...are no guarantee that a film will be any good. Seriously. I just saw Joe D'Amato's "Emanuelle and the Last Cannibals" and... meh, I didn't like it. And I should've known this was going to happen. I've never been too keen on sleazoid-maestro D'Amato as a director and I think Laura Gemser's sexiness is severely overrated. She's just not all that gorgeous. It's probably her exotic looks that work wonders with many men.However, if you think Italian cannibal flicks could use more sleazy nudity & sex, then this one's probably all for you. The film starts of with a nurse who has her breast bitten off and then proceeds with a scene where Laura Gemser starts fingering a female patient. Way to go, D'Amato! That's bound to get anybody's interest, even lesbian feminist viewers.But frankly, the rest of the film just annoyed me. We got sex in the city. Then sex in the jungle. Then some more nudity. Then some more sex. Then some gore. Some sex. More gore. And more nudity & gore. Then Laura Gemser reflecting on some profound inner thoughts in a boat and... The End.Emanuelle and the Last Cannibals is absolute smut. Ultra-sleazy exploitation trash filled with uninteresting soft-core sex and cheap gore. Naked females and dirty cannibals in a jungle. And fake blood & guts. And a monkey smoking a cigarette. And bush of The Gemstress. Sounds good to you? Go ahead and watch it. But don't say I recommended it.There. I just felt like sharing how I didn't like this film. But I got what I expected from it. In spades. So, given the movie's title, it does deliver the goods. I guess at least it's honest exploitation trash.

Regrettably not the classic that Emanuelle in America is. Regardless it is recommended viewing thanks to the usual D'Amato hijinks. Surprisingly bereft of hardcore material, this so-called horror-porn is more horror-adventure than anything else, with a few softcore scenes to "liven" the proceedings. Most of these are delightfully ridiculous (including a scene where Emanuelle's lover somehow inserts himself with removing or even unzipping his trousers), the least disturbing gang rape ever (actually, it's just kind of pathetic), and a scene where one character discovers to his dismay that sleep is the least effective roofie. This also has some surprisingly strong gore (strong for D'Amato anyway...after the horrible effects from Death Smiles at Murder, Antropophagous, and Porno Holocaust anything will look good!), including some unfortunate mammary trauma.As usual Laura Gemser spends much time out of her clothes, and with various sexual partners. Her character is much less impressive this time, however. Sure, she delivers the usual "I'm a free woman" spiel, but doesn't really deliver on it. Whereas in Emanuelle in America she used her body and sexuality almost as a weapon, here it's hardly an issue. She sleeps with Professor Mark Lester (weirdly enough, also the name of Mark Shannon's character in Sesso Nero, minus the title of Professor) and some other random dude, and feels up a couple ladies, but it never really feels like she's in control. It doesn't help that the dubbing in this film is far inferior to Emanuelle in America's. Not quite Female Vampire bad, but maybe halfway there. D'Amato's work is pretty workmanlike this time around. There are some pretty creative sequences littered throughout (I loved the way the sex scene between Emanuelle and Mark was intercut with them leaving for their expedition), but it's not really up there with his best work. His cinematography is likewise bare bones, but does feature some embarrassing errors. There's one scene set in the daytime where the close-ups are almost pitch black! You've also gotta love the way he has his character enthusiastically gawk at some stock footage of alligators.All in all somewhat disappointing compared to the outrageous and audacious Emanuelle in America, but worth viewing for jerks like me to laugh at the insanity of it all. Nico Fidenco (he of Porno Holocaust and Emanuelle in America fame) returns with a decent soundtrack, and Laura Gemser is always a welcome presence. Did I mention that for no reason there's a shot of a monkey smoking a cigarette?

