What the hell did just watch. Oh boy, what can I say about this one without tearing it a new one. Alan Rudolph's Trixie is a dud, a paperweight, a misguided, clumsy disaster of the highest order. It has the tonal equilibrium of heart attack on a flow chart, and a troupe of actors who mercilessly embarrass themselves into the ground with work that goes beyond tireless pantomime. It's sad, because I've seen this type of thing work nicely before, with the right amounts of quaint and quirky qualities, but here the mixture tanks in a god awfully messy cannonball of a landing. It tries to be a detective story, but fails to realize that you need some semblance of a story to care about, and I just…. didn't care. It's a slog to get through, a struggle to stay focused on, and basically a big awkward failure on every level. Also puzzling is the fact that cast, all of which are excellent actors who I love in almost everything they do, all made me want to hit them here, and when you've got a cast this good, that's no easy feat. Emily Watson will make you want to tear your hair out as titular Trixie, a casino security guard with aspirations of taking on a big detective case, an irritating Chicago accent and apparently mild brain damage that causes her to mispronounce every expression, figure of speech and slang term in a fashion that is neither cute nor funny. She's wooed by Dex (Dermot Mulroney) a goon who works for sleazy land developer Red Rafferty (Will Patton). Soon, through a set of circumstances both inane and cartoonish, they find themselves deep in some sort of backhanded scheme involving murder most foul, tied to a corrupt state senator played by Nick Nolte, who is the peacock of the bunch, sucking all the energy out of the room with dialogue that is literally lifted straight from political speeches from the past. I'm not even kidding, he blusters out platitudes that vaguely have a place in whatever seen is going on, but barely. There's also a hot young waitress (a bouncy Brittany Murphy), a flamboyant lounge singer (Nathan Lane is excruciating), a washed up pop star (Lesley Ann Down) and a bizarre cameo from Stephen Lang who attempts an accent that made me supremely uncomfortable. It's weird, cumbersome and altogether pointless as everything it tries: comedy, thriller, romance, whodunit.. all fall miserably flat. Bummer. I'm gonna go make a list of all the things I could have been doing with the two hours I spent on this wreck.

Although Trixie had a certain goofy appeal, especially her reversal or confusion of certain words and phrases, I found the film way too slow moving. It was well enough done and not a complete waste of time but it tried too hard to be comedy and drama winding up being just a mishmash of silly dark comedy.

This movie has grown on me immensely. The first time I saw it, it struck me poorly. I didn't like the plot or characters. I've seen it twice since then. I was surprised to find how funny it was a second time. Truth be told, Trixie is the sweetest detective ever written. She's obsessed with the truth and lives by no other code, solving the case almost by accident. There is a sexy all star cast to back her up and they all play magnificently. The real joke of the movie is Trixie's ability to get well known sayings wrong, which is explained by her injury as a child from a bowling ball on the head (mentioned very quickly in a hospital scene). She says things like, "Stop right there where you are in your tracks!" Her timing is perfect and Ms. Watson's performance is endearing. Good show, all around.

One needs a certain warped sense of humor to enjoy this film. Trixie (Emily Watson) is a self proclaimed `Private Defective' whose butchery of English is nothing short of cleavacle. Her command of idioms is not as bad as it is worse. She is Norm Crosby taken to the tenth powder. She mixes semaphores with a high-speed blender. Her malapropriations are so funny they border on historical.The writing of Trixie's dialogue by Alan Rudolph is extremely clever, but the story that surrounds it is very quirky, meandering off point constantly. I'm not a big fan of Rudolph's wry style of directing, but this film actually has its moments. Some of the things that pop out of Trixie's mouth are priceless. I found myself tolerating the boring story to hear what she would say next.Emily Watson's performance is excellent. She gives Trixie a naïve charm and gritty determination that is fun to watch. It is hard to fathom how she is able to say her lines with a straight face. Her Chicago accent is horrendous though. Nathan Lane also gives a tragically droll performance and Nick Nolte is absurdly humorous in his caricature of the corrupt state senator.This film was pounded by almost everyone, but I like this kind of word gymnastics, so I enjoyed it despite itself. I rated it a 6/10. If you can appreciate a punny character without much of a story, it might be worth a try.