Stuck for something to help the Yellowtail go down (although it goes down quite well anyway) we selected 'Empire of the Ants' on Amazon. Two things told us it was not going to be a riveting experience: it was made in 1977 and its big star was Joan Collins. Still, we'd paid the not inconsiderable sum of £3.99 and we were going to stick with it. Apparently a spill of nuclear waste has caused ants to grow to alarming proportions, and they get their mandibles stuck into a group of no-hopers, con-men and assorted make-weights as they tour an isolated island looking to buy real estate. It's pretty poor stuff all round, with many of the actors (including Ms Collins) apparently saying whatever the script says without bothering to understand or mean it. We turned to each other as the final credits rolled and uttered words that cannot be used on this fine forum. Be warned. If you want a much, much better giant ant film, the 1950's THEM is the one to beat. I was going to say '...despite the crude effects', but it seems nothing had improved during the 20 years between that film and this one.

Bert I. Gordon is one of the leading purveyors of quality "bad" entertainment and - other than his dodgy and unpredictable '80s offerings, which ranged from time travel stories to softcore pornography - you can always guarantee that you're going to get some laughable back-projected menace fighting mankind somewhere in all of his movies. EMPIRE OF THE ANTS is no exception, a middling '70s-style "nature revolts" shocker in which ants grow huge and menace mankind, not by radiation as the '50s would have it, but instead by toxic pollution. Quite why what looks like a barrel of mercury would cause ants to mutate is beyond me but hey, who's watching for the storyline anyway? The predictable, action-orientated narrative is merely an excuse to get a B-movie bunch of expendables trapped in an isolated location and picked off one by one by the menacing insects.The cast is an amusing one, presided over by daytime TV queen Joan Collins in one of her last no-budget exploitation quickies before going on to better (or worse, in the trash fan's opinion) things. Collins is playing a greedy and ruthless developer with a cold heart, and her fate is always sealed. The rest of the party consist of a creepy would-be rapist who runs away after watching a friend die in need (no prizes for guessing what's in store for HIM), an elderly couple who take refuge in an outhouse (!) only to emerge and find the place literally swarming with mutant bug life - a hilarious moment here - a young couple with good looks and the grizzled, earring-sporting salty sea dog whose own boat explodes in a sudden and surprising display of pyrotechnical ineptitude.The ants themselves are rather disappointing, especially considering that the same piece of stock footage is used over and over again for the poorly-done back projected scenes, which look even worse in colour than Bert's cheapie black-and-white movies of the '50s. The moments in close-up with the model heads are also cringe-worthy and a few splashes of blood here and there don't provide much of a gore content. The film quickly becomes predictable and inane, with our characters running from one situation to the next and doing so many stupid, clichéd things, like running off on their own to provide the next human snack, that the whole affair is best treated as a comedy rather than a would-be serious horror film. But perhaps Bert had his tongue in cheek all along? It's difficult to say, but as a so-bad-it's-good film viewing experience this takes some beating.The film claims to be based on an original story by H. G. Wells. Having not read the original tale in question I can't say how closely it sticks to the story, but my obvious guess is that it doesn't, not by a long shot. In fact the only time it looks to break from the man-vs-nature fight/flight is during the silly climax, in which it transpires that the queen ant is attempting to control mankind with a laughable conspiracy-style angle to the proceedings. The low budget is always evident throughout, no matter how much Gordon will go to try and disguise it, yet the director's enthusiasm for his movie makes it enjoyable, if tacky, viewing - much like the rest of his offerings.

Bert I. Gordon, who specialized in Sci-Fi exploitation film in the '50's, returns to the genre to direct this adaptation of the H.G. Welles story about giant mutated ants who infest an island in the Florida Everglades that a scam real estate artist(played by a profoundly embarrassed looking Joan Collins) is trying to sell to an unfortunate group of buyers. Even after the survivors escape to a nearby town, they find that it too is part of their empire...You would think that 23 years after the classic film "Them!", improvements to ant F/X would have taken place, but not here, in this utterly inept, shoddily produced and directed farrago, that is, if anything, unintentionally funny, yet still violent. Robert Lansing in particular looks grumpy, and Joan Collins famously trashed this stupid film, which was a weekday afternoon favorite for years!

If all you knew of this film was it's title and what it is about, you'd probably expect it to be just another cheesy B-movie. However, I think it has qualities that sets it apart from other B-movies. It actually has an interesting story, characters with a lot of depth, good acting, and great looking filming locations. All of the characters in this movie are fascinating. They feel like real people rather than just cardboard props that exist simply to be killed. The actors and actresses who play the characters are wonderful as well. Joan Collins, Pamela Susan Shoop, and John David Carson particularly stand out. They bring a certain quality to their characters that makes you like them. The story also has an interesting premise. It is somewhat similar to the movie Them!, but has just enough of Bert I. Gordon's charm that you can easily distinguish the two. I will admit, the giant ants don't look very realistic. But unless you grab a large group of giant ants, find a way to enlarge them drastically, and then train them to act, there's no way they could ever look completely authentic so the effects don't bother me. I don't watch films for how good their effects are anyways. I watch them for an interesting story with fascinating characters and I feel this film has both of those qualities. I won't go as far to say this film is the biggest masterpiece of all time, but I believe it is well written, well acted, and highly entertaining. That's all I ask for in a film. Don't let any bad reviews discourage you from seeing this film because you will be missing a charming, fascinating movie. This is an underrated film and doesn't get enough credit for how good it truly is.