When the title came up on the screen, it actually had an exclamation point after it... CENTIPEDE! Like a musical. Come to think of it, this movie might have been better if it had a couple of snappy musical numbers in it. It makes you wonder if they were going for that self-referencing Sci-Fi PG-13 funny/scary movie thing that Blue Devil, Monster Island and Bite Me! have captured so effectively. A bunch of spelunkers go to India to explore a creepy cave before one of them goes off to get married. Like a bachelor party in a cave or something like that. They are attacked by giant latex centipede puppets. The end. Not much to recommend here, boils and ghouls, except for one truly bizarre moment. So, this Indian guide leads our heroes down into the cave, and they all decide to have a party while their in the bowels of the earth. We find out through some really unsubtle exposition that the soon-to-be-married guy used to have a thing with one of the other girls on the trip. There's supposed sexual tension between them as they try to ignore each other. I guess this girl was supposed to be sultry and sexy and mysterious. I thought she was kinda Plain Jane, but maybe the director was dating her or something. We'll call her CC (Casting Couch) for short, because I can't remember her character's name.While they're all partying down in the caves, someone turns on a radio and some of them start dancing. Really awkward, watching all these actors trying to pretend like they are having fun. It's a cringe-fest. But then they all start looking at CC and chanting, "Do the dance. Do the dance." She coyly shakes her head. I was watching it thinking that this must be why they cast her, maybe she can do some freakish thing like wrap her legs around her head and dance like that. So this big build-up around the DANCE, and when she finally gets up and does it... it's like this White Girl Cabbage Patch thing that, quite literally, gave me a stabbing pain in my stomach. It was a NAPOLEON DYNAMITE moment. I watched her do the DANCE like five times in a row. It was crazy. I wanted to vomit. That's why I say maybe they should have kept the exclamation point at the end of the title and made this movie into some weird kind of horror/musical.

I guess it's time all sci-fi/horror/fantasy fans rose up and seized control of the SF Channel. The current directorate is certainly doing such a lousy job that even a committee could do better. I mean, a long line of incredibly foul made-for-TV movies--of which 'Centipede!' is the latest--is NOT the reason I continue to pay 60-some-odd bucks a month for cable. I can hardly wait to see how SFC mangles 'The Wizard of Earthsea'; maybe Ursula K can be our new commissar.Okay, okay, I should know better by now. In all my years of viewing these kind of flicks (damn near a half-century), I've resigned myself to the fact that most of the genre is not going to be 'Lord of the Rings', 'Star Wars' or 'Clockwork Orange'. But is that any excuse to not at least attempt the production values of moderately well-done mainstream movies? You don't need big bucks, just a measure of talent. None here, I'm afraid...or if there was, it was exceptionally well-hidden.Take special effects; they had to be kidding. Were those sock puppets? I've seen more believable animation at a Punch and Judy show.And plot? A bunch of kids celebrate one of their group's pending marriage by going caving in a really deep cavern system, and end up getting eaten by giant centipedes. Oh, yeah; and they got this device that tracks individual transponders ($129.95 at Radio Shack) that each one carries, so that when one of the kids gets noshed, the survivors can--SURPRISE!--actually track the monsters! Hoo-hah! With such clever originality, how could you ask for more?Might as well forget character development, too. This is one of those rare movies where absolutely NO one is sympathetic. I wanted them all--even the native comic-relief, with his politically-incorrect 'funny Indian' accent--to DIE HORRIBLY. Unfortunately, they didn't--die horribly, that is.They just died. And so did the flick.I can say one good thing about 'Centipede!', though; it's over, and I'm not watching it any longer.

I caught this movie really late at night on the Sci-Fi Channel - aka Insomniac Central - which seems to proudly own the rights to every bad movie ever made. If you think their daytime programming is awful, you should check out what they wait until after midnight to air.Movies like this.It was a 120-minute train wreck that I truly couldn't take my eyes off of. I have seriously been witness to one of the worst movies ever made, complete with a cast that, if they play their cards right, might one day graduate to bigger and better roles in amateur porn.It's nothing you haven't seen before - typical giant bug of the day run amok due to irresponsible toxic waste dumping movie (complete with exclamation point) - only worse. It's an anachronism in a way - a throwback to those cheap giant bug creatures of the 50's. Only this one isn't played for camp.It actually takes itself seriously.There is, though, one reason to check this out during one of the 1,265 times that Sci-Fi will re-air it over the next 5 months: 'The Dance' scene must be witnessed to be believed.

Centipede tells the story of a group of adventurers who find themselves trapped inside the Shankali Cavern with a giant centipede lurking and out to kill. When the story begins, the main character, David, is about to marry and give up his adventurous lifestyle. But Jake, his childhood chum, talks him into one last caving expedition in the deep and treacherous Shankali Caverns. David and his trusty friends arrive in India, then enlist a local guide to take them into the underground caverns.By campfire, the Guide offhandedly tells of the mysterious legend of the Shankali Cavern. Intrigued, the group wakes up early the following day and races to the cavern to begin the adventure. But danger lurks in the crevices close by: dark, horrible, grave danger!This film has horrible, villainous creatures that will send chills up your spine! The characters are fresh, the settings are amazing, and the overall feel is outstandingly creepy.Seriously, you've got to check this film out!