Yet another addition to the canon. If Hollywood is to be believed, then Central and Eastern Europe consists of 1) smoking hot women who are intent on marrying, or are married to, American males, 2) smoking hot women who are prostitutes, 3) gangsters, 4) little girls with flaxen braids who like to prepare homecooked bread and 5) people heavily invested in Christmas fairs or shopping.Representatives of all categories can be found within the borders of Central and Eastern Europe, but it's pretty lazy (and pretty racist) to suggest that they make up the whole of the population. Unpleasant assertions about inoffensive citizens aside : this is a remarkably undercooked VROAR VROAR VROOM vroom crash crash plot holes large enough to drive an elephant through CRASH bang bang VRRRROAR. Vroom wish fulfilment ROAR ROOR RRRRomm vroom boing boingggg for adolescent males who like primary colors and explosions rhha rhaaaa rhhhaaaa a solid wall of noise VROOM vromm VROOM VROOM. It's an ode to reckless driving, road rage and speed crassssssssh crasssh crrrash CRASH, thinly disguised as ROAR RRROAR roar car crashes galore VROOM a lot of waste VROOM BOING BOINGGGG vroom vroom vroommm textbook conspicious consumption. VRRROOM vroom vroom VROAR ding ding dingeling BADOING BADOING to the point where you can't hear yourself think. That's precisely why they do it.

Getaway (2013): Dir: Courtney Solomon / Cast: Ethan Hawke, Selena Gomez, Jon Voight, Rebecca Budig, Paul Freeman: The title is exactly what audiences should do within ten minutes of this junk heap action garbage. Ethan Hawke plays a washed out race car driver whose wife is kidnapped. He is phoned by the villain and instructed to steal an armor car in a parking garage that is infested with cameras where his movements are seen at all times. Selena Gomez plays a car jacker until she informs Hawke that this is her car. He is instructed by the computerized voice phone to not allow her to leave. This simplistic plot setup is followed by one constant chase throughout busy city streets where so many police cars are smashed to hell that the Blues Brothers would be envious. This is pure garbage and director Courtney Solomon manages to make a film that is as bad as his horrible Dungeons and Dragons film. Why he conceals Jon Voight as the villain and then reveal some thug we have never seen previous is a brain tease. Voight is only seen briefly but for whatever it is worth his voice is subdued in stupid dialogue. Hawke does what he can with the flat role. He is eventually instructed to steal money, as if that is a surprise. Gomez was wonderful in Spring Breakers but she is totally unbelievable as this nerdy brat. Rebecca Budig as Hawke's wife spends her scenes whining into a camera. Paul Freeman is listed as a guy who plays a character named The Man. Let us try not to laugh. The crash action is well produced but unfortunately this film deserves to be run over by every person who owns a vehicle. Score: 1 / 10

A decent turn from Hawke, a few unintentional laughs, and an admittedly good point-of-view chase at the end are all this turkey has going for it. His wife kidnapped by ... someone vaguely explained, Ethan Hawke steals a car, gets stuck with Selena Gomez, and follows the driving instructions given to him by the mysterious voice on the phone. Cars crash, things blow up, and Selena whines and complains and shouts profanities endlessly, in her nasally sounding voice.Selena (who looks like a cross between a Bobblehead doll and a 15 year old brat kid) was grotesquely miscast in the co-lead role. She obviously is trying to move on to more mature roles, and there is nothing wrong with that, but her character here is a just nitwit rich kid trying to act tough, while throwing a tantrum and shouting profanities. Not much of a stretch there. She is too annoying for this to be "so bad it's good", but Ethan Hawke can't carry this poorly photographed (with dash-cams and the like) chase flick/ road movie/ buddy movie/ wannabe suspense flick.Only Hawke's character, and his wife are ever even given names, which makes this even more difficult to get involved with.A rare movie, in which the title is the filmmakers' command to the audience.

This has to be one of the worst movies from 2013. It's barely 90 minutes, but it felt like an eternity. Basically, the movie is just one long chase scene with a few breaks for pointless dialogue. There is no depth to the characters and the story is really lame. Ethan Hawke plays a former race car driver who has to steal a car and follow instructions from a mostly unseen villain in order to save his wife. Throw Selena Gomez into the mix, who may or may not have something to do with the villain's true motives, and you have a poorly acted, sorry excuse for a "film". The central gimmick of the movie is that the car is fitted with a bunch of cameras, which means that you get a bunch of weird camera angles and HD video-looking (read: poor quality) photography from all sorts of video/surveillance feeds. Not only that, but it's edited very haphazardly (shots are never held for more than a couple of seconds) and the space in which the action takes place is never clearly defined. Then there's the villains, which are your standard cliché Eastern European villains, the chief one played by Jon Voight and whose face is never shown in its entirety (ashamed, maybe?). Not only that, but this movie was shot on the cheap in Bulgaria, and it shows. Overall, there's nothing at all good about this film, save for a single song: Jingle Bell Rock (for some inexplicable reason, this movie takes place during Christmas, although I distinctly remember this movie coming out in the fall). For those of you who remember, Jingle Bell Rock was used as the opening song to LETHAL WEAPON, which was produced by Joel Silver (and who also produced this dud, so maybe he ripped himself off). Obviously, a single soundtrack cut isn't enough to warrant watching a movie, so your best option would be to "Getaway" from this at all costs.