This movie has nothing to do with the epic Nordic tale of Beowulf and even less about making good movies. The tale is some kind of hash tossed together with a steampunk sci-fi plot using the names and plot frame from the Beowulf tale. It not only rips bits and pieces from movies like "Highlander" and "Mortal Kombat" but stars Christopher Lambert from both those movies. It was like they wrote parts of the movie after they casted the role of Beowulf. I can almost hear the producer telling the writer, "Hey, we scored Christopher Lambert for the lead. Write in some Mortal Kombat and Highlander lines and clichés!". Ugh, not that it helped or hurt this stinker which I only give 2 stars for Grendel's Mom. Who is basically a babe from Bay Watch and Playboy. This is a good guy movie or something stupid to toss on during a party and you know everyone is going to ignore it.

What. Uh...This movie is so dissociative and messed up that I literally lost a bit of my sanity after it was over. I will never be the same person again. I'm trying to put my finger on what, exactly, is so completely insane about it... It's not just the hilarious techno music, or the "outside of time" medieval/Blade Runner/wild west/Highlander setting, or the weird CGI "Grendel" monster that looks like a man made out of animated sausages, or even the "Grendel's mother" monster, which looks like some Alabama table-dancer who grew claws and tentacles when she stayed in the tanning bed too long. All of those things are weird, but what's really the strangest thing in this movie is the acting. I simply can't explain. This script is obviously, hellishly silly, but the actors exude deadly seriousness through it all. Lambert is always weird, and usually kind of boring, but for this one he's gone into Dolph Lundgrin territory: I can't help but just start laughing every time he talks.I will give this movie some credit for being completely scatter-brained and crazy as opposed to conservative and boring. I'll always take a bizarre disaster of a film over an utterly mediocre one.Warning: if you are planning on watching Christopher Lambert as Beowulf, be prepared to spend several hours thereafter wandering the streets in some kind of nightmarish, hyperactive-catatonic daze. It's true. When I was done with my Beowulf spirit journey, I woke up in the middle of the Siberian tundra in a puddle of blood and milk. There was a dead wolf lying next to me, and I later found I had a handful of human teeth in my shirt pocket. My VHS copy of Beowulf was sitting on a hastily-constructed stone altar nearby, enshrined with candles and wilted flowers. The tape told me to walk. I rose and I walked.

Whoever made the film wanted it to be set up as a Fantasy Movie. I think Christopher Lambert is actually quite talented for an actor. The action in this movie was terrific. It is very much like Blood of Beasts. Unlike most movies, at least mostly everything took place in a castle and not on a battlefield. Most dark age movies tend to be going for the "Battlefield" stage. That is why this movie is unique, plus, the special effects and stunts. There a few technical things that weren't from the dark age, but that's the only thing I didn't like about it. Everything else was good, that's why I give it an 8. I've seen a hell of a lot worse movies, many.

I've read a couple different versions of Beowulf (the lady at the used bookstore couldn't believe I was reading it because I wanted to as opposed to needing to for a class), and I love the story.When I saw that there was going to be a sci fi version of the story, I had high hopes. I thought to myself, "Self, this could be very cool." Sadly, I was very disappointed when I rented the movie and sat down to watch it.As the ending credits rolled by, my only comment was that all involved should commit a ritual suicide in order to atone for their sins. I'm not going to burden you with any further comment. Make your own decision as to whether or not you choose to watch this movie. I wash my hands, and take no responsibility for your actions.Good day.