Vampires on Bikini Beach
Vampires on Bikini Beach
| 01 January 1988 (USA)
Vampires on Bikini Beach Trailers

Two teenagers find a book called "The Book of the Dead," and soon they discover that a vampire cult, which needs the book to raise the dead so they can take over the world, is after them.

Reviews
lazarillo

I saw this movie twice. The first time was on "USA Up All Night" when I left my friends at some bar where the girls weren't biting and went home to watch TV, still more than a little drunk. The second time was more recently, middle-aged like I am now and stone-cold sober.The movie itself is nothing to write home about. Like a lot of "USA Up All Night" movies, it is very, very low-budget. It is a complete failure as a vampire movie and only a little better as a bikini movie (there is some nudity, but precious little, and it would have been edited out on "USA Up All Night" anyway). The best part of the movie though was when "USA Up All Night" host Gilbert Gottfried did a fake commercial for an album of the "Greatest Hits of Bob's Band". "Bob" is the completely untalented boyfriend of the lead bikini-clad bimbo in this movie. His band has all of two songs (both awful) and the commercial just scrolled these two songs over and over while "Bob's Band" plays them "live" in scenes from this dumbass movie. I fell out of the chair laughing. It was the best time a young guy could possibly have in the early 90's all by himself on a Saturday night with all his clothes on.Seeing this movie later, eh. It's not really worth it. It REALLY needs Gilbert Gottfried.

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dwebbieappleton

I'm pretty sure that, in the scene near the very end where the house is burning down, a slightly slowed-down recording of someone passing gas is played. About 60% of the dialog is voiced-over, even when it would appear to be unnecessary to do so. The voice acting is at least as bad as anything else in the movie, and the soundtrack can scarcely be taken seriously.Overall, the movie is only redeemed by how terrible the production is. I found the movie on a list of free films OnDemand, and the version shown to me was actually pre-censored, even though it was supposedly rated R. Trust me, watching this movie with the nudity edited out is quite an empty experience.If you liked this movie, you might also like Robot Holocaust.

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Tom Jeffrey

This movie is recommended only for those who feel they MUST see every vampire movie ever made. I've seen a lot of comments on this website to the effect that "(such and such) is the worst movie I've ever seen." In that case, the reviewer has obviously not seen THIS MOVIE. It's totally bottom of the barrel in terms of plot, direction, acting, and utter lack of scariness or suspense.The plot, such as it is, involves a vampire cult in Venice, California, led by some vampire in a cheesy rubber mask and another vampire given to making long-winded and boring speeches. They are assisted by various other vampires in cheap-looking robes, a human servant, and assorted biker-type humans. The long-winded vampire wants to find his true love so that she can drive a stake through his heart (!), while his rubber-faced second-in-command wants to rule the world through an army of the undead brought to life by the "Book of the Dead." The book falls into the hands of this surfer dude and his bimbo girlfriend, who show it to a priest recommended by the local bookseller. Before the priest has time to completely decipher the book and learn its meaning, he is murdered by one of the black-robed guys. Instead of calling the police, surfer dude and girlfriend decide to get back the book themselves so that their friend Weird Harold (who apparently is a computer whiz along with being a musician and surfer) can complete the deciphering with the help of a partial translation that the priest left behind. Or something like that.In any event, surfer dude and girlfriend are captured by the vampires who for some reason don't kill them like they've done to everyone else in the movie. Probably because they're the "stars." By means that must be seen to be believed, they get away from the vampires, alert Harold, his girlfriend, and two other bimbos. Then they go back to the vampires' secret hideaway one or two more times, get captured, escape, get re-captured, and finally kill all the vampires and associates with the help of this other black-robed dude whom they conjure up with the "Book of the Dead." Although I've added a "spoiler alert" in order to avoid being added to the blacklist, there is really nothing here to spoil. The characters, good guys and bad guys alike, are all so completely uninteresting that their fates are of no concern to us. The movie is NOT redeemed in any way by the T&A, of which there is precious little in the possibly bowdlerized version that I watched. In fact, the entire bikini beach motif disappears about halfway through the movie, the remainder of which takes place indoors, primarily in the vampires' secret lair (which is shrouded in smoke so that it doesn't look so much like it was shot in someone's basement).I've seen a lot of cheap-looking horror movies, but I don't remember one quite as cheap or amateurish as this one. It was originally shown on the USA network's "Up All Nite" and has recently re-surfaced in the "on demand" section of our local cable network. Not recommended.

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brandonsites1981

Group of super models mixing business with pleasure on a tropical island fall prey to vampires who stalk and kill the models in between hot photo shoots. A " USA Up All Night" favorite, this so called vampire movie is just really an excuse to showcase beautiful women in certain state of undress. It is rather cheap looking and this production leaves much to be desired, but there is a good amount of T & A which should keep you more then entertained.Rated R; Violence, Nudity, Sexual Situations, and Profanity.

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