COLOSSUS AND THE AMAZON QUEEN is one of those painful Italian attempts at comedy, made during a time when Bob Hope/Bing Crosby films were the height of fashion, slapstick was considered the pinnacle of humour and sexism was...well, everywhere. While I really wanted to like this movie, I couldn't, and one of the reasons was the absolutely awful American dubbing that makes the whole film irritating (at one point, one of the men refers to the fact that he's a Greek before speaking in a Southern drawl!). It doesn't help that this film has no plot after the first fifteen minutes. A bunch of guys are taken to a remote island where they become the slaves of a female warrior society. Some escape and recaptured, others are put to work mining. There's time for romance, a few fights and lots of the so-called 'comedy'. If seeing somebody trip over on their face is your idea of a belly-laugh then by all means check this out.I half-wondered whether they'd dubbed a serious film into a comedy but the silly acting from the entire cast rules this out. Aside from Rod Taylor and Ed Fury, the two leads, the male cast members are frankly embarrassing. Fury, known for his appearance in the Ursus films, is a stereotypical muscleman, a nice-but-dim hulk who picks up pillars and does strongman stuff every now and then. Taylor supplies more of the comic relief, but this is a huge comedown from the guy who was so great in THE TIME MACHINE. The female cast, aside from Gianna Maria Canale and Dorian Gray, aren't great actresses but they're certainly easy on the eye, so if watching plenty of beautiful women in skin-tight costumes sounds good, then go for it. One thing that made me sad was the realisation that by Hollywood standards of today, all these women would be classed as 'fat' because of their curves. Bring back the old days! I'll admit that the film held my attention initially; the direction isn't as bad as some I've seen. There are some good ingredients in the plot, like the bear fight scene (watch the huge, hulking chained bear transform into a skinny buy in a bear suit!), but other moments, like the pirates vaulting over the castle walls, are ludicrous. The film is also packed with historical inaccuracies; watch as the women joust together (a medieval sport!). All said and done, COLOSSUS AND THE AMAZON QUEEN is definitely a 'bad' film, there's no denying it. Only suckers for cheesy B-movie will get a kick out of the antics on display here.

When leading-man Rod Taylor passed away last year, I remembered his excellent performances in 'The Birds' and 'The Time Machine', and how his charm, good looks and manner could lift very good films such as those to greatness. I was also pleased that for his final role, he got to be in a very fine picture such as 'Inglourious Basterds', playing Winston Churchill--that he was able to end his career on a high-note, which sadly, is the exception rather than the rule. 'Colossus and the Amazon Queen' is an example of where he made an otherwise fun but terrible movie watchable--and that's another fine quality of a gifted thespian. Especially if you are a fan of Taylor's work, the intriguing way that Italian actors made swords-and-sandals' epics ad nauseum from the late-50's to early-60's, when they would become infatuated with the 'spaghetti western', these 94 minutes will be time modestly well-spent.

What do you want from this. We have an hour and a half of mugging for the camera. The characters are tiresome and inconsistent. They struggle to get a laugh. Seeing Rod Taylor prancing around made me sad. After all, he was in "The Birds" and "The Time Machine," among other films. How did he end up in Italy doing this? The whole plot is convoluted, anything-for-a-laugh material. At one point all the men are using clichéd "woman" talk about their cleaning, cooking, and ironing. They talk in an affected (homosexual stereotype) way. Of course, this is badly dubbed so how can we know. The women are one way, then another, and back again. Are they warriors or are they only interested in one thing. There's even a jousting scene. How's that for your Greek standard battle? Eventually, the rules at this time have the men winning out like we knew they would. But they are a bunch of baboons who have no reason to gain anything. And these marvelous warrior women lose all their culture and their strength for these guys. It's about as bad as it gets.

This film is strikingly similar to (and, incredibly, even worse than) Terence Young's THE AMAZONS (1974), which I watched only last month. Rod Taylor, who had just become a star thanks to George Pal's screen version of H.G. Wells' THE TIME MACHINE (1960), unwisely chose to follow it up with this turkey; his performance is embarrassing – especially the lamentable attempts at comedy – and, in fact, comes off like a cut-rate Tony Curtis! Likewise, Ed Fury makes very little impression as the proverbial muscleman (and, presumably, the Colossus of the title – though his character is actually named Glauco, even in the English-dubbed version!).As for the women, here we have: a rather unattractively made-up Dorian Gray (a regular fixture of Toto' comedies, though she also appeared in one film apiece by Fellini and Antonioni!); Daniela Rocca (best known as the mousy wife Marcello Mastroianni wants to get rid of in Pietro Germi's DIVORCE – Italian STYLE [1961]), whose character is constantly falling flat on her face for no apparent reason!; and Gianna Maria Canale (who appeared in countless sword-and-sandal titles but also starred in the first Italian horror film, I VAMPIRI [1956], co-directed by Riccardo Freda and Mario Bava), who's been saddled with the rather thankless role of the Amazon Queen who must fulfill her destiny by remaining a spinster! Truly, this has to be one of the worst films ever - which prompted director Bertrand Tavernier, then a film critic, to call it "one of the funniest of Italian comedies"! - which, from the very first shot (in which a trumpeter loses his grip on his instrument!), gives you an idea of the clumsiness you are about to witness – with the inappropriate 'modern' score (including the dance routines that are a cross between Busby Berkeley and WEST SIDE STORY [1961]!) and the hilarious dubbing (particularly during the one scene where Tiberio Murgia, so memorable as Claudia Cardinale's jealous elder brother in BIG DEAL ON MADONNA STREET [1958], appears) featuring prominently among its highlights…er…lowpoints!