Bad, bad, bad. Not even the good kind of bad either. You can look at most any Ed Wood project and say "That movie was terrible, but it had heart" but, not this one. It was on life-support, bloated, pumped full of morphine and waiting to die.Don't get me wrong, I love terrible cinema (Plan 9 From Outer Space) is part of my movie collection, but there's no excuse for this one. The sadder thing is that I regrettably paid a $1.99 to watch it on the 'Classics On-Demand' channel. That's 90 minutes I'll never get back.Anyway, the storyline. It opens with some 'vampires' preying on hapless victims in LA? New York? Who knows. The vampires are clad in 60's era chic attire, lurking in the darkness to unleash their plastic-toothed evil upon the world.Jump ahead... Scientists? from earth are traveling to a far-off planet and after a run-in with an unknown energy force end up making an emergency landing on a planet replete with cavemen, tinted cut scenes and lizards wearing latex appliances. Come to find out, this is apparently the home world to the vampires on earth. Whoopee.After seeing John Carradine's excellent performance in 'The Grapes of Wrath' and then in this dreck (and apparently many other titles in the genre), it makes one think that someone was really hard up for a paycheck. Sad, truly, truly sad and almost heartbreaking. It made me think of Lugosi at the end of his career. Who knows, maybe he actually enjoyed working, no matter how crappy the project was.Anyway, the cast and acting were as cardboard as the scenery. The irritating 'tinting' of the scenes (which allowed the insertion of clips from other awful movies) was a distraction. Overall, in my Top 10 of the worst movies I have ever seen. A must miss at any price.

Huh?What?Vampire cavemen? Sex replaced by flashing multi-colored light bulbs? Guys in dinosaur suits? A film half made of stock footage?This isn't just bad, it's inexplicably bad. DO NOT WATCH THIS ALONE. Make sure to have a friend or two with whom you can swap wisecracks about this... this... HORROR OF THE BLOOD MONSTERS.The end of this movie has nothing to do with the beginning. The middle has nothing to do with the end or the beginning. Not only does this planet change colors, but apparently at least one woman on it manages to change races, switching periodically back and forth between Filipino and Caucasian.And remember, kids, the red radiation is the most dangerous to human life. Here, let me demonstrate with this spectrum gun.WHAT THE HELL??????

What I liked most about this crazy movie is the late great Brother Theodore's manic narration of the intro. He did an even better job narrating the film's trailer. It makes me wish that more directors would have hired this insane genius and just let him cut loose. The infrequency of Theodore's screen appearances seemed to have been his own choice. There were plans to cast him as Dracula in Al Adamson's "Dracula vs. Frankenstein" (THAT would have been something to see!), but apparently Theodore wasn't comfortable doing material that was written by somebody other than himself. Anyway; the rest of the film was pretty cool, too. The experience of watching it is kind of like channel surfing when every station is showing a cheap science fiction film at the same time. If the way the plot is going isn't to your liking, don't worry. It'll change in a minute. The lobster man was my favorite. I also liked the stock footage from Hal Roach's "One Million B.C." Seeing the spaceship model from Roger Corman's "War of the Satellites" was a surprise. I guess special effects man David Hewitt must have kept it in his basement all those years. There was also the voice of the talented Paul Frees in a few spots. While it's true that the producers of this film were shamelessly padding an obscure foreign film into something (they thought) was releasable(and re-releasable under many other titles), they did it in an entertaining and hilarious way.

I don't care how many people voted this movie a "1" out of 10, this movie is pure entertainment! There aren't very many painful moments, lots of great, fun scenes, and of course, the Adamson trademark of "cut and paste filmmaking"."Vampire Men of the Lost Planet" (the video title) is a bizarre combination of horror and science fiction. The opening scenes include vampires attacking people in dark alleyways and actually manage to conjure up some atmosphere before ruining it by displaying obviously fake vampire fangs and dabs of blood on necks. Watch for Adamson himself as a vampire (with plastered back hair)! Now for the real movie...or at least Adamson's part of the movie: a team of astronauts are sent to a far-off planet that is believed to have sent the vampire virus to Earth to discover how to destroy them! Of course, by the end of the movie, the mission is forgotten and presumably the vampire epidemic is still running rampant, but what comes in-between is loads of fun! What follows is a mix of Adamson's footage (the astronauts and their cavegirl guide) and a Filipino caveman movie that is surprisingly well-made. The monsters are all in the Filipino movie and are inventive, to say the least. There are great scenes of warring cave tribes, vicious cave women who fight off their attackers, snake men with snakes protruding from their skin, lobster monsters eating cavemen as they cross a lake, and a simple plotline about the warring tribes venturing to get "fire water" (oil) in a valley. John Carradine is along for the ride, but never leaves the spaceship! Vicki Volante and Robert Dix play two lovers working at the launching pad. To make matters worse (better?), most of the film is tinted a certain color, changing every few minutes (the explanation is that the planet's atmosphere has varying levels of radiation). The reason for the tinting: Adamson's footage was in color and the Filipino monster movie in B&W.Al Adamson. What an original! His films will always remain fun to watch for generations, even if small-minded people look for something else beneath the cheap surface. There isn't, so just sit back and enjoy them!