Famously made during the great underwear shortage of 1977, Emmanuelle and the Last Cannibals demonstrates all the concrete rules of softcore films. 1) No two women can be left alone for more than three seconds without touching each other and 2) No woman can be left alone for more than three seconds without indulging in a bit of invisible banjo playing, if you know what I'm saying.Laura Gesmer is Emmanuelle, and we first see her in New York (of course), pretending to be crazy in order to get the scoop on some kinds of going on in a loony bin. After a nurse gets bitten by a patient found in the jungle (or something), Emmanuelle endears herself to the audience by molesting the patient while she's tied to a bed. Works for all journalists! Just ask Alan Wicker! So, barely adequate reason for going to the jungle established, Emmanuelle get her crew together, including a hunky professor (love interest), a young jungle expert (love interest), and a nun. Along the way they hook up with Donald Obrien (vouyer), his wife and a hunky African man. Various couplings, gusset typings, and chugging-in-the-bushes ensues. For the entire first hour.There's cannibals in the title, but where's the cannibals? Well, thankfully, they manage to put in an appearance that saves the film. They waste most of the cast in various ways, sedate one of the girls, and lead us to what is a great exploitation scene, the likes of which Tarantino could never dream of: A naked laura gesmer, firing a pump action shotgun from the back of a speedboat while being pursued by cannibals.I could have done with more action and less scenes of Donald O'Brien grinning while trying to molest people, to be honest, but as cannibal films go, it's not too bad. At least D'Amato doesn't resort to killing animals to pad out his film. Good soundtrack too.

Rating: *** out of **** They really don't make movies like this anymore, and by that I mean we don't see low-budget hybrid adventure/horror flicks with constant gratuitous sex and nudity anymore, making Emanuelle and the Last Cannibals a relic of a time when exploitation cinema was at the height of its popularity. Almost thirty years later, this particular flick rates among the most entertaining of its genre.The film opens in a mental institute, where undercover report Emanuelle (70s sex icon and all-around hottie Laura Gemser) figures she has a lead for a big story on cannibals when a nurse is bitten by one of the patients. Following up an interview with the patient, Emanuelle forms an expedition to the Amazon, where she tags along with an anthropologist, a hunter and his sex-obsessed wife (ultra hottie Nieves Navarro), a nun, and a blonde chick (Monica Zanchi) who really seems to serve no purpose other than showing skin. For the majority of the journey, the most pressing concern is who's going to have sex with who, but they eventually cross paths with a tribe of cannibals who decide on making this particular band of travelers their next meal.I suspect the one audience that will find themselves most disappointed in the film are horror fans expecting a wall-to-wall gorefest. Except for the last ten minutes, there's very little in the way of violence and even then the actual gore effects may prove a letdown. Rather, your enjoyment of the flick rests more on the scenery, the constant nudity, and a low-budget sense of adventure through the jungle. Maybe my standards have gotten lower, but it really was enough to make for an entertaining experience.I admit to being a fan of jungle adventure flicks, if for no other reason than to enjoy the exotic sights and sounds. Emanuelle and the Last Cannibals isn't exactly Temple of Doom in this regard, but it does a sufficient job of using its jungle locations to maximum effect so far as possible for such a low-budget flick. Of course, when the setting is mixed with hot naked women, how can I resist?As Emanuelle, Laura Gemser is a hottie who appears perfectly natural and comfortable with her body, which seems to be the defining trait of her character. Her best moments in the flick include a hot sex scene at a pier, in which despite being clothed we still get great looks at her breasts and bush, and the last ten minutes of the movie, where she strips totally nude to fool the the tribe into thinking she's their water goddess. This actually stands as one of the most creative excuses for nudity I've ever seen and ultimately serves as a great way to cap-off the flick.The other women in this flick are Nieves Navarro and Monica Zanchi. Navarro is an incredibly hot redhead with a fantastic body. She gets in her most memorable moment with a very explicit masturbation scene where she shows us virtually every inch of her body. It's also worth noting she bears a strong resemblance to the gorgeous Rocki Roads. Zanchi pales considerably in comparison to Gemser and Navarro, but she has a fairly good-looking body and contributes to the nudity. Like Gemser, she also spends the last ten minutes of the movie without any clothes on. It is bothersome to note that her character may have gotten impregnated by the tribe but it's an issue never brought up by anyone else at the end.As a horror flick, Emanuelle and the Last Cannibals is pretty much a resounding failure. While there is gore, the film is still otherwise lacking in suspense and action. But the addition of horror elements only serves to make this a very amusing cross-genre experience. If you're into low budget 70s exploitation cinema or just like to see hot naked women traipsing through the jungle, then this is almost undoubtedly a must see flick.