If some teenage Avatar-obsessed Hollywood lover asks me, whats the big deal? why do you watch that B-grade trash? You know Roger Ebert would never approve. After laughing in their face, I would let them borrow something like Basket Case, or Blood Freak, maybe even an old John Water's flick. If they were really hard to please. I would throw something like Criminally Insane at them. That might cure their Matrix fever. The point being, if I aimed at turning someone on to the splendor of B-cinema, Weasels Rip My Flesh would not enter my mind for a single second. Only as a mean-spirited prank on a fellow fan of the genre would I unleash this embarrassment. This one just about ruins it for me, it makes me want to go watch the entire Lord of the Rings Trilogy in HD. Nathan Schiff and his brand of unintentional spoofs of Z-grade cinema just defeats the purpose of it all. Why don't we all just stop buying movies, we can simply make them ourselves. Apparently anyone can. Movies like this are intended to earn grades, not money, or stars, in this case. Weasels Rip my Flesh is not B-grade, nor is it Z-grade. This home video is not apart of the B-Horror genre I hold so dear. I will never accept the weasels. It's a student film, period. Somehow, Schiff's second student film, Long Island Cannibal Massacre is even worse, mainly because it's longer. As for that other one about not cutting the grass, well, I wouldn't know, what am I, a masochist? As for the one about the weasel's... F.

While it's easy to knock on the paper mache monsters which ooze red gelatin and giblets nicked from a butcher shop's dumpster,keep in mind when viewing this movie Nathan Schiff made this as a high school student during 1979-- the age before digital camera and film editing software.I remember in high school when I tried to make movies that it was pretty hard to plan everything out, and to get people together to participate. I never got as far as Schiff did with "Weasels Rip My Flesh". What I find interesting is that he actually got adults to participate in this film, and his characters had motivation! I'd compare this feel of this movie to something like a Polonia Brothers film, however this of course was made before the digital age by a high school student, and wasn't intentionally made to be bad.The badness of this movie is almost excusable, but still enjoyable because the pace stays at sort of jogging speed throughout the film.I recommend "Weasels Rip My Flesh" to a select type of people, namely those who are fans of low-budget film, who understand a thing or two about movie making, who love to laugh, and who love drinking beer in the company of like minded people.

Quite possibly the worst movie ever made. EVER. Seriously. Well into the negative stars for worst plot, worst acting, worst monster, worst special effects, worst mad scientist, worst illicit laboratory, worst secret agents, and worst accents--New Yawk positively dripped from each syllable. Okay, maybe Joisey, too. Overall, I'd have to say that if a dozen mentally-deficient eight-year-olds on a terminal sugar-and-Ritalin binge had made "Weasels Rip My Flesh (more accurately, "Movie Ate 75 Minutes of My Life") with some WWII vintage 8mm film, a pile of butcher-shop leavings and a buck ninety-five, it couldn't have been worse. Ed Wood would have shot himself if he had been connected to this gobbler. It was made as a joke? Sorry, but it flopped. Whatever else you may do in your life, MISS THIS. Don't even watch it for a MST3K fest unless you have plenty of mind-altering substances available and a group of 'bots with absolutely no self-respect or taste whatsoever. Bad. Bad bad bad bad bad BAD. I won't even mention the blatant rip-off of the end-theme from "One Step Beyond". Okay, so I did. So sue me...JUST DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE. You have been warned. I disavow any further responsibility.

So, you're thinking of watching Weasels Rip My Flesh, are you? Well, ask yourself this - how much pain can you take, bucko? 'Cause this ain't no ordinary film, no sir. Y'ever see one of those "outsider" art shows - the paintings with the cheap materials, crude figures, no perspective, and weirdly distorted sense of space creating an effect only slightly better than what's posted on grandma's refrigerator, and the highest praise you can muster is to commend the artists on their determination in the face of their obvious lack of talent or training? This is the cinematic equivalent.Normally, this would be the point where I would give a little recap of the plot, but that's not really possible, as there isn't much of one. There's lots of nice, loooong shots of trees and brush, interspersed with scenes involving characters doing senseless things and then dying or otherwise dropping out of the film entirely. But, basically, a weasel is exposed to radioactive slime from Venus (don't ask), and goes around killing people. Then two Agents show up and fight with an utterly non-scientific-looking Mad Scientist in the least-laboratory-looking laboratory set I've ever seen in my life. The Mad uses weasel blood to change Agent Sidekick into a gray carrot-creature, the monsters fight, Agent Mustache fights the Mad, many people lose many limbs, the special effects department opens another can of Chef Boyardee, then we get the Lamest Shock Ending of All Time, and roll credits.Of course, I'm leaving out the drunk college girls killed by a weasel-rabies-infected madman (which occurs before the weasel itself is mutated - huh?), the gripping rocket-to-Venus sequence, the two guys who dissect a severed weasel-limb in their kitchen, with tragic results, the unknown woman on a table in the not-lab, the bike-riding kids, and who knows what else, but none of those scenes really amount to anything, anyway.If that's not enough to put you off your feed, check out the imaginative, yet ultimately pathetic, use of props. Hypodermic needles are stored in beer steins, pasta tongs (or maybe a hair clip?) serve as the Venus probe's robot arm, and my favorite - the duct-tape covered shoebox with "DANGER RADIOACTIVE MATERIALS" (or some such - I'm not going back to search the disc now) crudely magic-markered on the lid. Really gives you that high-tech NASA feel.On the plus side . . . Hmmm. OK, there's a crashing-rocket's-eye-view shot that's kinda interesting, but only because it's hard to figure how they did it at their bottom-feeder level of production. The thick Long Island and Jersey accents of some of the actors are occasionally diverting. And, we get not one, but three Ron Jeremy look-a-likes in the cast! OK, one's kinda more Gabe Kaplan, but still, it should count for something.