen and depressed, as she interprets Benn as deliberately blocking her from accessing her true love. "My destiny is I'm supposed to be with Tiffany! I'm not kidding you! I am sick and f**ing tired of this bullsh*t of being pushed out of Tiffany's life when I'm supposed to be in it!"Eventually, the two meet in Las Vegas to attend a Tiffany concert together, the first for Kelly. At this point, we are quite interested to see how the two obsessed fans can get along. Surprisingly enough, they get along well enough, but their pitiful delusions do not become less painful to watch and eventually they do clash. Jeff rambles about using his "best friendship" with Tiffany to put in a good word with her for Kelly. Kelly tells the audience privately that between her and Jeff, she's got the better shot to win Tiffany's heart, as she shakily applies makeup in the hotel bathroom.Erotomania is when a person has the delusion that someone else -- usually a high-profile stranger -- is in love with that person. What is especially scary is that there is generally no amount of rejection that will convince the sufferer that their beloved is uninterested. They tend to cook up stories about how their relationship is being hidden from the public, or that there are forces in their sweetheart's life that are trying to keep them apart. Jeff believes that Tiffany never filed the restraining order against him; it must have been the doing of her then-handlers. And Kelly leaves the concert believing that a momentary encounter with her beloved at an autograph-signing formed an "everlasting friendship." What is truly astounding is that both of these individuals have real-life friends, and yet they never compare their actual friendships with their imaginary distant "relationships" with Tiffany.At the end of the documentary, Jeff reveals his latest obsession: actress Alyssa Milano. In a classic case of history repeating itself, Jeff was slapped with another restraining order, this time by Milano, shortly after the release of the documentary. In follow- up videos on the documentary's Youtube channel, Jeff states that Alyssa Milano "betrayed" him and "set him up" by issuing the restraining order; he doesn't seem to understand why a stranger cannot creep around someone else's backyard. In one video, he calls Milano "a bisexual, nymphomaniac, statutory rapist, socialpathic (sic) serial killer! Psychotic!"Wow... just wow...

We have many terms for people who are crazy enough to claim an impossible or ridiculously improbable relationship with someone else. If the "relationship" is with a person indisputably fictional i.e. Captain Kirk or Spider-man, we simply call them delusional. If it's with a celebrity or other public figure we call them obsessed fans or stalkers when the obsession gets dangerous. When the imagined relationship is with a god or demigod, we call it religion.Anyone remember 80s mallrat-turned-one-hit-wonder Tiffany? Jeff and Kelly surely do. They're the subjects of "I Think We're Alone Now," a portrait of two torn-up-from-the-neck-up wingnuts who've picked Tiffany as the target of their obsession. Jeff is a 50 year old virgin with Asperger's, Kelly is a thirty-something transwoman whose gender dysphoria is quite obviously the least of her problems. These two are a documentary maker's dream. Let the camera roll and you've pretty much got a movie just by letting them be themselves.While intending to simply make a movie about these two incredibly deluded individuals, the filmmakers have inadvertently delivered a rarely-so-intimate treatise on religion-based delusion. By substituting the words "Jesus" or "god" in place of "Tiffany" in the pair's fantasies and soliloquies, one starts to notice that it's the exact same language used by fevered Jesus junkies when describing their "relationship" with their imaginary friend(s).The parallels between Jesus enthusiast and obsessed stalker abound in this film. The imagined relationships and rampant cognitive dissonance are the most glaring examples, but there's so much more. For example, they both pray. Jeff uses his psychotronic helmet (I'm not making this up) to mentally commune with Tiffany from his basement, Kelly has imaginary text sessions with the singer. Collections of holy iconography and texts are everywhere in their apartments. There's even the hint of a holy war brewing during the ill-conceived meeting between these self-appointed popes of two different sects of the Church of Tiffany.Jeff is an evangelist who'll proudly announce to anyone who will listen that he's Tiffany's bestest friend and quotes chapter and verse about her life and his imagined role in it at the drop of a hat. Kelly's version of the religion is of a more deeply personal nature. Kelly knows that she and Tiffany will one day have a romantic relationship and seems to be growing increasingly upset that it hasn't quite happened yet. Unfortunately, this romance will not take place in a fantasy afterlife making Kelly the far more potentially dangerous of the pair. In fact, by the end of the film Jeff has headed down the path of apostasy. While allowing that he and Tiffany will always be dear friends, he's switching his affections to another large breasted 80s celebrity.I've barely scratched the surface of this film's exploration of delusion, religion, cognitive dissonance, and just plain old everyday lunacy. It's really got to be seen to be believed. For atheists, antitheists, and other right-thinking individuals it's a not-so-gentle reminder of the dangers of socially acceptable and government-enabled insanity. For the Jesus junkies, it provides a mirror in which they can hopefully see themselves as more stable people see them and gain a better understanding of just what all the concern is about.There's one issue that the film doesn't really touch on. While Jeff and Kelly might be creepier than a French kiss from Grandma, the mere fact that Tiffany is still performing is in itself quite troubling...

