"Are you a cop? Why? You ask questions like a cop. How's that? Like you're not really interested in the answer, but the way I answer. I'm a cop. No kidding. You're on a stakeout? I was gonna hop a train. Changed your mind? Missed my train.""Hotel Noir" takes place in the infamous 50s. The years of glitter and glamour with its jazzy mood. When men walked around like Humphrey Bogart and every woman seemed to be a diva. Those were the days that lightning a cigarette wasn't associated with a deadly disease, but with fun and sensuality. The time in which a microphone looked like a significantly over-sized toaster and women wore bras as if sophisticated cruise missiles were hidden in it. The same wigwam-shaped things Madonna became famous with, many years later. Men and women had conversation as if they were performing in a stage play with rapid dialogue lines which sounded shrewd and ingenious. It was the Charleston time and the time the mafia ruled with Dick Tracy-like gangsters.Unfortunately this rather old-fashioned-feeling film reminded me of the dull theater shows I had to watch when I went to high school. At the beginning I still had this hopeful thought that this could be a pretty entertaining movie. And this because of the fact that they managed to convince a few well-known actors to cooperate, such as Dany Devito, Rufus "I'll follow you down" Sewell, Rosario "Trance" Dawson and Carla "San Andreas" Gugino. But despite the well-known cast, the film felt like a third-rate detective novel in which the relationships between the protagonists revealed themselves painfully slow. And the stories are intertwined such as the spaghetti in a Spaghetti Bolognaise.And that's also the biggest drawback of this film. The complexity and quantity of twists made it a really hard to follow film. It all feels cheap and minimalistic as well. Both in terms of story as scenography. I bet the limited budget, this movie was made with, probably has something to do with that. And it's not really intriguing or exciting at all. The conversation between Felix (Rufus Sewell) and Hanna Click (Carla Gugino) is the most fascinating part of the whole movie. A series of short questions and answers the two protagonists are shooting at each other. Amazingly shrewd sometimes. But ultimately it's still nothing more than a colorless film, trying to emulate a similar film from a successful era in film history. A game of Cluedo was more exciting in those days.More reviews here : http://bit.ly/1KIdQMT

I watched this carefully and noted the comments from other reviewers, and I wanted to find something to disagree with them so I could offer a more balanced opinion. I think it's important to have a wide variety of opinions from different people so that you are left with a much more accurate impression of what the movie is about. However I failed, there's no saving graces, it's rubbish. It is in fact an anachronism and I suspect Danny DeVito signed up to it as he simply doesn't get parts anymore so he'll grasp at anything. More than likely Malin Ackerman did the same, she realises she's out in the cold and wants to come back in but can't grasp that she can't act. Robert Forster is the only saving grace of this film, he's consistently excellent and believable but his role was so small that he did nothing to lift the movie. Don't waste you time, I'd rather do housework than watch it again.

there are several key ingredients present here, which could have potentially yielded great results, but unfortunately a lack of aim and some grave casting errors doom this flick to mediocrity.first the good: the picture looks great, especially considering the budget. solid but not exceptional camera-work. malin akerman, Danny devito, Carla gugino and especially Robert foster look and sound great and are just right for their parts. their efforts keep the rating at slightly above average.the bad: the dialogue has no feel for the time period. it is full of phrases and expressions that don't feel right for the time. Rosario Dawson and Kevin connolly are completely miscast. especially connolly sounds and looks like this could be some sort of shrooms-induced "entourage" dream-sequence. his appearance immediately made me think of Tobey maguire in "the good German" who also stuck out like a sore thumb in that cast. Rufus sewell at least looks right for the part but his voice and accent do not.even though the flick is coming in at a rather reasonable 97 minutes, these crawl by and during the Nth musical number that goes on for far too long you can't help checking your watch.(mild spoilers) the 'joke' ending and the aimlessly wandering plot add to the somewhat unsatisfying experience.

Those familiar with writer/ director Sebastian Gutierrez work know that probably the best thing about his films are the actors in them. This one contains his Carla Gugino, who has seemingly been in most of his films; Rosario Dawson; Danny DeVito; Michael B. Jordan, in a small role; and actress Malin Akerman. Combined, I wouldn't say this film is as interesting as previous efforts like Girl Walks Into a Bar or even the Elektra Luxx series, but more so Gutierrez experimenting with his style.Characters & StoryThe featured characters of the film include Felix (played by Rufus Sewell) who is a cop who fell in love with the film's damsel in distress Mary (played by Malin Akerman); and they share the focus of the film with Eugene (played by Danny DeVito) a traveling shower door salesman; Hannah (played by Carla Gugino) a touring lounge singer; Sevilla (played by Rosario Dawson) the hotel's maid, and seemingly a prostitute; and the last person worth mentioning is Felix's partner Jim (played by Robert Forster) a man who you don't really take note of at first, but ends up waking Felix from his dream.As for the story as a whole, the main story deals with Hannah speaking with Felix who talks about the last few days, weeks, or perhaps months, of his life. He fell in love with a dancer named Mary, a girl caught up with some bad people, who he has sacrificed a lot for, and is willing to sacrifice whatever it takes to have a happy ending for. Meanwhile, Hannah has her own issues with a crappy man in her life who has a complex about the way Felix looks at her, and seems to go to Sevilla in order to work out his frustrations. Leading to an film which at first seems like a big disjointed mess, but eventually all stories find a way to meet and make it so that the knot it untied and everything ends making sense.Praise When it comes to Hotel Noir, I must admit that it doesn't have a lot of things which stand out worth praising. I will admit that I was glad to see Carla Gugino in something, and she does an alright job as Hannah, but even though she probably was the best in the film, it wasn't saying much. One thing though, which I will admit was good about the film is that somewhere within the 2nd half, after introductions and tedious dialog, it somehow became interesting.CriticismBut there lies the problem. Though not as pretentious as The Counselor, when it comes to dialog, it can get just as boring at times. Being that this is a crime drama, Gutierrez doesn't employ his usual humor and dialog and tries to make things a bit more serious to fit the tone, due to this, the film for the first half feels a bit like a drag. I attribute this mostly because Gugino and Sewell just don't make the best of scene partners, and while Sewell has the look for a noir film star, he doesn't have the charisma to really draw you in and make you care, nor does his love interest Akerman.Perhaps, another issue worth noting, is that the story isn't really the most appealing either. For anyone who has taken a basic film study course, with a focus on genres, it seems the focus of the film was just checking off what are the requirements to call your film a noir. Make it in Black & White: Check; have a cop: check; make sure to have a damsel in distress: check; make sure to include backstabbing: check; and it seems once those elements were met, those involved just winged the rest of it.Overall: TV ViewingIf this so happens to come on TV, or hopefully online like Girl Walks Into A Bar, I would say it would be worth watching. Is it the best thing I've ever seen? Far from it, but it is good enough for a lazy Sunday, or just background noise for a nap. The music is easy on the ears, and there is, sadly, only a few bits of action which could probably wake you up. Otherwise, the story is dull enough to not make you feel like you are missing anything and, after watching it straight through, I can definitely say that unless you are a fan of someone involved, skipping this movie altogether isn't the hugest of losses.