1973's "Horror Hospital" is never as amusing as it would like to be, a script full of witty asides, just not enough incident and too much padding to kill an hour and a half. The great Michael Gough does get one of his rare starring roles (usually in low budget horror), as resident mad scientist Dr. Christian Storm, whose 'hospital' is located at a huge country estate guarded by motorcycling hoodlums, a former brothel madam, and a dwarf caretaker (Skip Martin), who effortlessly steals his scenes (watch out for the car that gets a head of yours!). Into this outré menagerie come Jason (Robin Askwith) and Judy (Vanessa Shaw), ostensibly for a holiday, which lasts approximately five seconds before they realize something strange is going on. One tends to wait patiently for the next amusing line as one attempted escape after another is predictably foiled; meanwhile, Gough's relatively restrained (for him) deadpan works wonders when he finally enters a half hour in, relishing his sexual power over his mindless, beautiful subjects. Director Antony Balch harkened back to Bela Lugosi and Angelo Rossitto in fashioning the scenario, particularly 1942's "The Corpse Vanishes." In his next-to-last role, genre veteran Dennis Price is reduced to playing a camp travel agent, appreciatively eyeing Jason's crotch, but does enjoy one priceless moment in a 'mirror mirror on the wall' routine. In what turned out to be her very last role, Vanessa Shaw is never less than appealing, but fades into the background halfway through. What really drags it down is the appalling Robin Askwith (coming off like a poor man's Nicky Henson), still a year away from his successful quartet of "Confessions" features, where a bevy of luscious Hammer starlets such as Linda Hayden assured their immortality by disrobing for the camera.

"Horror Hospital" is a great deal of fun, and worthy viewing for horror fans who can appreciate high camp. It's macabre, to be sure, but it's clearly never meant to be taken that seriously.Robin Askwith of various "Confessions" films plays Jason Jones, who's kicked out of a rock group and decides that he needs some R & R. At the suggestion of a friend, he checks out an outfit named "Hairy Holidays" (!), who offer as an option a trip to a health spa / country manor. Unfortunately a lot of ghoulish stuff goes down at this place, and it's all supervised by the demented Dr. Storm (Michael Gough). Accompanying Jason is new acquaintance Judy Peters (Vanessa Shaw), who's trying to connect with her Aunt Harris (Ellen Pollock), who works with the bad doctor. Also along for the ride are put upon dwarf Frederick (Skip Martin) and Abraham (Kurt Christian), who shows up at the place while "looking for his chick".With all of the elements thrown into this bloody brew, it would be hard NOT to have a good time with it. We get zombies (or, rather, people who've been rendered zombie-like), nefarious "bike boy" henchmen, a lethal and nifty decapitating limousine, and a mysterious pulpy monster hanging around the premises. The movie just gets right down to business and delivers some pretty priceless moments. It never really goes for credibility - who wouldn't want to leave a place the moment they saw a bloody bed? - instead opting for off the wall horror movie theatrics. It's just a hoot.And much of the cast does a fine job of playing things straight, with the exception of the delightful Mr. Gough, playing his villain with lip smacking gusto, and the hilarious Martin, who has one GREAT sequence where he has his work cut out for him as he tries to unlock a cell door. Askwith is lively and engaging, Shaw makes for a very appealing and attractive bird, and Christian has the best entrance in the film, as his first appearance is underscored by a peppy musical theme that he seems to be able to hear!The library music used for the score is thunderous stuff, while the rock song heard near the beginning is a riot. Decent doses of gore also help to spice things up, and things really get cooking for the climactic action.All in all, this comes recommended to genre buffs, and is truly deserving of more recognition.Seven out of 10.

What a wonderful surprise! Michael Gough as a mad doctor (with a few sick, disgusting and sexually perverted secrets) turning innocent people into lobotomized zombies on his holiday resort/experimental clinic/castle. Leading lady Vanessa Shaw generously showing total nudeness in a shower (aw, she's got such a sexy little belly) and in a bed while fooling around with Robin Askwith. A slick looking black Rolls Royce with the ability to decapitate victims while running for their lives (come on, you just gotta love that), a servant-dwarf turning into an unexpected hero, motorcycle guards that like to beat up Robin Askwith just for fun,... and I must be forgetting a zillion other things this little British shocker has going for it. Why it all worked so well, is because director/writer Antony Balch doesn't take it all too seriously, inserting some absurdities in the story and just not holding back on anything, really. And I didn't expect the acting to be as decent as it was, in an early 70's schlocky picture of this type. Pretty strange thing to say, come to think of it. Who'd care about acting in a film like this?

Horror Hospital is far too silly to be taken seriously, but that's what makes the film so good! The film throws in one illogical sequence after another, and if you tried to account for all the events in the movie and make sense of them; you'd be completely wasting your time. In fact, if you're watching this film you are, in fact, wasting your time, but the film makes up for this by being lots of fun and this ensures that it's always delightful. The film clearly knows that it's trash rather than a serious horror film, and this is shown throughout by the tongue-in-cheek mood that runs through it. The filmmakers clearly couldn't keep a straight face while making this film and that translates onto the screen. The ridiculous plot follows the insane Dr Storm and his "heath farm". After travelling there for a holiday and meeting a young lady on her way to see her aunt (who works at the "health farm"), a British man named Jason finds that his holiday might not be going as planned, and once he finds out that the not-so-good doctor is conducting experiments into making zombies; Jason, the girl and some other bloke that turns up must make a bid for freedom! When it comes to bad movie-making, this film has it all; a terrible script, duff cinematography, useless actors delivering stupid performances, daft music, a clichéd, rip-off ridden and implausible plot and the list goes on.... yet, somehow, it all moulds together into something very watchable. I think another reviewer summed it up best when he talked about the hilarious sequence that sees the utterly superfluous character, Abraham, introduced into the film. I actually had to rewind that part of the film about five times just to fully take in how amazingly stupid it is. The film is full of moments like that, and that's why this piece of trash appeals much more than the standard trash that was produced en mass in the seventies. Michael Gough helps to make this film a winner with his delightfully over the top camp performance as the 'evil' Dr Storm. You can always count on Gough to overact and make himself look silly, and that's exactly what he does here. On the whole, if you like your movies to be serious; you wont get an ounce of enjoyment out of Horror Hospital. But if you like them to be stupid and camp - prepare for a truly GREAT ride!