"Biggest fans" can often be innocuous, but many times they cross the threshold from adoring to creepy. The latter is how I would best describe the two fans in this film.The documentary outlines the quest of both these fans to meet Tiffany and attend one of her concerts. The film itself is quite fair in their portrayal of the fans, allowing themselves to share details of their lives and not setting the stage to brand them as stalkers. Through the fans' own words and actions, they set that stage for themselves. Jeff is the seemingly more harmless of the two, in that he is on the autism spectrum, and seems more to be living in his own dream world than present a safety risk to Tiffany. Kelly, however, shows signs of possible mental illness, referenced by jealously exhibited towards Jeff, and several things said during the course of the film which most people would consider at least slightly unnerving. I would be worried for Tiffany's safety in the lone company of Kelly.I came away from this film with a feeling of uneasiness and a new understanding for stars who have to endure stalkers.

I THINK WE'RE ALONE NOW chronicles two over-obsessed Tiffany fans, who's sole purpose in life (or one of the top three life goals, according to one fan) is to marry the burnt-out pop singer.I saw the film several days ago and I've already heard some criticism on the Slamdance grapevine. Several fellow filmmakers seem to think the documentary does less documenting and more exploiting of these two individuals. While I agree the film doesn't necessarily portray them in a positive light, I don't think they themselves portray themselves positively either--at least in the "normal" mainstream light.Jeff Turner, a victim of Asperger syndrome, is a likable enough guy and I'd totally hang out with him because he's a vessel of knowledge. However, most of this knowledge is dedicated to his pseudo-relationship with Tiffany. He's taken great steps and read many books in an attempt to justify his idea that Tiffany loves him as much as he "loves" her. For example, Tiffany's appearance in Playboy was apparently a silent gesture of love for Jeff.Towards the end of the documentary, we learn that he's begun a similar fascination with Alyssa Milano. He even thinks she's gone back in time in order to prevent his relationship with Tiffany! Jeff's innocuous attitude and gentle perspective on life really persuades the viewer to fall in love. He's kooky and fascinating and I really adore him and it's the opinion of this reviewer, that he's portrayed fairly and accurately.Kelly McCormick, however, is really where I believe all the controversy lies. A hermaphrodite, Kelly already has to deal with a great deal of persecution already. She (I say "she" because Kelly's ultimate desire is to fully become a woman) too believes she's destined to be with Tiffany, but for a very different reason. After a bicycle accident that left her in a coma, she claims she had a vision of a woman who looked just like Tiffany (even though she'd never seen the pop star, nor heard of her) surrounded by a white light and all the other normal comatose visions people claim to have. This vision has thrown her into a tailspin of mental anguish and depression every day she's not with her love. At one point she really breaks down and while I did not feel it was appropriate to laugh as some did, it did disturb me a great deal.A documentary, in order to stay true to its form, must be unbiased and objective about its subject(s). In this case, the documentarian, Sean Donnelly (this is his first feature film), does just that. He shows these people for who they are and they're more than happy to display themselves. Whether you like them or not, or feel sorry or pity for them, the fact of the matter remains: this documentary is a) true to its form and b) interesting.